Sparkling Up Your To Do List

January 6, 2015

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Impossibly long lists of stuff I should do every day are bringing me down. It’s like resolutions that you’re all gung ho about, and then a few weeks or months in, you realize you failed, and then you feel worse than before you made the resolution. It gets to the point where you’re dreading your days, because you totally forgot the fun in your attempt to do better, be better, get better.

I have a new tactic this year, and it’s different than anything I’ve ever attempted. The first part is probably the most challenging for many people. It’s the decision that I’m already absolutely good, fine, right, and wonderful exactly as I am. There’s nothing to fix. The world won’t stop if shit doesn’t get done. The idea that some stuff can be delegated takes a while to land when you’re running so hard you don’t have time to stop and plan.

It’s times like these, when I accidentally slip into an old habit pattern, that I suddenly realize I have amazing tools at my disposal. After all, I teach other women how to hoist up their lace thongs and operate from another paradigm altogether. I start practicing what I preach, and everything gets rosy, luscious, synchronous, and easy again.

This morning I came up with another genius idea again, and that’s why I’m furiously typing it out in an article. I want to share it with you while it’s fresh. Yesterday I sorted through a zillion piles of paper in my office, and was having a facedown with endless lists of to do’s. It occurred to me that almost every one still had items on it that hadn’t been crossed off. How amazing would it feel to have a list that was so juicy, so fabulously fun, so extraordinary to look forward to that every item was checked off and the paper thrown to the side in the frenzy of joy?

And so, today I share with you the new way. Today I am writing a list of only the things I deeply desire to do. If it has even the slightest scent of “yuck, I don’t wanna” then it’s not going on my list. My list begins with a pedicure…a luxurious, relaxing, soothing, and sparkly pedicure. It’s followed by writing an article about something so sexy that it turns me on. Item three is a mystery item that will most likely be a result of how excited I am about the sexy article, and so on.

How will the dishes, the bills, the meals get done, you might ask? I have no doubt that those things will ensue, but you’d better believe they’ll happen in the most scintillating way. I’ll have just a few items on the list that I would ordinarily not consider desires, but I plan to make them so much fun that they’ll spur desire in spades. We’re talking dance music, playful escapades, the sweet smell of aromatic tea, speakerphone conversations with my wild girlfriends, random acts of pleasureful miracles…and anything else my creative mind can dream up.

The New Year’s Resolution is now The New Year’s Pleasure Parade. Fun, sexy, joyous, and guaranteed to make life intriguing, sensual, pleasurable, and something to jump out of bed in the morning excited about.

What’s on your list, cupcake? If you’d like some ideas about how to make the less than desirable to do’s palatable and enjoyable, email me for a session. We’ll do a Goddess card reading and give you a sexy strategy for fueling your life with joy and pleasure. I’ll fire up my wand and transmute the stuck places in your energy field. We’ll infuse your dusty places with a dose of tantric goddess love and wisdom. We’ll put the sparkle back into your eyes, and light up your life in ways you haven’t even imagined.

Bliss, Joy, and Love~

Goddess Oceana

http://www.goddessoceana.com

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Oceana@GoddessOceana.com

How Do You Handle A Bully?

December 31, 2014

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I wonder about the history of bullying. I imagine that in prehistoric days, being a bully was the way to be the boss in the cave. Totally up for info on that, but it seems possible.
Then came the days of the quick fix, when we had communities and villages, and the bully was finally pummeled by someone, thereby putting an end to the bullying, at least from that person.
Then came conscious communication, and the turnaround transition where the bullies were loved by those who could see the suffering underneath, and recognize their own internal bully, and quite possibly heal the dynamic of bullying altogether.
My dear friend, Judy Giovangelo has devoted her life to healing bullies, inside and out with her magnificent organization Ben Speaks, and so she keeps me awake and aware about this bullying topic.

There is, however, another fascinating slant on bullying that is more esoteric and takes an enormous dose of patience, and that I’ve practiced my whole life. It’s totally an inside job, while watching karmic patterns play out.

