Making Time For Pleasure

When everything is just too overwhelming and life seems to be racing in a zillion directions, how do you handle it? Do you drink more coffee, try to do more, stay up later, get up earlier, or break down? Do you let stress build and ignore it? Do you just stuff your face with sugar like I do?
It’s a huge challenge to stay focused and prioritized, and to make the time for rest and balance in these times. We have so many mediums of communication all vying for our attention, not to mention careers to work, families to tend to, functions to attend, plans to make, appointments to keep. The list goes on and the stress seems to mount, until we find ourselves either sick or in breakdown somehow.
I see many people who seem to wait until they’re sick for a small break, and then they jump back up before they’re even ready to go back into the ring for more. It’s scary to watch. I can’t help but wonder if they are truly happy, or just afraid to stop. For some, I’m sure that staying in the game full frontal brings them joy, but this isn’t not true for everyone.
The perfect antidote for stress is pleasure. Nothing gives us more of an “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” feeling. It doesn’t really take much if we learn to breathe and center our attention on our hearts, get present with the moment, and then feel into it. I don’t believe that pleasure can happen when our minds are racing in the opposite direction. Ever tried to completely relax while running? Doesn’t work that well, does it? You have to get the mind to stop, drag it back to where your body is and sync your system up with the now. Only then can you really be with whatever pleasure you’re offering yourself.
One of the more advanced routes to pleasure is associated with our sexuality, and in a pinch our sexuality can be channeled into any activity and then it becomes sensuality, which is highly pleasurable. Pleasure in eating something delicious, feeling the sun on your face, getting a shoulder rub, stretching, looking at beautiful art or photos, listening to gorgeous music…these are all so pleasurable. If we focus on feeling our bodies respond as we enjoy these activities, we are officially having a sensual experience. This is where the pleasure we are feeling can light up our brains, our groins, our whole physiology, and we are healing, opening, and receiving the relaxation and rejuvenation we crave.
In the book, The Pleasure Zone, Resnick lists the 8 fundamental pleasures as being primal, pain relief, play, mental, emotional, sensual, sexual, and spiritual. The last three can “be thought of as the consummate realms for reaching your pleasure potential”, she says.
Take some time out for pleasure today and if it feels good try it daily for a while. I would love to hear back from you how it affects your life.

 

Painful Bliss

I’ve been thinking alot about pain lately, as I’ve been in some pretty intense pain for about five months. What goes through my mind, given the work I do, is primarily the questions about what this pain means, what my body it trying to communicate to me, where I might be blocked in my relationships or how I move through the world, and whether it really means anything or nothing. My mind likes to keep itself quite busy with all of the possibilities that might make my pain meaningful to it’s greatness, and I say that tongue in cheek.

As I meditate and pray, process and dream, I begin to see patterns of thought I hold in mind that don’t serve me. I also get “hits” or intuitive aha moments of seeing a way that I may have operated in my life that is obviously undermining what I intend for myself. I’m open to looking at these things because I hold myself gently with compassion. The more compassionate I am with myself, the more I am able to release old habitual ways of being that hold me back.

I think we tend to get stuck in holding patterns of negative circumstance when we judge and criticize ourselves, because the internal prosecutor is in charge and has us in a corner where there’s a frozen standoff. If we realize that we can tell the prosecutor to shut up and sit down, we can replace him with a loving witness who remembers our humanity and our heart’s innate goodness. The loving witness is a soothing balm and a kind ally who opens gateways of tremendous growth and enlightenment, melting the standoff in an instant. My own internal loving witness took years of meditation and hard work for me to locate. Hopefully by reading this, you’ll hear yours sooner.

Yoga at the master level teaches us about mass consciousness mind that is just chatter that flows through all of us randomly, and once we realize this, we can see the innocence of everyone in this beautiful drama of life. We can see that our physical symptoms are an experience we chose before time, and hopefully allow ourselves to sink into a surrendered agreement of what is in this present moment.

In the present moment, I find bliss in the sensations of this pain I have held for these many months. I find that I can love that pain with an open heart, and hold it with compassion and gratitude. My pain brings more gifts than I can list here, but the biggest one is the gift of remembering the Infinite Presence that lives in every cell of my being.

Getting What You Want By Making Space

Making Space

 

 This is one of my favorite steps in having what I want in life. I like it because it’s simple to understand and the results are fast. Once a person determines what it is they want, and visualizes it, they need to make sure that there is a place for that special something in their lives. The place could be material, emotional, mental, or physical, and all of these components are important.

