Do Shame Differently

June 19, 2014

I love to recycle the shameful and humiliating experiences in my life in ways that celebrate the fullness of the ways they enrich my expansion.  For instance, recently I held an event where no one showed up.  I spent two hours preparing the space and the materials, countless hours marketing and working on the site, social media, and emailing, etc.

What’s a goddess to do when this happens?  I chose to bask in the gorgeous space I created, eat the chocolates I brought, dance to the fabulous playlist I created, and make a sensual dance video while looking out at the lake.

 

Fully prepared tantric yoga circle for doing shame differently.

Fully prepared tantric yoga circle for doing shame differently.

This shifts the focus from victimization to sourcing and from resistance to flow.  It’s also called “riding the horse in the direction it’s going”, according to Werner Erhard, founder of est.

Engaging the flow, allowing the emotions to move through and surrendering to them, we find ourselves unleashed, less somatically blocked, and more fully alive.  It’s a good thing.  Tears can come and they’re well received.  We are gentle with ourselves and can find the ecstasy in the mundane.

Very soon I am creating an event where I will celebrate the people who have dumped me for their perfect self-exorcism, and release the crappy energy they left behind, bury the loss and humiliation in a funeral pyre, and make the very most out of my black wardrobe.  It will be a funeral for shame.  Cuz that’s the way I roll. ;-)

~Goddess Oceana

www.GoddessOceana.com

Banish Overwhelm From Your Queendom

June 7, 2014
 
 
I was speaking with a very dear friend this morning about our strategies for simplifying our lives, being more present, and banishing overwhelm.  It was a great convo where we each had our own practices to share, and so we ended up with a synergy of amazing tools.  Naturally, I thought it would be great to share them with you.  Love it, right?!
 
So here’s the deal.  Living a life of presence as an embodied goddess doesn’t mean you’re not expanding, growing, and learning.  It means that you come from a place of grounded empowerment, and that when you waver, you have the skills handy to bring yourself back into presence again.  We’re also naturally designed  to have divergent awareness.  We’re most often multi~tasking and feeling all of our surroundings calling for our goddessly attention.  We have the deliciously expansive view.  This is a beautiful thing about us.  
 
The problem occurs when we are pulled into too much conflicting divergence with old, worn~out patterns of trying to be nice and saying yes to every request.  We don’t think to ask for support and some of us haven’t learned how to say no.  We may not know how to do a certain thing and we’re too afraid of rejection to ask anyone.  Maybe we don’t know how to articulate something in a way that allows us to delegate.   Overwhelm happens when our natural proclivity as goddesses goes from choice to pleasing mode.  Our people~pleasing servant self takes control, and the goddessly aligned self reclines on her chaise lounge and sleeps.
 
That was the explanation, but now for the nitty~gritty, “how to reign it in” skills…
 
1.  When you notice you’re feeling overwhelmed, stop.  Just STOP what you’re doing for a minute.  Close your eyes and breathe in through your nose slowly, exhaling deeply, a few times.  This calms your nervous system and gives the madness a commercial break.
 
2.  Choose the ONE task at hand that you are doing.  Slow it down and see it through to completion.   Command the others to take a back seat until you finish.
 
3.  Reframe your self~blame.  Whatever your mind is freaking out about, it can wait.  Create a new story.  If you’re running late, decide you have perfect timing and that you can only get there when you get there. (Besides, the party doesn’t ever really start until you arrive.)  If the problem is that you’ve crammed 20 tasks into a day and can’t get them all done, choose three and call it a day well done.  Determine to give yourself larger time frames from now on.
 
4.  DELEGATE.  If you can delegate even a part of your task, call someone and request a specific action that will take the load off of you.  If you’re not sure how, start with one simple task that is easy to do and easy to articulate.  Then you can begin to build on that muscle next time. You’re not superwoman, you are a goddess.  Goddesses don’t do it all themselves. They are like queens, delegating, leading the kingdom.  You rule the temple, darling goddess!
 
