Does Menopause Mean Permanent Sex-o-Pause?

I’m interested in sex after menopause. What happens to women? More and more I am hearing women tell me that they have no desire, they could care less, and they’re really not sure how to gain their libido back, or even if it’s possible.

 This has been central to several group conversations lately, to which I’ve been privy. As someone who empowers women to live into their desires, I was perplexed. I have heard women tell me that they have never really had any desire to have sex, and I’ve heard women tell me that they simply cannot get enough sex. I’ve heard all of the ‘in between these poles’ experiences also. I’m starting to wonder if this idea of menopause lessening libido is a myth, if it’s a socially imposed norm, if it’s strictly hormonal, or if the real data has never been revealed.

 Just last year I met a woman who was in her 70’s. She had the skin of a 35 year old, was glowing, gorgeous, and oh yes, had the figure of a 35 year old also. She practiced orgasming daily for an hour at a time, and had done this for years. There were no complaints whatsoever about being dry or having low libido. She was beautiful inside and out, and had practiced living into her pleasure for most of her life.

 Five years earlier, I had the sincere honor of being part of a group of women listening to a woman in her 80’s tell us about her hot, hot, hot sex life. Hottt with a triple ‘t’. She went on to tell us that she had a new boyfriend 25 years her junior, and that they couldn’t get enough of each other. She also told us that her experience was that if you don’t use it, you lose it. Consistency is key, she said…don’t let the well dry up, but rather continue to stay juicy by continuing to stay juicy. It made perfect sense. I had learned in yoga school that if you stop moving your joints, the fluid between them diminishes, leaving you with stiff joints. So keep on moving, our teacher told us.

This leads me to believe that our bodies are designed this way in all areas. If we drink enough fluids, and move enough, we will stay fluid and flexible. If we dehydrate ourselves out of neglect and become sedentary, our joints will begin to seize and we’ll be…well, just dried out. Doesn’t it make sense then, that if we stop using our sexual organs, the same logic holds true?

And not only this, but our minds are connected to our sex organs in that we must be relaxed and in our pleasure for our libido to rise. Biologically, women work from the outside in when it comes to sex. Rub our feet, rub our back, bring us roses, kiss our hands…these are the things that relax us, romance us, and get us hot. Truly, if we are a stress mess, trying to be everything to everyone at all times, we are not feeling sexy, by golly. We’re cranky, irritable, and exhausted. But when we take time for ourselves, live into our enjoyment of life and our pleasure regularly, and make time for our sexuality, then it all seems to click into place.

Over the years I’ve consulted with thousands of women about their sex lives. There is so much more to the study of aging with sex than we read about, and even less that our doctors can tell us. In fact, the poor doctors aren’t even taught how to have a conversation with us about our sex lives. I know this to be true because I’ve been hired to speak to medical students, answer their questions about sex, and explain to them how to educate and help their patients. With a society that is so repressed about sex, we are sorely under informed, and suffering for it.

It’s time for women to share with other women and become empowered in their sexuality. Drink your water and learn to self pleasure. Make time for yourself daily and continue to move your body in ways that feel good…take up bellydancing or yoga, walk or swim. Use lubricants and indulge yourself with romance. Give to yourself first and raise the bar for how much pleasure you can take. I promise you’ll get juicier and stay juicier.



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4 Responses to “Does Menopause Mean Permanent Sex-o-Pause?”

  1. Urban Panther Says:

    I think there is a lot to be said for ‘use it or lose it’. And I’ve often wondered if menopause was used as an excuse for giving up sex (something I can’t imagine, by the way!). But, from what I’ve read, there can be a hormonal reason as well. When our hormones get out of whack, one of the symptoms is lack of libido. However, we don’t have to live that way. There are many ways to get our hormones back in balance, and you have certainly touched on them with exercise, diet, and generally taking care of oneself. And of course, there are progesterone creams, and ultimately hormone therapy if that is an option based on a person’s risk factors.

    Boy, if I’m still having triple xxx hot sex in my 80s, my Mr. Very Right is going to be one very happy old man *grin*


  2. charlottesal Says:

    I think that some of it depends on how the woman was before menopause. I have friends that have low drive to start with so menopause doesn’t really make a difference.

    I also think that hormone balance has a lot to do with it, perhaps the mind is there but the body is not willing when a woman doesn’t have balance. Getting my hormones balanced out helped with the physical part, as for the mind, the thoughts never left 😉


  3. Oceana Says:

    As I go deeper into menopause, I have to admit that hormones are powerful. Hormonal balancing seems to be easier with the right nutrition, exercise, and stress management…but it is unique to the individual as well.
    How did you find that hormonal balance, if you don’t mind the question? Sharing information seems to be the best way women can help each other…


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