Healing Cancer Methods & Magick

May 31, 2019

The other day I interviewed Heather Starr, a local controversially fabulous entrepreneur who is healing herself holistically from cancer.

Interview Healing Cancer Click Here

Episode 5 of Goddess Oceana Salon

Heather Starr is a controversial figure and artist in her community whose works span illustrative, television, dance, animal rights living art, and textile modalities as she blows up the confines of what it means to live life as an outlier.

Feminine, physically striking, compassionate, creative, wild, living life on her terms, anti-people pleasing, and genius…listen as Heather Starr shares her journey with cancer and her discoveries outside the box of the medical system.

Self help and self improvement ideas, and educating on topics outside the norm are her specialty and you can find her ebook with practical, simple, yet life-changing advice at http://www.lulu.com, “Hippo $hit.”

 http://www.lulu.com/shop/heather-starr/hippo-shit/ebook/product-24065758.html

Comment below and let us know of your own healing journey and what is working for you.

Goddess Blesssings,

Goddess Oceana

Go to my website HERE and get a free gift when you sign up for my newsletter.

 

Stuck On Repeat? Shake It Loose

April 22, 2019
I hope your Eostara/Easter/Resurrection weekend was as fabulous as you are.
Whether it was delicious, sweet, challenging, mediocre, or isolating, I know that your destiny points to the perfection of it all, even if you cannot see it yet.
Since it’s a time of brand new beginnings on the path to your ultimate destiny and life purpose (it said so in the stars), you may be wondering what the heck is in the way.
* Why are you still dealing with the same old pattern?
*What is it with the universe daring to withhold your abundant great stuff?
* Why are they getting theirs and I’m not getting mine?
Today, I will unpack exactly why you’re stuck on repeat, sweet sister.
There is a whole recipe for manifesting your most fulfilling life, stepping into synchronous bliss, and living life large with feminine aplomb.
So this one step I’m sharing with you, although it’s crucial like air and water, will only work if you’re working all of them.
However, I find this one really can be a stickler because it doesn’t ever go away.
In one word, it’s the almighty forgiveness factor.
You may say to yourself that you already said forgiveness prayers for those people, or you have a right to be angry, or maybe you’ve done all you could and they’re still a shit.
This is a wonderful place to begin….again.
Forgiveness is an ongoing process.
It begins with us.  It ends with us.  It’s about us, never about them.
Regardless of the heinous, misguided, horrific drama that played out with us feeling victimized, offended, traumatized or crushed like a gardenia under a cement block, the only way to unfuck ourselves in life is to forgive.
In order to forgive, sometimes we just have to step up into a higher view of the situation, look at where the source of another’s wounded behavior might have come from, and apply grace within ourselves over it.
And then rinse and repeat as many times as it surfaces inside of us as hurt or anger.
When we can surrender our ego to that extent, the universe has a wide open runway to propel so much abundance and good our way, it’s like the firehose of life has no off switch.
May you have the strength to forgive always and forever so that your magnificent blessings pour into your life unbound and in dizzying glory.
Forgiven,
Goddess Oceana
www.goddessoceana.com
https://www.facebook.com/GoddessOceana/
P.S.  If being buoyed by a community of supportive, witchy women while you hone your manifesting skillz sounds appealing, check out the Manifest Your Fabulous (Relationship) Desires Program on Facebook now.
http://goddessoceana.com/events/

Why People Compliment My Skin

March 9, 2019

GO_blog

“Wow, you have such beautiful skin!”

I hear this so often, and what may come as a surprise is that I expend energy on my skin.  My skin started out with good genetics, I admit.  My mother had beautiful skin and my sister has beautiful skin.

However, post menopause, I noticed a dramatic change in my skin elasticity and some spots showing up seemingly out of nowhere.  It was so dramatic that it was alarming for me.

So I did what I always tend to naturally do, research.  Like crazy.  I’m a fierce researcher and don’t stop until I find answers.

I scoured the internet, asked tons of people, spent hours with nutrition experts discussing collagen, hormones and skin, and then set about experimenting on myself.

I purchases facial massagers, used creams and scrubs from various companies, tried peptide creams, alpha hydroxy serums, intensive vitamin C serums, all kinds of exfoliators, steams, herbal preparations, balms, needle rollers, Korean rice cleansers, you name it.