On the material plane, it’s fairly simple to create space. Anything that is cluttering our living space is an obvious manifestation of other types of clutter. When we hoard certain items, or don’t clean, we’re clogging up our lives in many ways. The universe abhors a vacuum, and will immediately seek to fill it. So creating a space for something you want attracts it faster and easier. This applies to a thing, a feeling, or a new way of being. It’s the most obvious and visual way of applying ourselves to making room for what we want.

Imagine that feeling you have when you’ve just cleaned a room and it’s fresh and light, and things are in place. It feels really good, doesn’t it? That good feeling is not only because it’s cleaner on a material level, but it affects your energetic body, or aura, and your mind and emotions as well. There is room to see what’s actually there, and we often find things we really don’t need that we can give away or sell. Having a place for our things is also a way of respecting what we’ve been blessed with, so that it multiplies the good in our lives.

This week, consider cleaning and clearing an area in your living space that is truly blocked up and cluttered. It might be a closet you’ve been neglecting for a while, or your basement. First think of what it is that you want, and then ask Spirit to reveal to you the area that most reflects where the corresponding energy might be slowed up or stopped in your  physical space. Then get to work, and while you’re cleaning imagine the flow of energy there, visualizing new good coming your way.

Getting What You Want With Celebration

Celebration is an act of energetic, enthusiastic agreement with what has just transpired.  It can also be a way to rev up your engine for something you haven’t seen yet, but are determined is coming. It’s a high energy way of getting into agreement with what is.

I encourage my clients to make a big, huge deal about every tiny iota of good stuff coming their way.  The truth is, if you don’t notice the good stuff, it just dwindles.

A well known prosperity principle, metaphysical truth, and universal rule is that we attract whatever we focus on.

So, my friends, if you are focusing so much on what you don’t want, on what went wrong, and on what you don’t have that you wish you did…you are, in essence, creating a boatload more of that same un~havingness.

This is a simple concept, and yet can be difficult to practice without like-minded people around.  It helps to have them there to gently remind you if you forget.   You might find a friend or two that are working on the same disciplines, and commit to cheering each other on.

My spiritual guidance packages are geared towards keeping people on track with their desires, encouraging them in a light-hearted and fun way to remember how to be open to good and to focus on what they want more of.  We actually celebrate together on a regular basis, creating a habit of a celebratory and grateful attitude.

Celebration is KEY, in my professional opinion, to creating enormous good stuff in your life.

Grab a like~minded friend and celebrate something that went right, something you were given, something good today.  It can be as small as finding a dollar bill, or as large as a promotion…it doesn’t matter.

Make a habit out of celebration and notice what happens.

 

Willingness

The very first step towards having what you want is to learn the act of willingness.  It takes a high level of intention to be a conscious creatrix of your reality.  While on the path of learning to master your thoughts, your words, your actions, and your visualizations, it’s important to learn how to navigate towards something better when you feel stuck.

I have seen people so firmly rooted in a fixed pattern at times that they cannot begin to see any possibility of change.  They can’t imagine anything better, or that the crisis they are in at that moment could have any solution whatsoever.  It’s as if they are so entrenched in the small, narrow view they’re holding that they cannot see the forest for the trees.

The best course of action I have found to help is to introduce some “give” in their perspective.  To relax a tiny bit, to allow a glimmer of light into the dark forest, or to have some small amount of slack in the rope that is binding them into knots of anxiety and stress…is the very best way to unravel the knot.

The question to ask is, “Would you be WILLING to have a solution present itself?”  And of course, this willingness is usually just enough to give the universe an opening to work with.  Simultaneously, it is harmless enough for someone to agree to be willing, rather than to commit to finding a solution.  If you have to find it yourself, and you can’t even imagine it ever getting better, how could you agree to that?  You couldn’t.  BUT…you might be WILLING to agree that there MIGHT be a possibility that you don’t know of. 

Willingness is a crucial step in bringing possibilities of a brand new creation that our little minds cannot conceive of, but that the Divine Mind is aligning in perfect and elegant timing.

I leave you with today’s lesson to consider.  If you are stuck in a challenge, or you desire something so seemingly out of your realm of imagination, use the tool of willingness.  Say to yourself, “I am willing to be open to a new possibility.” 

What’s The Big Deal About Gratitude?

There’s a lot of talk about gratitude these days, from Oprah to books on the subject, to whole courses on the topic.  I have wondered if I could define the role gratitude plays in happiness, and until now I was confused about how to explain it.

A long time ago,  I did a course where a piece of our homework for one month was to write a thousand gratitudes.  I wrote and I wrote, and then I found myself stymied, thinking that I had run out of them after a few hundred.  It occurred to me that there were things so small that I took for granted, like eyelashes or pebbles, and for a few pages my list became hyper-focused on the tiniest stuff of life.

