What Women Desire In A Man

Lately people have been asking me to give men an idea of how to relate to women.  In their words, they want to learn how to treat a Goddess.  I’ve put some thought into it for quite a while, and have come up with some basic pointers that I think every woman out there would appreciate, and that would also make a huge difference for men who are really trying to figure women out.

  1. Your Unique Gift. Knowing what your own gift is, what you bring to the world is a complete turn on for an intelligent woman.  If you are clear about what your strengths are, and have a desire to bring this gift to the world for the upliftment and betterment of the world as a whole, you are scoring some big points in the attractiveness sector.  For a woman to respect and admire the man she is with, there has to be something that he contributes to the world that is larger than the relationship.
  2. Acknowledgment. They want to be acknowledged deeply.  Learning to see a woman’s innate unique gift, and how to acknowledge her for it will be like a breath of fresh air for any woman who’s been waiting her whole life for a man with this ability.  A woman blossoms before your eyes when you shower her with genuine and authentic appreciation.  
  3. Trust. Most women are taught to be careful and safe around men…and for good reason!  There are too many predators out there taking advantage of unwitting women, and so knowing how to build trust with a woman is KEY.  Keep your word,  treat her with great respect, behave like a gentleman with good manners, and show her that you are caring for her in small ways.  Look out for her safety.  Also, if you’re going to be late, have the good sense to call ahead and let her know.  Imagine how you would want your daughter, if you had one,  to be treated by a man, and aspire to treat the woman you’re with with that same care.
  4. Connection. Women want a strong man who is self assured and has high confidence and self worth…who knows how to connect with her on an emotional and intuitive level.  This takes some practice for some men in active listening, repeating some of the things she says when she is expressing her emotions, and looking into her eyes.  It requires a type of listening where you are not thinking of what you are going to say next, but rather memorizing what she is saying so that you could repeat it back word for word…it’s hard work.  Trust me that if you can repeat back some of the important points of what she is saying, not only will she feel deeply heard, but you will find that you’re hearing things that you would never have heard about her.  You’ll be hearing things that will tell you how she wants to be treated, and this goes a long way in learning the road map to her devotion to you.
  5. Sense of Humor. A sincere appreciation of the joy and humor in life, and the ability to laugh at yourself without behaving like a child is key to finding a great partner and especially key to a lasting and joy filled relationship.  The kind of humor you display is crucial, as gross or sarcastic humor is highly undesirable.  These reveal immaturity and an unkind spirit, both of which don’t build respect or admiration.  Endearing humor is so healing, and a man who can lighten a situation by bringing the levity of gentle wit or happy humor is a gift.  Studies show that couples who laugh together stay together.
  6. Sensuality. Notice I didn’t say sexuality.  This is perhaps the most important thing to be aware of with a woman.  If a man jumps to crude sexual overtures too fast, he will receive either a strong slap or the woman will simply disappear, leaving you to wonder why she doesn’t respond to your texts.   Women operate in a completely opposite way from men when it comes to sexuality, and so the way to romance yourself into her embrace is to start from a distance with subtlety and plenty of time, very gently working your way towards her as she relaxes more and more into the security and safety of your authentic caring.  Understand that her whole body and soul are sensual zones.  A woman is a walking nerve ending whose purpose is pleasure, and if you simply focus on grabbing the most centrally arousing points first,  you will send her into sensory overload, otherwise displayed as repulsion, fear, discomfort, and withdrawal.  A sexual encounter in a committed relationship begins 48 hours in advance, with flowers and romance!  Imagine how much longer it takes in a new dating situation.  Just the way a man holds a woman’s hand can be foreplay, and this cannot be overstated.  Take your time and relish the experiences that lead to the culmination of love and trust built over time.  I realize that this is a new way of approaching sex in this day and age, but would you rather have a microwaved take out dinner or a skillfully crafted, five course gourmet meal?  Quality over quantity ensures longevity, and you can quote me.  Be the king she has been waiting for…the one who recognizes and compliments her inner queen.

Of course, there is so much more to explain and various ways to practice these skills.  Most importantly is not to approach all of this with a feeling of having failed thus far.  When women are empowered and taught how to express what they want, men don’t have to guess and they can come out winning.  The point is that for far too long, women have been told from a very young age not to engage with their sensual natures, and so they often don’t even know how to express what will feel good.  It is no one’s fault, and we can start from where we are right now.

If we can all be patient with each other and begin to learn new ways of engaging, open ourselves up to greater levels of compassion and hope, and approach relationships with authentic respect, the whole world will heal.  I believe that what women desire in a man is well within reach for most men, and that once the trust and respect are in place, relationships have a bright future.

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8 Responses to “What Women Desire In A Man”

  1. Margaret Shrum Says:

    This is a great article and I love how you broke it down into the 7 areas. I think you are spot on and that it is so important for women to communicate their desires to the men in their lives. Thanks for sharing!

    Like

  2. Jason Says:

    I notice in your blogs relating to Sex and also topics such as these, the whole ideas based upon a Woman’s fulfillment of her own desires, and so on and so forth…

    I am just wondering though, what is in it for the man? What benefits and rights do the men get as a byproduct of the Women’s Empowerment??

    Like

    • Oceana Says:

      Hi Jason,
      I totally understand your wonder about what is in it for men. If you’re a man who is heterosexual and in a relationship, you would find that when your partner is truly living in her pleasure, she radiates love, beauty, gratitude, and joy. It becomes a pleasure to be around her. She no longer lives in a tight, resentful place and doesn’t spend her time criticizing or finding fault with you.
      Women’s empowerment around their pleasure is a win/win situation…
      Thanks for asking~
      Oceana

      Like

  3. Deborah Miles Says:

    Oceana,

    I loved reading this and totally agree with everything you said and as soon as my husband returns from Sweden tonight, HE is going to be reading it also. I’ve told my husband that you can’t wait until 30 minutes before bed time to think about making love, especially after 50 you need all those special moments to start a head of time.
    Thank you.

    Many Blessings,
    Deborah

    Like

    • Oceana Says:

      Hi Deborah~
      So happy you enjoyed reading! I recommend acknowledging him for what he IS doing that’s good and right…and sweetly suggesting what else you might like sandwiched in between the love. It makes it much easier to want to fulfill someone’s desires if you’re in a feel good place…which he will be if you come from a place of appreciation.
      Hope he enjoys the article as much as you did…
      Oceana

      Like

  4. Tony Bogardus Says:

    Hi, Oceana!

    Thoroughly enjoyed this, and have saved it to share with other friends, both male and female. I like to think that I was aware of many of your points, but it’s all-too-easy to lose sight of some of them, and to have it all stated so succinctly is invaluable.

    Tony

    Like

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