Four things made the biggest difference for me, personally.  I’m going to share them with you here and now, and hope I’ve saved you some time and frustration.

Exfoliation:

I learned from a Dr. Lancer who is a dermatologist to the rich and famous, that exfoliation is the number one thing that he recommends.

It must be done daily, and it must be done all the way down the neck, over the shoulders, and across the decollete.  There are various price levels of products you can use, but the most important thing is that they don’t tear the skin and they’re effective but not damaging.

You can pay top dollar if that is your pleasure, but I am an avid believer in practicality and wealth generating activities, so I like to be cautious with any product that eventually ends up down the drain.  I’d rather save large sums of money and have them working for me, rather than flowing directly into the septic system.

I do, however ,treat myself well.  I won’t put hormone disrupting chemicals on my face.

So I invest in a high quality exfoliant that is not top of the line, but is wonderful, great for my skin and a pleasure to use.  Then I purchase some lower end, natural as possible products, and I alternate.

I absolutely adore Dermalogica products, and especially love the Thermofoliant with it’s warming action.  This scrub is vitamin packed, and truly gets all of the surface skin scrubbed thoroughly.  My face feels amazing and looks amazing when I use it.

Here’s the time-saving link to get some:

Dermalogica Multivitamin Thermafoliant

Collagen:

When I started digging into skincare, I learned more about collagen than I knew existed.   I had no idea previously that it was the foundation for plump, glowing skin.

I tried to encourage collagen production in my skin with rice powder and exfoliants, with no noticeable good results.  All it did was make my skin drier.

A small venture into hormone treatments, I quickly realized that my priority is health coupled with longevity, and decided after research that I have a personal aversion to ingesting hormones.  If I had to do it, of course I would, but I am fortunate at this time to have choice about it.  My motto is to do the least damage with the most benefits first.

Then there were months of simmering whole chickens in my crockpot, making  bone broth, freezing it in individual containers and have a cup a day.  Tedious, time consuming and messy ordeal that it was, I had to find other resources. Don’t get me wrong, it’s the most fantastic and direct way to get deliciously organic, healthy collagen.  But as an entrepreneur, I simply don’t have time to make it constantly, so I do it occasionally.

These days I also keep the boxed bone broth, celiac safe and gluten free  whenever I make soup, and I have at least two scoops of collagen powder a day or more.

Here’s the kicker on collagen powder.  It does double duty, so it’s the smartest thing ever. It is also supporting my bones and joints.  I was diagnosed with osteopenia, and happy that I’d been using collagen powder for months already because it really does support bone health.  Mostly, for me, if I missed taking it, my joints would ache (autoimmune challenges over here) and my face wouldn’t be so bright and fresh.  There was an unmistakable difference in the appearance of my face.  The first time I noticed this and put it together, I suddenly remembered that I’d forgotten my collagen powder for two days!

When I can handle two things with one product or solution, I am a ridiculously happy camper.  In fact, as a super busy mom, wife, and business owner, everything I add to my life must save me time and energy or it’s out.

I did lots of the dirty work comparing brands, trying them out on myself, and checking my budget. Trading time for money was not, sadly going to make my life smoother when it came to simmering whole chickens. I tried so many different brands of collagen powder, some in smaller containers, some larger, some with peptides, some not.  Some had other supplements in them, some tasted awful, some ended up all clumpy in my coffee.

Due to the fabulous liquid organic vitamin I take daily, I didn’t need the more expensive powders with supplements in them. Also, I wanted something that had no aftertaste and no flavor so that I could add it to anything.

I found one I adore and I use two containers of it a month.  I had it put on autoship with Amazon (another awesome timesaver for me with a long list of products that I need every month) so I never have to take the time to order it, and I love this stuff.  It goes in my tea, my morning coffee, my hot chocolate, my soup, and my yogurt.

Here’s the one I highly recommend, and it is celiac safe:

Collagen Peptides Powder (16oz) | Grass-Fed, Certified Paleo Friendly, Non-Gmo and Gluten Free – Unflavored

In case you’re wondering what I do for daily vitamins with my celiac tummy, this is that liquid, vegetable packed supplement both my husband and I take daily.  It tastes decent (husby actually loves it), gives me so much energy, and is truly easy to digest.  Again, I keep trying things until I get the best solution, and I’ve had some seriously nasty liquid supplements that I had to hold my nose to choke down and that left me with stomach upset.