An amazing thing happened as I continued with the process…you’ve probably guessed it…I began to see my life through new eyes.  Every thing from the fact that I could breathe to the glass in my windows, from someone saying good morning to having a clean sheet of paper to write on…it all began to take on a new and incredible magic.  What was once neglected was suddenly my reason for rejoicing, and my joy grew.  My appreciation of life grew, and the appreciation was seemingly contagious.  People smiled at me more, gifts came my way, and money began to flow into my life more easefully.

It wasn’t all rosy, though.  There were still the things in life that irritated me, the people that annoyed or upset me, and the physical maladies that can sometimes plague us all.  But through my practice of gratitude, these upsetting parts of life became more tolerable, more manageable, and passed more quickly.

It is truly a practice, this thing called gratitude.  It’s not our normal training as humans to look for the good, to find a reason to be ecstatic, or to see a challenge or tragedy as cause for celebration.  It’s a discipline for someone seeking mastery or enlightenment.

Mastery and enlightenment require a diligence in the face of contraction from aliveness.  Breathing, which is the energy of the life force animating the flesh suits we acquire at birth, is excellent training for this practice of enlightenment.  We breathe in…expand into life and love…and we exhale…contracting into the letting go of life, or dying…expanding and contracting.  Our very existence trains us to be masters of many things including non-attachment.  Gratitude for life would mean gratitude for ALL of it…not just the so called “good things” we can weed out of the mundane we tend to focus on, but even what we may deem “bad” or “undesirable”.

My gratitudes began to take a turn somewhere in the middle towards the end of a thousand.  I found that I wasn’t just grateful for the people who made me smile and feel warm and fuzzy, but I was downright on my knees grateful for those who pissed me off, who irritated my expectations, and who reflected the parts of myself I’d rather not look at.  I was grateful for pain…which had previously been something I avoided at all costs…because pain let me know I was alive, and pain was such a fantastic backdrop for pleasure.  I was grateful for the all of life, not just the tiny gratitudes that had poured from  my pen in a desperate attempt to complete the assignment.  My journey of a thousand gratitudes did not stop that year…or ever.  I carry that particular gratitude exercise, given to me by a true master of enlightenment, to this day with a profound gratitude to her and to the lessons of living life with my heart wide open.

Connection As The New Trend

Women tend to seek intimacy in relationships because it’s how we are wired biologically.  One of the most common complaints I hear from women is that they can’t seem to connect with their partners at a deep level that satisfies this longing enough.  They tell me that all men want is sex, but they want the romance, the love, and the sensitivity to come first.

It all makes perfect sense that they are telling me this!  Nature sure has a sense of humor when it comes to males and females.  Men are wired to procreate first, find intimacy second.  They will visually seek the hardiest, most physically appealing mate because it assures that our race will endure.  Women actually have this instinct as well, but because they’re the ones who raise the offspring, historically, they are wired for relationship and bonding to ensure the community will assist them in this daunting endeavor.  It really does take a village.

The tides are turning, however, and the age of a strong and healthy feminine essence is at hand.  All over the world, women are beginning to feel a pull, an often uncanny urge towards the earth, their sisters, and their finally true purpose.  Men are feeling it too, and my intuition tells me that it’s the feminine side of themselves they are hearing tap, tap, tap on their heart’s inner knowing.

The good news for all of us is that intimate connection is the newest and latest longing.  Women may have always desired it, but in our age of screens, commercialism, domestication gone haywire, and media conditioning to violence as normal…it is the holes in our souls that everyone is longing to fill now.  The crazy fear frenzy of the news channels, the overly caricatured hyped up sitcoms, and the fast and furious onslaught of material overload has proven not to fill this void.  People are longing for one thing above all others, and that one thing is meaningful connection.  It can be translated into spiritual fulfillment, a deep purpose that serves the higher good of humanity, and many other great words, but in  my opinion it boils down to basic human connection.

We can find it by turning off the screens, sitting still in the quiet, refusing to answer the phone every single time it rings, and active listening, for starters.  The gift of true connection is one that is unforgettable, and that impacts in a way that ripples in its healing effect.  How many times have you felt truly and deeply heard?  I venture to say that you remember those few times vividly as precious in your life.

A relationship is its own being, a unique energy body that needs feeding, attention, and love.  To be in service to this relationship energy body is the best way that I know of to hone the art of commitment and growth…not very romantic stuff, but crucial to the creation of romance.  In other words, we must build a foundation of connection, deep listening, commitment to growth, and commitment to the entity of the relationship to even begin to expect the next level of true and lasting romance to enter the picture.