5.  Start a spiritual practice a few minutes a day.  Make a promise to yourself.  Tiny, little disciplines really do build on themselves, and every drop matters. Don’t wait until you have one hour a day, or the perfect expanse of time.  Just.  Do. Something.  Mindful breathing, a beautiful prayer, one yoga pose, light a candle…you get the idea.  Anything done with applied, positive intention is a goddessly act of spiritual devotion.  Connecting with your spiritual center is the first breakthrough to alignment.
 
Over time, these habits will become second nature and overwhelm will occur less and less.  I know you can do it!
 
Would love to hear how these land for you, what works, and if you have any reports from the field.
 
~Goddess Oceana
 

Two Tips To Own Your Inner Goddess

March 17, 2014

Image

People approach me often and remark on my appearance, my hair, and overall something they can’t put their finger on.  Having devoted much time over my life on learning inner and outer beauty and spiritual practices, I understand what they’re commenting on.  It’s not just a physical beauty that comes and goes and is dependent on good hair days, makeup, and accessorizing, that has attracted them.

After all, I’m an older woman, I have some extra weight, and I’m not always dressed up.

The attracting factor is a receptivity, an internal move, and an energetic vibration.  These things can be felt across a room.  Often I don’t notice I’m doing it, because it has become such a part of who I am.

Today I’m going to teach you two tips that will begin to plant your attention into the center of where this originates, and simultaneously raise your vibration so that the glow inside starts to spread out and affect others.

Are you ready?!

The first move is to breathe in through your nose and bring your attention to your heart, and then to your belly.  These two places are both spiritual and sensual, and merely by placing your attention here, you become both connected to your divine center of spiritual connection, and your divinely erotic embodied center of feminine power.

The next move is to hold the intention that you are a divine being having an embodied experience, and coming from your heart and your belly, to choose to bless the world with each step while knowing that your words are prayers.

These tips are simple, yet profoundly powerful.   Try them out and let me know how it goes!

My mission is to empower women to step into and own their sacred sensual inner goddess, and to enjoy a more fulfilled life living their passionate purpose.  If you’re interested in knowing what steps to take to experience this in your life, email me for a free Clarity, Strategy, Action session now at Oceana@GoddessOceana.com.

 

Blissings & Blessings,

Goddess Oceana

 

http://www.GoddessOceana.com

 

I Could Believe I’m Mean and Hurtful

February 26, 2014

I have been told that I am a terrible communicator, that I speak in hurtful ways,  and that I am very blaming.  Every single day I have to be extremely careful in how I come across, and the minute I just relax into being casual, I find that I seem harsh to certain people. 

Some days it feels too hard to have to be so utterly vigilant, to have to work so incredibly hard around sensitive souls.  Since I am one, it’s true that it’s also incredibly hard to be me at times. 

 There are days when I truly don’t know what is true and what is not, whether it’s me or it’s the circumstances around me.  When someone says, it’s ALL you, Oceana…it’s all a reflection of you…I take that quite seriously, literally, and to heart.  And then the learned pattern of self~blaming begins internally. 

 My mind begins thinking I must be such a horrible person to be creating such a world so filled with reflections of suffering, blame, and scarcity. My feelings follow, and because I am so deeply sensitive, my emotions are intense, often causing me fierce suffering.

 Why am I telling you all of this? I have a hunch that I am not alone in this.  It’s a pattern of thinking that causes me great suffering, until I apply the powerful remedy of holding myself with compassion and love.  I begin to see that this thought pattern is actually a byproduct of misinterpreted metaphysical teachings.  I began studying them at a young age, and so I suspect my mindset then took everything literally.  Combine that with a dysfunctional upbringing, and the neural programming is a severe message.

 The most powerful lesson I have learned (the hard way) this past year is that yes, it can be our perceptions (all our perceived creation), but that it’s crucial to discern what type of mirror is being reflected.  Some mirrors are just love.  Others are love disguised as suffering until we learn to set a boundary.  And still others are there to prompt us into action, service, or movement towards our next phase.

 There are so many ways to heal this, and to reset the neural thought patterns.  My path is always about self~discovery and learning new ways to heal myself and then to support deep healing in others.  A few of the tools I have found the most powerful are meditation, tantric yoga (sound, breath, movement), EFT, Spiritual Response Therapy, journaling, conscious dreaming, shamanic healing…

 I’d be interested to hear the ways in which you take in the well~meaning messages from spiritual teachings, and how they translate in your own life. 

