I love to recycle the shameful and humiliating experiences in my life in ways that celebrate the fullness of the ways they enrich my expansion. For instance, recently I held an event where no one showed up. I spent two hours preparing the space and the materials, countless hours marketing and working on the site, social media, and emailing, etc.
What’s a goddess to do when this happens? I chose to bask in the gorgeous space I created, eat the chocolates I brought, dance to the fabulous playlist I created, and make a sensual dance video while looking out at the lake.
This shifts the focus from victimization to sourcing and from resistance to flow. It’s also called “riding the horse in the direction it’s going”, according to Werner Erhard, founder of est.
Engaging the flow, allowing the emotions to move through and surrendering to them, we find ourselves unleashed, less somatically blocked, and more fully alive. It’s a good thing. Tears can come and they’re well received. We are gentle with ourselves and can find the ecstasy in the mundane.
Very soon I am creating an event where I will celebrate the people who have dumped me for their perfect self-exorcism, and release the crappy energy they left behind, bury the loss and humiliation in a funeral pyre, and make the very most out of my black wardrobe. It will be a funeral for shame. Cuz that’s the way I roll. ;-)
People approach me often and remark on my appearance, my hair, and overall something they can’t put their finger on. Having devoted much time over my life on learning inner and outer beauty and spiritual practices, I understand what they’re commenting on. It’s not just a physical beauty that comes and goes and is dependent on good hair days, makeup, and accessorizing, that has attracted them.
After all, I’m an older woman, I have some extra weight, and I’m not always dressed up.
The attracting factor is a receptivity, an internal move, and an energetic vibration. These things can be felt across a room. Often I don’t notice I’m doing it, because it has become such a part of who I am.
Today I’m going to teach you two tips that will begin to plant your attention into the center of where this originates, and simultaneously raise your vibration so that the glow inside starts to spread out and affect others.
Are you ready?!
The first move is to breathe in through your nose and bring your attention to your heart, and then to your belly. These two places are both spiritual and sensual, and merely by placing your attention here, you become both connected to your divine center of spiritual connection, and your divinely erotic embodied center of feminine power.
The next move is to hold the intention that you are a divine being having an embodied experience, and coming from your heart and your belly, to choose to bless the world with each step while knowing that your words are prayers.
These tips are simple, yet profoundly powerful. Try them out and let me know how it goes!
My mission is to empower women to step into and own their sacred sensual inner goddess, and to enjoy a more fulfilled life living their passionate purpose. If you’re interested in knowing what steps to take to experience this in your life, email me for a free Clarity, Strategy, Action session now at Oceana@GoddessOceana.com.
Blissings & Blessings,
Did you lose your mojo along the way, girlfriend? I know I have before, and it’s hard to know when it’s going to hit. That’s why I’d like to give you some tips, some delicious and fun ways that you can reach down deep in an instant, and hook up to your mojo again.
A new humility has surfaced in me the last couple of years, a sort of surrender to the wise woman birthing herself in my being as I round the corner of menopause. Pregnancy with this energy seemed to have lasted a slowly percolating decade, but when labor ensued, it was a force I had no previous awareness of, raw and fierce and gentle all at the same time.
Before where I had a sense of self, knowing exactly who I was and where I was going, this wise woman crone brought down some sort of unearthly axe and suddenly I was forgetful, weak when I wanted to be strong, stupid when I needed to be sharp, exhausted when I had to be on my game, bored when I would rather have been curious and enthusiastic. This old dame was turning me upside down and inside out.
Nothing like a huge and uncomfortable change ever seems to happen at a good time, does it?! And so, surrender was not only necessary, but inescapable. The crone energy is Kali Ma Herself, Hindu goddess of sharp, grand, and furious awakening. When I finally decided to surrender, it seemed that it would require a willingness to speak up, a need to educate the less initiated, and a bold-assed declaration of my boundaries that pissed people off.
I’m still in the throes of this, but can report that a sense of humor is crucial. When I find myself in certain situations, it can be utterly unnerving if I don’t have the capacity to laugh at myself with others. The other day I told my 13 year old to please get his bacon on and get out to the car so we wouldn’t be late. Words I have spoken my whole life suddenly interchange, and I don’t even hear myself as they slide effortlessly out of my mouth. He just stood there laughing hysterically, with me feeling a bit offended. “What are you laughing at?” I inquired. He told me what I had just said, and I was baffled. Truly, I thought I told him to get his coat on.
My sweet husband will attest that he can tell me something, only to find me asking the same question an hour or a day later, as if the conversation never happened. At first, he thought I was messing with him. I explain that this is what birthing a crone looks like, and he’ll have to try to remember that I require a bit more gentleness, a bit more tolerance, and a whole lot of patience until she emerges and this passage is complete. I am welcoming a wise woman, and she is in the becoming.
Who is in your life that is at the crossroads of this powerful transformation? In what ways can you support her, learn from her, honor her in holding a space for soft landing while she is birthing possibly the most compelling and courageous transformation she has ever met? If you are in this stage, how do you hold yourself gently, and what are you celebrating about it?
I would love to hear your experience, your questions, your deep inquiries and gifts…feel free to share below.
The almighty experts who are trying to figure out how women can have it all tell us that above all, we must strive for balance. Better yet, draw a pie graph and label each slice with a different area of your life and give each slice a number from one to ten. Then work harder on the low numbers. I have news for these experts, girlfriend. The people who create these graph exercises are missing the fact that for each woman there are many, many levels of pies all stacked up, some thrown and some eaten. A woman can eat a pie and bake another one that matches it and no one will ever be the wiser. It’s just not so simple. After years of following expert advice like a good girl, why am I coming up facing the same struggle and beating myself up on top of it? I’ve given this some thought, done some intensive research, and am realizing there are a few things I have to say on the matter.
First of all, a woman striving for balance is like a cloud trying to maintain precipitation without ever raining. Women are not linear beings going from point A to point B in one straight, even, carefully drawn line. The women I know are messy, neat, beautiful, disheveled, passionate, irritable, sweet, generous, terrified, confident, completely neurotic, powerful, sexy, intimidated, anxious, boring, exciting, insecure, happy, depressed, on fire, and so very much more. In fact, every single one of these adjectives could describe one single woman at any given time. The women I have experienced who seem to have their lives in perfect balance on the outside are often lacking a certain internal fire, a spark in their eyes, or are medicated unduly by unwitting professionals trying to treat a label rather than dig deeper. Just sayin. I’m personally convinced that balance is something water finds, scales measure, and construction workers who aren’t in a messy hurry find with a level.
The single thing that has lit me up and given me a sense of ownership and creative power in my life has been pleasure as a practice, combined with an internal experience of the sacredness of all of life, wrapped up in the love of other women. There’s a certain knowing that goes womb-deep that women hold for each other, unspoken, palpable, and in a silent language “bone”. It’s something we just know in our bones, as ancient as our ancestral line. Just as men have a language, women have a sisterhood that we need around us to survive well and to take the dives into the mystery that only women sense. It’s wrapped up in shadows and pleasure, passionate creativity, loss and grieving, and seduction mixed with rolling laughter. For us to find our center, we truly do need the love and support of other women.
The experts have the right idea you know, that there’s something we need to steer ourselves towards our joyful fulfillment in this life, but it’s not a perfectly balanced pie. It’s more of a sacred agreement to honor our core knowing, and to do it much as we have been taught by our bodies, in messy, loud colors and soft hues of rising and reposing cycles. We are to honor, cherish, and nurture pleasure in utter defiance of a culture that repudiates it. I’m convinced that balance takes care of itself when we are true to ourselves, and that pies are for sharing, the more the better. We can go ahead and use the graph to lay out a plan, but if we make the graph more important than our sense of bone knowing when the body says no, we risk coming from a flat line and missing out on the sheer pleasure of being alive. A woman knows, but a place where she can be heard tiptoeing towards her core with tears and fire is the sacred, cyclical, ever-changing map towards her true desires and her passion. Let this be the new “balance”.
Abundance has to be welcomed to show up. This isn’t obvious if one isn’t aware of the principles of manifestation. Today I thought I would go over just three of the various principles I’ve learned over the decades as a transformational teacher and healer.
- Be. Beingness is the first step to manifesting anything. Like attracts like in this universe, and so a scarcity mentality cannot possibly attract wealth and contain it for any period of time. Practicing thinking, feeling, and behaving as if one is already wealthy is a crucial step to having an abundant life.
- Do. Unlike some well-meaning but mistaken ideas out there, wealth doesn’t just come to those who haven’t generated the energy of wealth outwardly. As water seeks its own balance, so it is with the flow of compensation. One must begin to do things differently than they were doing them when they weren’t attracting what they wanted. It’s a universal law that what one gives comes back to the receiver multiplied. To attract wealth, one must begin to give in wealthy ways. Tithing is one way to do this. Setting up a plan of action to consistently serve others is another.
- Have. For some, this is the hardest way of being. It involves being open to receiving. You see, receiving and giving are the same energy, and so if one is unable to truly receive, they cannot truly give. Checking in to see what the motive is underneath the giving can lend insights into the internal work that must be done to truly become a giver that is unattached to the gift. A gift that’s done in expectation of reciprocal gifts is not a gift, it is an unspoken barter. When there’s attachment to an act of gifting, there wasn’t any gifting happening. Similarly, when one is unable to receive, the gift of the joy of giving is thwarted. The person trying to gift you isn’t able to generate abundance in their own lives in relation to you. Receiving and expressing gratitude to others and in one’s heart are acts of havingness that expand into wealthy ways of being.
These are truly basic, quick ideas about wealth consciousness, but there is much more to these teachings. Remembering that the order to abundance is to be, do, and have is a great start.