I’ve done the work for you here:

LiquiVive Liquid Vitamins

Sleep:

Now this is a tough one.  You can’t get it out of a bottle, and you can’t make up for it if you forget to take it.

Without sleep, I look like I’m hurting these days.  And I am!  I’m a morning person, and I must get to bed at a reasonable hour if I’m going to have any energy for anything the next day.

Sometimes I am just wired and it’s difficult for me to fall asleep especially since I live with two night owls.  So I’ve devised ways to soothe my nerves at night, routines that quiet my mind and support relaxation.

I’ve tried many types of calming herbal tea, but here are two of my favorites, and you can find one of these in a lovely mug on my bedside table every single night.  I sip them while massaging my feet and hands with a rich lotion, and say my gratitudes for the day.

Both of these taste divine:

Sweet Dreams

For an extra treat, I have some Tulsi Sweet Rose

And if the quiet is lacking, I use ear plugs, a sleep mask, and make sure the mattress pad is on for warmth in the winter, and there are no night lights or digital lights shining.

I even have a free app on my iphone with nature sounds, so when I’m really needing soothing I play ocean waves. Search for apps with nature sounds and find one you love.

Self Massage

This may sound odd to some, but my extensive background (decades) in yoga training included some practices that aren’t taught in mainstream yoga.  One of those practices is daily self massage of the lymph nodes, scalp, feet, entire body actually.

It is deeply relaxing, takes minutes,  and supports the release of toxins from the body.  It also helps the glands function properly, and keeps the skin healthy. I highly recommend this practice to my students learning to love themselves, honor their bodies, and do pleasure practices daily.

So daily massage of my face is a must now.  It makes a big difference in stress levels and in production of natural oils. It feels amazing and is so deeply nurturing.

I attribute yoga with much of my body’s preservation and better health at my age, and recommend it to everyone as proactive healthcare.

These four basics are my foundation for beautiful skin and feeling good, which for me results in glowing skin.  I have many more practices and products that I use, but I think these are the bottom line for me. some time I’ll write about aromatherapy and what I make at home.

I hope you found this article useful and helpful.

Would love to hear your skincare basics that you feel really work!

Here’s to beauty, inside and out!

Goddess Oceana

www.goddessoceana.com

Relationships, Dating, and Healing

February 7, 2019

People crave love, safety, and security in a world that’s scary and harsh.  I know I do.

I think women just want someone to love and cherish them, appreciate them and for godsake, to stop with the objectification.

Women tell me all the time that they sooooooo deeply desire someone who will love them and share a meaningful live with them, enjoy family, and stick with them through thick and thin.

Most of the women who come to me for help in attracting a soulmate want to know that someone respects them enough to get to know them and take their time to court them, rather than grope them on a first date or assume that a date is a sexual transaction.

They’re so tired of dating sites where people can pretend to be someone other than who they really are.

Women, and also many men, truly want to be able to trust that who they’re interacting with is a real person, telling the truth about themselves, and not a commodity or just an airbrushed torso in order to trick someone else into meeting up with them.

There’s so much hiding.  Hiding behind photos and videos, pretending to have a lifestyle that’s not what it really is, talking about things that you think someone else wants to hear rather than your simple truth…

When a sensitive, sincere, kind woman puts herself out there on a dating site, the shock of the endless assault of men who are there simply to get laid is overwhelming and hugely disappointing.

It’s enough to make many women sick, and to stop using dating sites altogether.  Some even go into a kind of dulling down, where they pretty much give up and decide they’re  just going to be alone for the rest of their lives.  Cuz who has the energy for this?

It also goes the other way around, where authentic men post from the heart, but their attempts can backfire.  They encounter women who have extreme expectations of perfection about men. 

It all stems from unhealed emotional pain from previous relationships, but nonetheless, this search for the perfect man is there.  On the receiving end of this, many open-hearted men get chewed up and spit out in the process, weathering more and more assaults on their well-meaning attempts to connect sincerely.