Have you suffered from misinterpretations, or from paths that just did not fit your internal guidance? 

In what ways do you still find yourself  stuck in thinking patterns that are old, and feel frustrated that those thoughts keep dragging you back into old ways of being?

 

~Goddess Oceana

http://www.goddessoceana.com

 

 

 

Are You Riding The Spin Cycle Or Are You In The Dryer?

February 7, 2014

Image

Did you lose your mojo along the way, girlfriend?  I know I have before, and it’s hard to know when it’s going to hit.  That’s why I’d like to give you some tips, some delicious and fun ways that you can reach down deep in an instant, and hook up to your mojo again.

 
You know the feeling when you’ve suddenly realized you haven’t been turned on by anything in a while, you’re living in your head with to-do lists, stressing out over all that needs to get done and no time to do it?  There’s a part of our cycle I like to call the Dry Cycle.  We got wet and had a fabulously bubbly time in the hot agitation of Turn On a while back, and then danced so hard we were spinning with delight in the Spin Cycle.  And you know what comes after that!  Yes, we find ourselves in the heat of it, getting dried out inside of catching up with all those things we let go while we were joyfully wet, and the timer is on.
 
What’s a gal to do?  The mind likes to step in with Ms. Perfection and beat us up with all the things we let slide while we were happily merging with the sudsy juicy fun.  Now it’s time for payback, right?  Well, sisters, I say no way.  It’s time to celebrate the cycles of womanhood.  It’s all good and it’s natural.  The minute we begin to let the fierce critic have the reigns, it’s all over for our magic.  The way to keep our magical goddess energy alive and well is to honor the cycles.
 
HONOR THE CYCLES, baby!
Say you’re in the dryer, and then you’re crazy busy folding, organizing, and lining stuff up back into the drawers…is this wrong?  Heck no.  It’s perfect.  You are perfect.  In all of the divine and glorious ways that you show up in the world, you are absolutely divinely perfect.  Order is necessary.  It only becomes a problem when we fight our cycles and make each one wrong, which is an easy trap to fall into when the whole world is feeding us messages about how we need to fix ourselves.
 
Try this on for a week and let me know how it goes for you.  Decide that what you’re up to is perfect.  Enjoy it, and find yourself absolutely fabulous while you’re in it.  Laying on the couch feeling sorry for yourself?  A necessary evil, so indulge fully while you’re there, and congratulate yourself for knowing when you need a full out break.  Running a thousand errands all at once with no vacation in sight?  PERFECT.  Wear your favorite perfume while you do it, and know that you’re in the Dryer Cycle making a great foundation for your next sudsy washer adventure.  You get the gist.  Make yourself right, find it perfect, and see how the energy lifts and life gets fun again.
 
Now, tell me what cycle you’re in right now, in the comments below, and tell me why it’s absolutely perfect and what a genius you are!
 
~Goddess Oceana
http://www.goddessoceana.com
http://twitter.com/GoddessOceana

On Welcoming A Wisewoman

January 23, 2014

Image

 

A new humility has surfaced in me the last couple of years, a sort of surrender to the wise woman birthing herself in my being as I round the corner of menopause.  Pregnancy with this energy seemed to have lasted a slowly percolating decade, but when labor ensued, it was a force I had no previous awareness of, raw and fierce and gentle all at the same time.

 

Before where I had a sense of self, knowing exactly who I was and where I was going, this wise woman crone brought down some sort of unearthly axe and suddenly I was forgetful, weak when I wanted to be strong, stupid when I needed to be sharp, exhausted when I had to be on my game, bored when I would rather have been curious and enthusiastic.  This old dame was turning me upside down and inside out.

 

Nothing like a huge and uncomfortable change ever seems to happen at a good time, does it?!  And so, surrender was not only necessary, but inescapable.  The crone energy is Kali Ma Herself, Hindu goddess of sharp, grand, and furious awakening.  When I finally decided to surrender, it seemed that it would require a willingness to speak up, a need to educate the less initiated, and a bold-assed declaration of my boundaries that pissed people off.