I’ve experienced and witnessed treatment from some people that shocked me and felt awful, but with prayer, meditation, and learning to love myself more, I’ve been silent, like an owl. Watching over years sometimes, just seeing the internal suffering of the bully, sending love, and also doing what I needed to do to take care of myself, I haven’t been one to take an activist stance and fight back, unless my family or myself were in danger. I’ve chosen, out of simply feeling what my intuitive knowing was telling me, to be the owl high in the tree, watching the unravelling of events in the bully’s life, and at times sincerely felt sad for them when the universe dished back the same energy multiplied.  Personally, I think this higher view allows for those intricate dynamics that we don’t know about to play out more perfectly in alignment with everyone’s highest good.  I’m less inclined to want to interfere with the genius of the universe.

More recently, I’m becoming acutely aware of this as the vibration in the universe picks up speed, and the wait is much, much shorter. I see it for myself as well as others. The benefit of being awake in this world is that when we screw up, we know how it works, and we can make amends as well as do other spiritual practices to smooth out the repercussions and heal the wrong before we get the slapback and it’s much softer. It’s softer because we have owned our actions and taken action. It’s softer because we were accountable to the energy dynamic that connects all of us as one.

There are still many of us who haven’t quite caught up, though. We can see it in the headlines. If you were to read the headlines as if they were the message from your Higher Self about how you’re doing today, how would your life be different? I think that those of us who know our internal landscape and are clear about our oneness on this beautiful earth are able to see the places inside of ourselves where we are still at war, and do the healing work necessary.

If each and every one of us were taking exquisite care of ourselves internally, perhaps the headlines would reflect that ramp up of love in the world. Before you begin to argue this point with a litany of reasons why it’s unreasonable and with proof that it’s a false idea, consider the possibility of love as a healing agent more powerful than any energy in this universe.

We’ve come a long way from the cave, baby, and it’s time to wake up. Gently, softly, I am whispering an “I love you” wakeup call.

3 Conversation Topics To Deepen Intimacy

December 18, 2014

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3 Conversation Topics To Deepen Intimacy

August 20, 2014

Do Shame Differently

June 19, 2014

I love to recycle the shameful and humiliating experiences in my life in ways that celebrate the fullness of the ways they enrich my expansion.  For instance, recently I held an event where no one showed up.  I spent two hours preparing the space and the materials, countless hours marketing and working on the site, social media, and emailing, etc.

What’s a goddess to do when this happens?  I chose to bask in the gorgeous space I created, eat the chocolates I brought, dance to the fabulous playlist I created, and make a sensual dance video while looking out at the lake.

 

Fully prepared tantric yoga circle for doing shame differently.

Fully prepared tantric yoga circle for doing shame differently.

This shifts the focus from victimization to sourcing and from resistance to flow.  It’s also called “riding the horse in the direction it’s going”, according to Werner Erhard, founder of est.

Engaging the flow, allowing the emotions to move through and surrendering to them, we find ourselves unleashed, less somatically blocked, and more fully alive.  It’s a good thing.  Tears can come and they’re well received.  We are gentle with ourselves and can find the ecstasy in the mundane.

Very soon I am creating an event where I will celebrate the people who have dumped me for their perfect self-exorcism, and release the crappy energy they left behind, bury the loss and humiliation in a funeral pyre, and make the very most out of my black wardrobe.  It will be a funeral for shame.  Cuz that’s the way I roll. ;-)

~Goddess Oceana

www.GoddessOceana.com

Banish Overwhelm From Your Queendom

June 7, 2014
 
 
I was speaking with a very dear friend this morning about our strategies for simplifying our lives, being more present, and banishing overwhelm.  It was a great convo where we each had our own practices to share, and so we ended up with a synergy of amazing tools.  Naturally, I thought it would be great to share them with you.  Love it, right?!
 