And you know what?  I find it really painful to witness what people go through.  It’s reminiscent of my own suffering in dating and in past relationships.  Ow.

I want to see people heal their old patterns and wounds before jumping back into the dating game.

Why?

Because I know beyond doubt that it is the old patterns and dynamics that keep this cycle of disappointment in place.  I know because I’ve lived it, and turned it around.  I’ve had every manner of relationship, and been on enough dates in my lifetime to know firsthand how exhilarating and how miserable it can be.

Someone asked me recently if one can do this inner work of healing while they’re dating or already in a relationship, and I said yes.  Inside the arena of interacting with another person are the golden nuggets of our shadows…those nasty patterns that need healing for the suffering to stop.  Relationship is the perfect playground in which to transform oneself.

It’s really, really hard to do this work without professional support, though.  Whether you decide to keep dating while healing, or while in a marriage or relationship that’s rocky, or you choose to do the deep work outside of relationship and take a break while you do it, it’s important to have support.

I’m not here to tell you who to work with right now.  And I’m not here to tell you that having no professional support means you cannot do this.  Some people can.  I fact, I’m just not interested in telling you what to do, other than to listen to your own internal wisdom.  Your inner guidance is always right.

Here’s what I know…

Some people find working with a therapist to be really helpful.  If the therapist is really good at what they do, and they work progressively towards your end date, it can be very powerful and life-changing.  It can also help to bring awareness in a gentle environment of what your personal patterns from childhood were, and to understand what healthy versus dysfunctional behavior is.  In therapy you have professional support well-versed in various life and work challenges that are rooted in behavioral dynamics, chemical imbalances, and personality disorders, among many other things.  It is one approach where the support is the main function, backed by psychological health expertise.

Others work with a coach, and I think it’s the same dynamic in terms of working towards an end date.  There’s a definiteness of purpose that happens when you’re working within a time frame where focus and forward movement propel the  desired goal into being.  Working with a coach, however, is not the same as therapy.  It’s important to make this distinction, because a coach is there to support the vision you desire, not to manage mental health challenges specific to therapy.

The problem is when someone is indefinitely going along to sessions and they don’t have a vision of what they ultimately want out of it, and the therapist/coach is just going along as well.

Having the support of healers on this journey is super helpful, because then you’re working on all levels towards a more fulfilled life.  You might choose acupuncture and massage, with Reiki or Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping).  Energy healers and shamanic practitioners are also an excellent choice.  There’s really no end to the kinds of energy work you can do to support your process and move the big, congealed blocks that have kept you stuck.  Past life influence can come into play, and this is something an energy healer can help you with, versus a therapist.

It’s really a matter of what you’re drawn to, what feels right for you, and what kinds of patterns you’re dealing with.  Try people out, and see who resonates.  Track the results.

I wanted to create a picture of what I see happening so that you can see you’re not alone in this.  There are many people struggling with the world of relationships and dating right now, and there are ways to get the support necessary to have what you really and truly desire.  Love and companionship is so possible for anyone who wants it.

Knitting As An Act of Passion

January 18, 2019

Recently I started to knit with a wild and fierce determination.

It could have been my passionate love for colors and my deep need for sensual touch that pointed me in the direction of soft, delicious yarns I could spend hours running over and around my skin.

It could have been the state of the world and a feeling that overcame me of needing to do something tangible that would lift spirits for more than a few minutes.

Maybe it was the budget my husband and I set for the holidays, and a deep desire to create meaningful gifts that didn’t cost a fortune, and demonstrated my love for people rather than the quick and easy obligatory shopping trip.

Perhaps it was the fact that I was detoxing from sugar, and keeping my hands busy with yarn while my mind was focused on prayer, distracting me from my usual trips to the cupboard for cookies.

And then there was the fact that my beloved little goddess doggie passed away after months of hospice, and I found it so powerfully comforting to receive a tiny crocheted bit of a prayer shawl from the Temple of Witchcraft ministry that I wanted to spread this love to others.

Maybe two decades of childrearing and keeping a house were coming to a close and I wanted somewhere to channel the grief of letting go while still feeling relevant and useful in the world.