 

The practice of connection in our intimate relationships requires complete and full attention to each other.  It requires distraction free space, and a commitment to set aside our own agendas for the larger entity of the relationship. The best place to begin is with the tried and true exercise of taking turns being heard and listening, repeating back what you heard to each other verbatim.  Eye gazing is another fabulous way to build intimacy and connection, and specifically gazing at each other’s left eyes works best, according to behavior specialists.  Another thing to keep in mind is that women need romance first to feel a deep and romantic connection, and men need oxytocin from sex to feel a loving bond.  This is a quandary indeed!  I suggest some give and take here, and especially for women to begin to speak to what they need, find ways to relieve stress, and nurture themselves before trying to give more.  Exquisite self care is crucial before a woman can relax into all that a man has to give her. Connection is multi-faceted, but it’s the foundation of what will heal our world, our relationships, and our lives.  Of this I am convinced.

7 Romantic Ways to Rock Your Relationship

One of the ways we fall into a rut in our long term relationships is by ignoring the romance factor.  It’s not our fault, but it is our responsibility if we want to keep the sparks sparkling and the flame burning.  You may not want to hear this for various reasons, such as resenting the fact that you have to be the one to do something to generate it, or wishing your partner would take a clue from the fairytales and just BE romantic and charming.

The fact that you want to read an article like this one is very hopeful, though!  You have scored a big sparkling star just for your curiosity and willingness to entertain your imagination with ideas about romantic rockingness.  The prerequisite for the forthcoming effort is to acknowledge yourself for wanting to try.  Going into this endeavor with some compassion and love for yourself will magnify your results.  Cool, huh?!

Here are some surefire ways to rock it, roll it, and have a second helping:

1.     For a couple of weeks, decide that you are going to be generous and kind without the attitude.  You’re reaching deep into magnanimity and holiness, and you’re being kind because it just plain feels good in so many ways.

2.     Start treating your lover as a stranger.  Find this suggestion strange?  It’s actually a brilliant move.  Have you ever noticed how polite you are to other people publicly, but once you get home, the hair comes down and the taking your partner for granted habit takes over?  Practice being incredibly polite to your partner.  Use the magic word, and say thank you. Offer a bite first.  Say excuse me rather than “mooooove”.

3.     Get a girlfriend to swap romantic ideas with you.  Have a full out brainstorming session with each other and see how many new ideas you can each come up with.  Go home and try the ones you like best once a week for a month.

4.     Schedule (don’t groan, scheduling works!) an evening or morning alone with your lover.  Do whatever you need to do in advance that will make this time stress free, i.e. order out rather than cook, set the coffeepot timer on the night before, make sure the kids are at a sleepover or in bed already.  Tell your partner that this time is going to be for you to give your total attention to him to remind him of how much he’s loved.  Tell each other the top five things you miss that you used to do together when you first met, and then brainstorm to see how you can bring some of that back now.

5.     Give your partner a ‘love wash’.  This is not the kind of wash you think it is.  I’m talking about having your partner sit in a chair across from you and spending three full minutes telling him every single thing you adore, love, appreciate, cherish, and are grateful for about him.  Allow him to reciprocate if he’d like to, but don’t expect or demand it this first time.  You can tell him this is a practice session, and that you’d love it if he’d be willing to take turns doing this with   you daily for a week. Credit for this one goes to Harville Hendrix, superb relationship expert.

6.     Spontaneously chat online with your lover when you’re both on your computers.  There’s something very sexy and fun about writing to each other, and things are communicated that are sometimes difficult to say in person.  Send love notes and sexy thoughts, and plan a rendezvous for that night.

7.     Trade romantic setups with another couple.  Each couple takes a turn setting up a fantastic meal complete with wine, flowers, table setting, romantic lighting, candles, love notes, fresh sheets, beautiful massage oil, romantic music, and whatever else your imagination can cook up.  They get to enjoy just experiencing this amazing dinner at home complete with romantic touches, and then they set one up for the both of you at another time.  You’ll find you’re excited creating romance for someone else, and it gets you feeling romantically appreciative of your partner as well.

There you have it.  Even if you choose only one tip, you are taking the steps towards evoking romance, and even a drop of romance is worth the effort, wouldn’t you agree?

~Goddess Oceana, author of forthcoming book, Ecstatic Quotes From the Goddess, Empowerment and Intimacy Coach, sensual wise woman, and enlightenment guide.

http://www.goddessoceana.com

How To Cook Anything Better

One thing I’ve learned that crosses all religious boundaries, that translates all hobbies into a blur, and that breaks exclusive barriers across the board is…love. This goes for cooking, knitting, pet care, raising children, scientific experiments, health, relationships, business, art, you name it.