 

I’m still in the throes of this, but can report that a sense of humor is crucial.  When I find myself in certain situations, it can be utterly unnerving if I don’t have the capacity to laugh at myself with others.  The other day I told my 13 year old to please get his bacon on and get out to the car so we wouldn’t be late.  Words I have spoken my whole life suddenly interchange, and I don’t even hear myself as they slide effortlessly out of my mouth.  He just stood there laughing hysterically, with me feeling a bit offended.  “What are you laughing at?” I inquired.  He told me what I had just said, and I was baffled.  Truly, I thought I told him to get his coat on.

 

My sweet husband will attest that he can tell me something, only to find me asking the same question an hour or a day later,  as if the conversation never happened.  At first, he thought I was messing with him.  I explain that this is what birthing a crone looks like, and he’ll have to try to remember that I require a bit more gentleness, a bit more tolerance, and a whole lot of patience until she emerges and this passage is complete.  I am welcoming a wise woman, and she is in the becoming.

 

Who is in your life that is at the crossroads of this powerful transformation?  In what ways can you support her, learn from her, honor her in holding a space for soft landing while she is birthing possibly the most compelling and courageous transformation she has ever met?  If you are in this stage, how do you hold yourself gently, and what are you celebrating about it?

 

I would love to hear your experience, your questions, your deep inquiries and gifts…feel free to share below.

 

~Goddess Oceana

http:/www.goddessoceana.com

 

 

 

Balance Is Absurd

January 23, 2014

she-doesnt-quite-have-it-all-copy

The almighty experts who are trying to figure out how women can have it all tell us that above all, we must strive for balance.  Better yet, draw a pie graph and label each slice with a different area of your life and give each slice a number from one to ten.  Then work harder on the low numbers.  I have news for these experts, girlfriend.  The people who create these graph exercises are missing the fact that for each woman there are many, many levels of pies all stacked up, some thrown and some eaten.  A woman can eat a pie and bake another one that matches it and no one will ever be the wiser.  It’s just not so simple.  After years of following expert advice like a good girl, why am I coming up facing the same struggle and beating myself up on top of it?  I’ve given this some thought, done some intensive research, and am realizing there are a few things I have to say on the matter.

First of all, a woman striving for balance is like a cloud trying to maintain precipitation without ever raining.  Women are not linear beings going from point A to point B in one straight, even, carefully drawn line.  The women I know are messy, neat, beautiful, disheveled, passionate, irritable, sweet, generous, terrified, confident, completely neurotic, powerful, sexy, intimidated, anxious, boring, exciting, insecure, happy, depressed, on fire, and so very much more.  In fact, every single one of these adjectives could describe one single woman at any given time.  The women I have experienced who seem to have their lives in perfect balance on the outside are often lacking a certain internal fire, a spark in their eyes, or are medicated unduly by unwitting professionals trying to treat a label rather than dig deeper.  Just sayin.  I’m personally convinced that balance is something water finds, scales measure, and construction workers who aren’t in a messy hurry find with a level.

The single thing that has lit me up and given me a sense of ownership and creative power in my life has been pleasure as a practice, combined with an internal experience of the sacredness of all of life, wrapped up in the love of other women.  There’s a certain knowing that goes womb-deep that women hold for each other, unspoken, palpable, and in a silent language “bone”.  It’s something we just know in our bones, as ancient as our ancestral line.  Just as men have a language, women have a sisterhood that we need around us to survive well and to take the dives into the mystery that only women sense.  It’s wrapped up in shadows and pleasure, passionate creativity, loss and grieving, and seduction mixed with rolling laughter.  For us to find our center, we truly do need the love and support of other women.

The experts have the right idea you know, that there’s something we need to steer ourselves towards our joyful fulfillment in this life, but it’s not a perfectly balanced pie.  It’s more of a sacred agreement to honor our core knowing, and to do it much as we have been taught by our bodies, in messy, loud colors and soft hues of rising and reposing cycles.  We are to honor, cherish, and nurture pleasure in utter defiance of a culture that repudiates it.  I’m convinced that balance takes care of itself when we are true to ourselves, and that pies are for sharing, the more the better.  We can go ahead and use the graph to lay out a plan, but if we make the graph more important than our sense of bone knowing when the body says no, we risk coming from a flat line and missing out on the sheer pleasure of being alive.  A woman knows, but a place where she can be heard tiptoeing towards her core with tears and fire is the sacred, cyclical, ever-changing map towards her true desires and her passion.  Let this be the new “balance”.