It’s not that I was new to knitting or crocheting, sewing, or anything creative with my hands.  It was that I found myself determined to carve out a place for this in my life.  I wanted to complete projects rather than moving the basket around my house for fifteen years or so, thinking that someday I’d have time to finish that thing.

There is something so primal about knitting in a world where a machine made item can be spat out in minutes.  Primal, spiritual, and tangible.  And that translates to passion for me, because it combines the three ways in which we can align our energies in this world to truly rock our soul potential.

Whatever we doing in this world, the fires of passion will fuel our focused intention.  Seemingly small acts that are consistent will move mountains.

This passionate knitting habit looks so inconspicuous, but let me assure you, it’s a disguised sensual fire of world healing, from the inside out.

~Goddess Oceana is a Women’s Sensual Empowerment Expert, Shamanic Healer, and Goddess Oracle as well as an author and spiritual life coach.

You can find her knitting circle once a month in her healing office at Equinox Healing Arts, 85 Main St., Suite 303, Hopkinton, Ma., or leading a sacred ritual at the Goddess Circle.

 

Burnout and Saying No

January 4, 2018
yes no confusion
Are you confused about what is an obligation, what’s a necessity,  and how to up your self care mode?
You’re not alone!  I’ve received questions from clients who are sincerely working on self care and clearing their lives of extraneous obligations in order to heal burnout. Some are single moms who can’t afford to take a month and go to a resort for recovery.
I’m writing this for those of you who have trouble figuring out what to say no to, in order to come back to yourself and ground into your truth and health again.
Let’s do this with lists, because it helps to organize your boundaries on paper where you can clearly see what you’re saying yes to, what’s a no, and where that line really is.  When it comes to self care, I think the first step is in making a list of absolute priorities. Income to eat and pay the bills is a number one priority, because without that we starve and are homeless.  So that goes on the list.
Next, look at what else must happen for your survival and add those items.   When we have a hard time drawing boundaries around what we say yes to, we can sometimes get fuzzy in our thinking about what’s a priority.  I know I have had to work at discerning priorities from other things.  In the world of obligations, survival is the one and only measure of  what you’ll be putting on this list.
Once you get really clear on what you must do,  make another list of what you “should” do…like maybe you feel you should do all the dishes at home or no one else will do them. Or you should fold everyone’s laundry because you can’t stand it when theirs isn’t folded.
Stuff like that is not survival stuff.   It’s more a matter of not setting a boundary around where you deserve the respect and honoring of your time, or where you create more work for yourself because you’re feeling out of control if others aren’t doing things the way you want them done.  In this list, you’ll be using your calm, loving indoor voice with clear  and simple directions for those around you, according to their age and abilities.
For example, folding someone else’s laundry eats into your rest and rejuvenation time. Looking at their messy piles might also stress you out. What you need is to brainstorm solutions.
An example of a solution would be to tell them you need more time for rest, and will not be folding their laundry. You also know that you do not want piles where you can see them.  Tell them this is important for your serenity, and that they can stuff the clothes under their bed for all you care, but your boundary is that clean laundry is put where you do not have to look at it while you’re healing from burnout.
When my son was little, a solution would have been to stop folding altogether and get him a dirty basket and a clean basket.  It’s really okay to let laundry sit unfolded if your health and sanity need attention.
I know this is a simple example, but if you can apply that to the list of things you are doing that can be delegated, you can take those “to do’s” off your plate. There are a million things we, as women, think we should be doing that aren’t necessary to survival.
Basically, it’s more a matter of taking anything off of your own plate that you’ve been doing that eats into time you could be resting or enjoying yourself.  Either decide it can wait a month, or that someone else can do it, and then brainstorm how.
Take an hour or two and really do this whole list making exercise, because that investment of time up front will be the steel floor on which you build your self care.
For me, grocery shopping became a big time suck out of my down time from my business. So I explained to my husband that I needed support around not having to do that for a while, possibly from now on. He had some great suggestions, goddess bless him! Now, I text him a list and he picks stuff up on his way home from work. For bulk items, I found out that there are online subscription sites where you can choose items you want shipped automatically, and can even specify how often. I also changed the day that I do the major grocery shopping to the weekend so that my husband and son bring everything in and help me put it away. I have less stress all around. I still get basic groceries, but am not doing it all myself and it’s a much easier haul.
Another simple solution was hampers in every bedroom.   I told my family I’d put loads into the washer and dryer, but folding and putting away was their job. The new order was that if the clothes were not next to the washer, I’d no longer go on the detective mission in their rooms to look for them. I now spend a fraction of the time on laundry.
Also, my particular burnout took the form of thyroid problems. My family members are night owls and I’m a morning person, and I could never get sleep when they were awake.  We sat down and brainstormed solutions together.  Now,  I announce I’m going to bed, they put on their headphones with any media, they keep their voices to a whisper, and they don’t turn lights on in my room.   I bought earplugs and an eye mask. I sleep now and they honor that. I was able to heal my hypothyroid without medication because of my willingness to honor my needs and speak my truth.
Let’s say you’re burned out and it’s truly time to take care of yourself.  You really need to start from the ground up and create a new platform or foundation for your health and well-being.  Here’s a metaphor that might help you create those boundaries…
When you begin to say no to anyone asking you to do things that are above and beyond survival, it’s like taking everything out of your closet except one outfit that’s your basic, great-fitting, comfortable one. From there, you keep saying no to anything that doesn’t fit beautifully, or that isn’t the exactly color you’re loving, or is anything that anyone else thinks you “should” wear that you really don’t love or feel good in.
You’re clearing your closet of life with lists and discernment, feeling in your body what is a yes and what is a no. You’re doing what you need to do to breathe, eat, have a roof, but you’re saying no to anything extra that’s not in your absolute pleasure.
After that, you’ll find you have a set point to go back to, and you’ll begin to have sharper vision for what is a yes in your life, and what is a no.
~Goddess Oceana