My first mentor taught me metaphysics with some Buddhism thrown in for spice. She was the first person who whispered into my ear that when I chop vegetables, I need to thank them for giving their lives first. That information, because it seemed both bizarre and intriguing, stuck with me and I have diligently followed it to this day. Fifteen years later when I met my white tantric teacher, she taught me to chant mantras over my food, to never cook when I’m in a bad mood, and to find vegetables at the supermarket by touching them and feeling into their sentience and life energy. Then while cooking them, we would vibrate them even more with love and mantras, thereby improving the state of the planet through food.

I’ve found that these practices translate into all of life. For instance, we were also taught in Tantra that whatever we are creating will take on the vibration of our state. So if one is making a baby, be in a positive, spiritual state of mind. If one is knitting a sweater, one can chant prayers or mantras, intend love, and sing with each stitch. For business, when I’m writing a program, or sending out a newsletter, I pray, meditate for what to write, and fill myself with love and gratitude while I create. I intend love for all recipients, and the highest good for all outcomes.

This works for road trips, shopping, learning a new skill, eating a meal, and composting a garden. In fact, you can use this with kitchen witchery, which I do as well. The old rule of thumb when stirring food on the stove is to stir to the left to rid food of negative energy, and stir to the right to infuse good, positive things into the food. I’ve created many a meal in which people were uplifted before my eyes while ingesting what I ate. Have you ever gone out to eat and wondered why you left the restaurant feeling miserable, angry, or upset? It’s always good to consider that the chef may have been having a bad night. This is why blessing our food is so important before eating it.

I’m a firm proponent of blessings. Some might feel that they’re easy to come by, that they’re quite unnecessary, or that they don’t mean much. In my life, blessings are one of my most powerful tools. They impart grace, gratitude, hope and most of all, love. Blessing anything makes it so much better.

Is Turning Heads An Outside or Inside Job?

Magazine covers would have us believe that beauty is an outside job, and yet our spiritual leaders tell us it all comes from within.  I don’t know about you, but it leaves my head in a tizzy!  I’ve tried every hair color, every type of makeup, dressed myself in every fashion to hit the runways…and unlike the majority, I’ve also studied spirituality from Christianity to paganism and everything in between.

As they say in Maine, ya can’t get they-ya from hee-ya.  What I mean is that as women, we search constantly for a way to attract attention from that special one or many and end up either beautifying ourselves to exhaustion, or giving up completely and neglecting ourselves.  Does this sound familiar?

I dare say I have untangled the confusing information, which I am downright elated to clarify with you here.  It’s something so obvious and simple that I’m flushed that it hadn’t dawned on me earlier.  The truth is that it’s not just an outside job and it’s not just an inside job…it is BOTH

My personal background includes modeling and cosmetology which are outside jobs.  For twenty years I spent most of my time looking in mirrors, primping myself or someone else, expertly assessing my client’s features, taking clothes on and off, strutting down runways and posing for photographers.  I listened to a multitude of women commiserate about their hair, their looks, their boyfriends, husbands, their sex lives, their weight, and their careers.  They told me secrets reserved for therapists, and then some.  The amazing thing is that without exception, after an hour in my chair of being professionally coiffed and primped, they would leave feeling more beautiful.  They sat down, got inner and outer attention and acknowledgment, and left feeling wonderful and radiating more beauty.

The noticeable thing about a woman who feels beautiful is that she carries herself differently.  She smiles more, is conscious of her body and how she’s holding herself, and looks others in the eye with confidence.  A woman can take herself from invisible to queen in minutes just by carrying herself with poise.

Sometimes a woman would come in with her hair an absolute mess, and the transformational mix of hair color, cut and styling would be stunning.  Seeing her transformed physical appearance would shift her emotions about herself and then her self esteem would soar.  At other times a woman whose physicality was breathtakingly beautiful would sit down for me to work on her, and inside of ten minutes her negative attitude would literally change my perception of her and she would appear considerably less attractive bordering on ugly.

It’s up to us how we use the power we have in our hands as women.  We don’t have to wait for someone to tell us how gorgeous we are (although it never hurts!).  We can do it ourselves.  Also, we have the choice of whether to slip into something sexy, touch up our lipstick, and dab on some perfume or simply carry ourselves as if we own the room with the magnetic secret between our thighs.  Beauty is not an either/or proposition…it is an exciting blend of both that we have access to at any time.