So here’s the deal.  Living a life of presence as an embodied goddess doesn’t mean you’re not expanding, growing, and learning.  It means that you come from a place of grounded empowerment, and that when you waver, you have the skills handy to bring yourself back into presence again.  We’re also naturally designed  to have divergent awareness.  We’re most often multi~tasking and feeling all of our surroundings calling for our goddessly attention.  We have the deliciously expansive view.  This is a beautiful thing about us.  
 
The problem occurs when we are pulled into too much conflicting divergence with old, worn~out patterns of trying to be nice and saying yes to every request.  We don’t think to ask for support and some of us haven’t learned how to say no.  We may not know how to do a certain thing and we’re too afraid of rejection to ask anyone.  Maybe we don’t know how to articulate something in a way that allows us to delegate.   Overwhelm happens when our natural proclivity as goddesses goes from choice to pleasing mode.  Our people~pleasing servant self takes control, and the goddessly aligned self reclines on her chaise lounge and sleeps.
 
That was the explanation, but now for the nitty~gritty, “how to reign it in” skills…
 
1.  When you notice you’re feeling overwhelmed, stop.  Just STOP what you’re doing for a minute.  Close your eyes and breathe in through your nose slowly, exhaling deeply, a few times.  This calms your nervous system and gives the madness a commercial break.
 
2.  Choose the ONE task at hand that you are doing.  Slow it down and see it through to completion.   Command the others to take a back seat until you finish.
 
3.  Reframe your self~blame.  Whatever your mind is freaking out about, it can wait.  Create a new story.  If you’re running late, decide you have perfect timing and that you can only get there when you get there. (Besides, the party doesn’t ever really start until you arrive.)  If the problem is that you’ve crammed 20 tasks into a day and can’t get them all done, choose three and call it a day well done.  Determine to give yourself larger time frames from now on.
 
4.  DELEGATE.  If you can delegate even a part of your task, call someone and request a specific action that will take the load off of you.  If you’re not sure how, start with one simple task that is easy to do and easy to articulate.  Then you can begin to build on that muscle next time. You’re not superwoman, you are a goddess.  Goddesses don’t do it all themselves. They are like queens, delegating, leading the kingdom.  You rule the temple, darling goddess!
 
5.  Start a spiritual practice a few minutes a day.  Make a promise to yourself.  Tiny, little disciplines really do build on themselves, and every drop matters. Don’t wait until you have one hour a day, or the perfect expanse of time.  Just.  Do. Something.  Mindful breathing, a beautiful prayer, one yoga pose, light a candle…you get the idea.  Anything done with applied, positive intention is a goddessly act of spiritual devotion.  Connecting with your spiritual center is the first breakthrough to alignment.
 
Over time, these habits will become second nature and overwhelm will occur less and less.  I know you can do it!
 
Would love to hear how these land for you, what works, and if you have any reports from the field.
 
~Goddess Oceana
 

Two Tips To Own Your Inner Goddess

March 17, 2014

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People approach me often and remark on my appearance, my hair, and overall something they can’t put their finger on.  Having devoted much time over my life on learning inner and outer beauty and spiritual practices, I understand what they’re commenting on.  It’s not just a physical beauty that comes and goes and is dependent on good hair days, makeup, and accessorizing, that has attracted them.

After all, I’m an older woman, I have some extra weight, and I’m not always dressed up.

The attracting factor is a receptivity, an internal move, and an energetic vibration.  These things can be felt across a room.  Often I don’t notice I’m doing it, because it has become such a part of who I am.

Today I’m going to teach you two tips that will begin to plant your attention into the center of where this originates, and simultaneously raise your vibration so that the glow inside starts to spread out and affect others.

Are you ready?!

The first move is to breathe in through your nose and bring your attention to your heart, and then to your belly.  These two places are both spiritual and sensual, and merely by placing your attention here, you become both connected to your divine center of spiritual connection, and your divinely erotic embodied center of feminine power.

The next move is to hold the intention that you are a divine being having an embodied experience, and coming from your heart and your belly, to choose to bless the world with each step while knowing that your words are prayers.

These tips are simple, yet profoundly powerful.   Try them out and let me know how it goes!