Why You Keep Getting Stuff You Don’t Want

December 7, 2013
 
Here come the holidays!  They’re right around the corner and as a woman striving to unleash her goddess on the world, how can you end up satisfied, filled up, and in a state of joyful pleasure this coming season?
 
I’ve been thinking on this lately as I release and declutter, feng shui and get clear about what I desire more of in my life.  It occurred to me that maybe noone else knows what I really want, and if this is the case, then how can they participate in the fun?  
 
We women are notorious for being coy when it comes to gifting, preferring to give rather than to receive, and hoping others, (specifically our significant others) can read our minds.  One of the best assignments I received when I studied with Mama Gena was to create a desire list and put it where people could actually see it.  It sounds simple enough, but did I do it? Not without discomfort and certainly not often enough.
 
You see, we have no one but ourselves to hold responsible when we want this or that fabulous sparkly new thing, and instead we receive another microwaveable heat pack for cramps or the same thing we asked for two years ago when we finally relented and told the truth.  Problem is, by now we’re over that gift and on to the next thing.
 
I don’t want you to think that this letter is only about what we can get, and how to get more material stuff.  I know it sounds like it so far.  The point is that to stretch our goddessly feminine muscles of receiving, we need to be willing to name what it is we want.  It begins with being willing to ask for the obvious, and then when we get more comfy with that, it spreads like butter into the bedroom, boardroom, and the world.
 
If we, as women, are going to heal the world, we have to heal ourselves first.  That means actually receiving the gifts the world wants to give us so badly, and taking responsibility for what we get.  We don’t get to complain if we get a lot of crap we don’t even want…because that will only attract more crap we don’t even want! 
 
The great news is that we do have the power to ask and it starts with tiny weights with only a few repetitions.  The muscles can build really fast, no worries.
 
Here’s some research for this week:
 
1.  Meditate for three minutes or more on this question:  What do I really, really want?
 
2.  Write it all down.
 
3.  Create a couple of lists with this information.  One list is your own private list of what you really want.  The next list is a bite-sized list that’s easily do~able by your partner or loved ones.  This second list will be POSTED on your refrigerator for ALL to see.
Just write:  “Stuff I Really Want” at the top and then number about 5 or 6 things you know your loved ones can deliver easily.  You can mention in passing that you realized noone knows what you want and you figured it would be great to let them know.  Leave it at that.  No pressure, no high expectations.
 
4.  BE APPRECIATIVE and express gratitude when someone delivers!!!
 
5.  Wait and see what happens and report back to me…I can’t wait to hear the details!
 
Enjoy playing with this exercise, and if you want more inspiration, come and follow me on facebook at Goddess Oceana fan page.  I post several tips and inspirations a week and would love to connect with you there.
 
~ Goddess Oceana

 http://www.GoddessOceana.com

Image

3 Basic Laws of Wealth Consciousness

October 13, 2013

Image

 Abundance has to be welcomed to show up.  This isn’t obvious if one isn’t aware of the principles of manifestation.  Today I thought I would go over just three of the various principles I’ve learned over the decades as a transformational teacher and healer.

 

  1. Be.  Beingness is the first step to manifesting anything.  Like attracts like in this universe, and so a scarcity mentality cannot possibly attract wealth and contain it for any period of time.  Practicing thinking, feeling, and behaving as if one is already wealthy is a crucial step to having an abundant life.
  2. Do.  Unlike some well-meaning but mistaken ideas out there, wealth doesn’t just come to those who haven’t generated the energy of wealth outwardly.  As water seeks its own balance, so it is with the flow of compensation.  One must begin to do things differently than they were doing them when they weren’t attracting what they wanted.  It’s a universal law that what one gives comes back to the receiver multiplied. To attract wealth, one must begin to give in wealthy ways.  Tithing is one way to do this.  Setting up a plan of action to consistently serve others is another.
  3. Have.  For some, this is the hardest way of being.  It involves being open to receiving.  You see, receiving and giving are the same energy, and so if one is unable to truly receive, they cannot truly give.  Checking in to see what the motive is underneath the giving can lend insights into the internal work that must be done to truly become a giver that is unattached to the gift.  A gift that’s done in expectation of reciprocal gifts is not a gift, it is an unspoken barter.  When there’s attachment to an act of gifting, there wasn’t any gifting happening.  Similarly, when one is unable to receive, the gift of the joy of giving is thwarted.  The person trying to gift you isn’t able to generate abundance in their own lives in relation to you.  Receiving and expressing gratitude to others and in one’s heart are acts of havingness that expand into wealthy ways of being.