Yule Enlightened

December 23, 2017

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In old tradition, long before Christianity, people would bring a tree into the house at this solstice, and decorate it with symbols of fruit, flowers, butterflies, birds, and snowflakes.
In this way, they showed their faith that summer and an abundance of food would come again.
This is much like the manifestation practice, where we plant the seed of our desire, and then act in full faith that it is absolutely coming to us.
People of old would sing and dance and drum as the Solstice Sun rose in the sky in honor of the returning light.
We take action and celebrate in advance for the good that is on it’s way.
In keeping with nature and the cycles of the seasons that are so essential in our lives, the celebration of Yule includes honoring the Sun God and the Dark God. The Dark God is simply the one that is with us as the days get shorter (not dark as in “evil” but dark as in literally shorter days of sunlight), and the Sun God is the returning of the sun in the sky for days that get longer and light that warms our earth and grows our food.
The myth of the Holly King passing into shadow so that the Oak King may rule this time of increase was honored by lighting the white Sun God candle from the flame of the black Dark God candle, and then snuffing out the black candle to signify this event.
(my synopsized version of information from a writing by Thuri Calafia).
I think people everywhere celebrate the returning of the light, in a multitude of ways.
Here, we can see how the Pagan traditions of old were used to inform (some say stolen, borrowed, transitioned into, etc.) the Christmas celebration and the Christmas tree, the celebration of the birth of the “sun god,” Jesus Christ the newborn Child of Light. You’ll find so many myths across all cultures that are versions of this story. People globally feel the universal archetypes and synchronize to the cycles of nature here on our Mother Earth.
I have great hope for the coming year and am planting the seeds of universal healing, holding the greater vision for a world where peace and love reign.
A part of that vision includes educating so that the scary stories and propaganda surrounding witchcraft and paganism are wiped away with sound understanding.
When we take the time to study and inform ourselves, the Sun is not the only light that returns.
We are literally returned into an enlightenment, where understanding leads to compassion, patience and love.
I’m wishing each of you a very blessed Winter Solstice, a gloriously Blessed Yule, a Very Merry Christmas, a sacred (even though it’s already over) Hanukkah, a beautiful Kwanzaa…and all of the other sacred traditions that make up our rich, abundant, and spectacularly magnificent world. 

~Goddess Oceana

All Those Lonely Men

December 15, 2017

lonely man

 

“This is for all the lonely people.”
I saw an elderly woman in a waiting room the other day. She was having a great time chatting everyone up. At first, people were giving her the side-eye, wondering if she was normal or a bit crazy, talking to all those strangers as if she were there friend.
Soon, though, one person began to warm up to her and responded, and they started talking. Others looked curious.
After a while, everyone was smiling and relaxing more in their chairs.
The scenario struck me as familiar in how I tend to move through the world, fortunate to have been raised by a mother who treated everyone as if they were her children. She was outgoing and friendly, and really didn’t think anything of talking to people around her. With that role model ( and often included in the conversations as a child) I find that I am the same way.


During this holiday season, it saddens me to think of so many who have no one to celebrate with, or who are experiencing such deep loss or suffering that the celebrations around them only seem to compound the loneliness.


I heard yesterday from Dr. Christiane Northrup who was doing a video, that men are 4% more likely to commit suicide, and 50% of men do not have a single close friend to talk to (from the Mask of Masculinity by Louis Howes).

It was quite shocking to me, that number.  I began to think about how much easier it seems for many women to create community around themselves, with that gatherer mentality. So I’m wanting to encourage men to reach out if they’re feeling isolated.
I have the honor of men writing to me, in my line of work, who are sincerely expressing their feelings and transparently tell me of their struggles. I feel especially humbled that they courageously risk and reach out, in a culture that does not encourage emotional transparency in males.
I opened my work to men recently, because although women’s empowerment has been my focus, I now realize that my original purpose of healing the feminine does not preclude men, but includes the feminine in all of us.
This morning, I’m thinking about how all of us, men and women, can stretch a little further into reaching out with caring and sensitivity to others during the holidays.
After all, we are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Would love to hear from you in the comments.  What are some ways that you reach out or don’t reach out, and

~ Goddess Oceana

www.GoddessOceana.com

https://www.facebook.com/GoddessOceana/

Tips for Holiday Survival

December 13, 2017

sad-animals-1

Tis the season for making merry, decorating, standing in lines, ordering online gifts, seeing concerts and attending parties, and dreading the sadness, loneliness, and family madness.  So much emotional stuff is mixed up into our celebrations in life.

The question here is not how do we survive it, but how do we thrive and feel more alive in it?

You might think it’s cute that I suggest you can go beyond the monumental feat of surviving a family dinner during the holidays.  I’m suggesting it because we can only “achieve that which you can conceive and believe”, compliments of Napoleon Hill.  And that old cliche, if you shoot for the stars you might reach the moon.

So, let’s say you’re only up for surviving the holidays and all of the sadness that comes with them because you miss the loved ones who’ve passed, or you’re dreading being alone and isolated, without any family.  Maybe you’ve had your hopes and expectations devastated a few times too many and just want to hide from the holidays altogether.  I understand and empathize.  It can be pretty miserable when you’re feeling low and seemingly everyone around you is lighting candles and singing carols.

While I can’t get you from miserable to ecstatic in a blog post, I can give you a few tips that might make it all bearable.  From there you’ll have to be willing to imagine and believe in something better, an idea about the holidays that is different from the one you’ve been holding.

Tips for Going Beyond Holiday Survival:

  1.  Get out of yourself and see who needs something.  This is a simple one, but it’s tried and true.  It was my mother’s mantra whenever she would encounter me feeling sorry for myself.  Go and help someone, she’d say, and you’ll feel better.
  2. Let yourself have a pity party on a timer.  This one can sound strange if you’ve never heard anything like it before.  The truth is that when we try *not* to feel our feelings, they feel worse and keep us stuck in magnified versions.  So decide you’re going to give yourself a certain reasonable amount of time to feel those rough feelings on purpose and let them out.  Do it on purpose.  The caveat here is that you’ll want to make sure you’re in a private space, that you don’t lay your feelings on anyone else, and that you keep yourself safe.  When that timer goes off, have a plan for something you’re going to do that’s productive and get moving.  The pressure cooker of emotional release will renew your energy, and it’s good to have a place to focus it that’s a positive, uplifting one.
  3. Reach out to friends, or put yourself out there and make a friend.  It’s hard to reach out when you feel depressed or upset, but it’s healthier than isolating for days on end.  Create or get a little gift for your friend, or do something nice for them.  Even if it’s only to have a cup of tea together, it’s important to get yourself around some people.
  4. Practice non-reactivity.  See how long you can go without being in reactivity to the things that usually trigger you.  One of the ways you can achieve this is to begin a mindfulness practice.  No time like the present to start a new habit, right?!  You can look up some simple ways to practice mindfulness online, and you can also start right now by following your breath.  Focus on the breath as you breathe in, and then focus on the breath as you breathe out.  This is the most powerful way to get yourself back to your center, and to stop reacting.  It quiets the stories in the mind, which are where all of our reactions start and then escalate if we let them.
  5. Do one act of self care a day, minimum.  I used to balk at this advice to practice self care, because it just seemed too simple and I didn’t believe it could touch the kind of extreme emotional pain I felt at times.  When I finally stopped arguing with the idea and just put it into action, I was blown away by how powerful it is.  Doing things to care for yourself are so healing.  It’s really a way of feeling love towards yourself, and boosting your self esteem and energy.  Just do it.

These tips work whether it’s a holiday or not, but I think so much of the advice I see out there for holiday stress centers around how to shorten your to do list or shop smarter, etc.  The things that make the biggest difference, I have found, are the ones that shift our internal awareness and take the energy out of our mental preoccupation and into our heart and soul.

I wish you the very best life of your most treasured imaginings.

Happy Holidays,

Goddess Oceana

 

Stuck in a Rut of Depression

December 8, 2017

rut

Someone recently said to me that she wanted to “transcend the mundane” and felt she was stuck in a rut of old, unhealthy patterns and dysfunction.  I thought about times when I was stuck and how it used to play out for me, and how it plays out now that I have almost forty years of deep personal work under my belt.

There’s a very clear difference.  Thirty-eight years ago, I knew I was at cause, but didn’t have the tools or skills necessary to understand the nuances of how to pull myself out, other than affirmations and an image board, journaling, and self-blame.  Way back then, I wasn’t as clear about how to distinguish being at cause about my entire reality versus being to blame for my entire reality.

So blaming myself when I couldn’t figure out how to make things better was my recourse, and it would spiral into the most excruciating depression, hopelessness, and longing to just make the pain stop…even fantasizing about and then attempting suicide.

Somehow my will to keep learning and persevering on the path of various transformational modalities began to pay off, and I got better at finding strategies to get myself aligned again.  The greatest learning about depression for me was to own my anger, my rage, my upset, and master how to express my boundaries in a safe and grounded way.  Once I began to express my anger by making requests of others that honored my newly discovered boundaries, I stopped turning my anger towards myself.

This took time, practice, and mistakes.  I failed a lot, and then learned from the failures.  I made a little progress each time.  Life began to improve, and as I stopped making other people’s wants far more important than my needs, I became a happier person. That’s one small  example of how I overcame a debilitating rut.

The various skills I’ve learned over the years I’ve tested repeatedly, and I continue to acquire more.  Mostly, I’ve come to realize that I love to learn, and so I honor that by diving into learning whatever it is I find fascinating.  It just so happens that all of it is in the realm of spirituality, transformation, psychology, relationship, sexuality, and esoteric studies.

The ruts I see my clients stuck in most often are the ruts of people-pleasing, not keeping their word (a basic tenet for becoming more powerful is to keep your word), a habit of putting other people first and getting lost in overwhelm, and or finding an old pattern of behavior they’re stuck in and not getting the energy healing necessary to break free from it.  These are all ways in which we sabotage ourselves, especially as women.

The good news is that self-love is the super vitamin that can make all healing possible, and it improves our lives dramatically.  And so I start there, with daily practices that infuse self-love and self-worth that begin to lift a person immediately from whatever rut they’re in.  Then we get into some nitty gritty pattern shifts and healing work.

Whatever rut you’re in, begin with self-love.  You can start by telling yourself that you love you very much, each and every day.  It can be that simple.  Let that love into your heart and feel it wrap around you like a soft, warm blanket.  Do it often and out loud.

Here’s to Loving You,

Goddess Oceana

Message me to schedule a fifteen minute call to find out how to work with me to live a happier, more fulfilling life.  I help women connect deeply to their inner spiritual guidance and become the sensual, powerful goddess they were meant to be while co-creating their deepest desires with the universe.

Email me:  Oceana@GoddessOceana.com

 

 


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