My mission is to empower women to step into and own their sacred sensual inner goddess, and to enjoy a more fulfilled life living their passionate purpose.  If you’re interested in knowing what steps to take to experience this in your life, email me for a free Clarity, Strategy, Action session now at Oceana@GoddessOceana.com.

 

Blissings & Blessings,

Goddess Oceana

 

http://www.GoddessOceana.com

 

I Could Believe I’m Mean and Hurtful

February 26, 2014

I have been told that I am a terrible communicator, that I speak in hurtful ways,  and that I am very blaming.  Every single day I have to be extremely careful in how I come across, and the minute I just relax into being casual, I find that I seem harsh to certain people. 

Some days it feels too hard to have to be so utterly vigilant, to have to work so incredibly hard around sensitive souls.  Since I am one, it’s true that it’s also incredibly hard to be me at times. 

 There are days when I truly don’t know what is true and what is not, whether it’s me or it’s the circumstances around me.  When someone says, it’s ALL you, Oceana…it’s all a reflection of you…I take that quite seriously, literally, and to heart.  And then the learned pattern of self~blaming begins internally. 

 My mind begins thinking I must be such a horrible person to be creating such a world so filled with reflections of suffering, blame, and scarcity. My feelings follow, and because I am so deeply sensitive, my emotions are intense, often causing me fierce suffering.

 Why am I telling you all of this? I have a hunch that I am not alone in this.  It’s a pattern of thinking that causes me great suffering, until I apply the powerful remedy of holding myself with compassion and love.  I begin to see that this thought pattern is actually a byproduct of misinterpreted metaphysical teachings.  I began studying them at a young age, and so I suspect my mindset then took everything literally.  Combine that with a dysfunctional upbringing, and the neural programming is a severe message.

 The most powerful lesson I have learned (the hard way) this past year is that yes, it can be our perceptions (all our perceived creation), but that it’s crucial to discern what type of mirror is being reflected.  Some mirrors are just love.  Others are love disguised as suffering until we learn to set a boundary.  And still others are there to prompt us into action, service, or movement towards our next phase.

 There are so many ways to heal this, and to reset the neural thought patterns.  My path is always about self~discovery and learning new ways to heal myself and then to support deep healing in others.  A few of the tools I have found the most powerful are meditation, tantric yoga (sound, breath, movement), EFT, Spiritual Response Therapy, journaling, conscious dreaming, shamanic healing…

 I’d be interested to hear the ways in which you take in the well~meaning messages from spiritual teachings, and how they translate in your own life. 

Have you suffered from misinterpretations, or from paths that just did not fit your internal guidance? 

In what ways do you still find yourself  stuck in thinking patterns that are old, and feel frustrated that those thoughts keep dragging you back into old ways of being?

 

~Goddess Oceana

http://www.goddessoceana.com

 

 

 

Are You Riding The Spin Cycle Or Are You In The Dryer?

February 7, 2014

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Did you lose your mojo along the way, girlfriend?  I know I have before, and it’s hard to know when it’s going to hit.  That’s why I’d like to give you some tips, some delicious and fun ways that you can reach down deep in an instant, and hook up to your mojo again.

 
You know the feeling when you’ve suddenly realized you haven’t been turned on by anything in a while, you’re living in your head with to-do lists, stressing out over all that needs to get done and no time to do it?  There’s a part of our cycle I like to call the Dry Cycle.  We got wet and had a fabulously bubbly time in the hot agitation of Turn On a while back, and then danced so hard we were spinning with delight in the Spin Cycle.  And you know what comes after that!  Yes, we find ourselves in the heat of it, getting dried out inside of catching up with all those things we let go while we were joyfully wet, and the timer is on.
 
What’s a gal to do?  The mind likes to step in with Ms. Perfection and beat us up with all the things we let slide while we were happily merging with the sudsy juicy fun.  Now it’s time for payback, right?  Well, sisters, I say no way.  It’s time to celebrate the cycles of womanhood.  It’s all good and it’s natural.  The minute we begin to let the fierce critic have the reigns, it’s all over for our magic.  The way to keep our magical goddess energy alive and well is to honor the cycles.
 
HONOR THE CYCLES, baby!
Say you’re in the dryer, and then you’re crazy busy folding, organizing, and lining stuff up back into the drawers…is this wrong?  Heck no.  It’s perfect.  You are perfect.  In all of the divine and glorious ways that you show up in the world, you are absolutely divinely perfect.  Order is necessary.  It only becomes a problem when we fight our cycles and make each one wrong, which is an easy trap to fall into when the whole world is feeding us messages about how we need to fix ourselves.
 
Try this on for a week and let me know how it goes for you.  Decide that what you’re up to is perfect.  Enjoy it, and find yourself absolutely fabulous while you’re in it.  Laying on the couch feeling sorry for yourself?  A necessary evil, so indulge fully while you’re there, and congratulate yourself for knowing when you need a full out break.  Running a thousand errands all at once with no vacation in sight?  PERFECT.  Wear your favorite perfume while you do it, and know that you’re in the Dryer Cycle making a great foundation for your next sudsy washer adventure.  You get the gist.  Make yourself right, find it perfect, and see how the energy lifts and life gets fun again.
 
Now, tell me what cycle you’re in right now, in the comments below, and tell me why it’s absolutely perfect and what a genius you are!
 
~Goddess Oceana
http://www.goddessoceana.com
http://twitter.com/GoddessOceana

On Welcoming A Wisewoman

January 23, 2014

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A new humility has surfaced in me the last couple of years, a sort of surrender to the wise woman birthing herself in my being as I round the corner of menopause.  Pregnancy with this energy seemed to have lasted a slowly percolating decade, but when labor ensued, it was a force I had no previous awareness of, raw and fierce and gentle all at the same time.

 

Before where I had a sense of self, knowing exactly who I was and where I was going, this wise woman crone brought down some sort of unearthly axe and suddenly I was forgetful, weak when I wanted to be strong, stupid when I needed to be sharp, exhausted when I had to be on my game, bored when I would rather have been curious and enthusiastic.  This old dame was turning me upside down and inside out.

 

Nothing like a huge and uncomfortable change ever seems to happen at a good time, does it?!  And so, surrender was not only necessary, but inescapable.  The crone energy is Kali Ma Herself, Hindu goddess of sharp, grand, and furious awakening.  When I finally decided to surrender, it seemed that it would require a willingness to speak up, a need to educate the less initiated, and a bold-assed declaration of my boundaries that pissed people off.

 

I’m still in the throes of this, but can report that a sense of humor is crucial.  When I find myself in certain situations, it can be utterly unnerving if I don’t have the capacity to laugh at myself with others.  The other day I told my 13 year old to please get his bacon on and get out to the car so we wouldn’t be late.  Words I have spoken my whole life suddenly interchange, and I don’t even hear myself as they slide effortlessly out of my mouth.  He just stood there laughing hysterically, with me feeling a bit offended.  “What are you laughing at?” I inquired.  He told me what I had just said, and I was baffled.  Truly, I thought I told him to get his coat on.

 

My sweet husband will attest that he can tell me something, only to find me asking the same question an hour or a day later,  as if the conversation never happened.  At first, he thought I was messing with him.  I explain that this is what birthing a crone looks like, and he’ll have to try to remember that I require a bit more gentleness, a bit more tolerance, and a whole lot of patience until she emerges and this passage is complete.  I am welcoming a wise woman, and she is in the becoming.

 

Who is in your life that is at the crossroads of this powerful transformation?  In what ways can you support her, learn from her, honor her in holding a space for soft landing while she is birthing possibly the most compelling and courageous transformation she has ever met?  If you are in this stage, how do you hold yourself gently, and what are you celebrating about it?

 

I would love to hear your experience, your questions, your deep inquiries and gifts…feel free to share below.

 

~Goddess Oceana

http:/www.goddessoceana.com

 

 

 


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