 These are truly basic, quick ideas about wealth consciousness, but there is much more to these teachings.  Remembering that the order to abundance is to be, do, and have is a great start.

 

 

 

 

The Spiritual Path of Business

October 12, 2013

Image

What do you want more of in your life?  Recently, I asked this question to a few thousand people, and the responses came pouring in.  More love, more money, more travel, and to know what one wants were the prevalent themes.  

When I originally posed this question, I was working on a program I’ve been creating and wanted to see which focus would serve the most people.  It didn’t occur to me that I had already been serving up what I serve up best, and that the people who were following me on social media were there because of what they found with me.  This single realization was an entrepreneurial epiphany on caffeine.

It’s true that an entrepreneurial venture is one of the most powerful incubators for spiritual growth.  When I first heard that statement, I didn’t get it.  Now, after years of enduring the white hot heat of entrepreneurialism, I totally get it.  Many transformations take place in honing all of the different aspects of a business, and everything in it reflect the person who’s creating it.  If one doesn’t continue to get their act together, the business will fail.  Oh yes, and only the heavy duty stick-with-it-ers win. This mix is a cauldron of personal growth and transformation.

 Giving up is not in the vocabulary of an true entrepreneur.  Changing, re-aligning, shifting ideas around, finding resources, finding information, working harder, working smarter, learning to balance, researching, delegating, laser-focused introspection, communication, team work, social skills, belief, dogged faith and determination, relentless self-inventory…these and more are all a part of creating and running a business.

What does this have to do with the question I posed?  In seeking to serve the most people and asking them how I could serve them what they truly wanted, I found out what the heart of my business was.  Years of being coached didn’t uncover this precious gem.  I’ve agonized over it, taken quiz after quiz, courses, read libraries of books, listened to videos, ad nauseum. But after all was said and done, the single most powerful step I’ve taken came out of prayer and meditation, and a deep desire to serve.

What were the steps I took?  First, I tried everything else I could think of.  When none of it offered my answer, I gave up and told Source to just give me a sign please.  Then I lived in surrender for a while.  I felt an urge to serve and put out a call in the form of a question to everyone I knew. The a~ha moment came only after I had given up my own agenda and opened my heart fully to serving others.  It’s happened before, but now I’m seeing the pattern and it has a definite flavor.

The places in my life where I have fully given myself to service, heart and soul, are the places where the richest gifts have come to me.  They’re the places where I had no expectation, and the gifts arrived like a universal, colossal Christmas of a tidal wave.  

Here are the things I’ve learned about how to run a successful business so far in no special order:

1. Show up regularly and fully.

2. Honor the concept of time.

3. See what is wanted and needed, and give that.

4. Have fun no matter what.

5. If it lights you up, it’s yours to do.

6. Put Source, God, your Higher Self, whatever you call It, first.

7. Banish negative thoughts and negative people.

8. Focus on what’s working and do more of that.

9. Live a healthy lifestyle.

10. Pour love into everything you’re doing.

11. Honor the people you serve.

12. Be willing to receive.

13. Always go the extra mile.

14. There’s no such thing as competition when the Divine is in charge.

15. Procrastination is a sign that it’s time to dance and listen to what your body needs you to know.

16. Every single thing turns out better if you pray first.

17. Love yourself.

18. Be very flexible and open.

19. Great support comes in unexpected ways if you keep your eyes open.

20. Give more of what you don’t have enough of.

 

 


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 767 other followers

%d bloggers like this: