Enjoyment is Sexy

One of the most powerful ways to bask in sensuality is to be completely engrossed in a moment of sheer pleasureful enjoyment.  In fact, I would venture to say that it’s impossible to have pleasure if you are focused on the past or the future.  Pleasure is an in the moment, completely mindful and present state of being.

Oh, we can have thoughts of pleasure by remembering them or imagining a future pleasureful moment, but they are thoughts of pleasure and not actual pleasure unless our thoughts are engaged in simulating the feeling of the event as in actual real time.

I made this up.  If you think it’s not true, I’m happy to hear your point of view, but as far as my own personal research on pleasure, this seems to be true to me.

Ever tried to do something that you find repulsive just to please someone else?  Some would never do this, but there are those who would because they want to either be perceived a certain way, or are afraid of rejection, or are desperate for love.  I’m not referring to the times when you try something new and find out you don’t like it.

This in mind, and to the point at hand, I’d like the women who are seeking an upgrade in their sex lives to pay attention.  The single most powerful thing you can do to feel more pleasure is to engage in exactly what feels good to all of your physical senses.  That means stop trying so hard to please your partner unless it feels absolutely amazing to do so.  Stop pretending to like performing certain acts if they do not feel good to you.  Take some time out in your life to focus on what you enjoy and give yourself more of it.

In my years as a sex educator, I encountered woman after woman who would confess to me privately how much she hated this or that act, but would participate in it because it was what her partner wanted.  After some questioning, it was revealed that she hadn’t ever told him, nor had she the slightest idea what she did enjoy, or ever tell him what she would prefer or what she liked.

My advice here is clear and simple.  Explore what feels good and then tell him what you want.  Suggest what you prefer if there’s something you don’t enjoy doing.  Your pleasure will turn on your partner far more than anything you do out of obligation  because you’re afraid to speak up.  There’s plenty of time in life to try lots of things you’re unsure of, after you are deeply in touch with your own pleasure and what evokes it, but the first step is in truly pleasing yourself.

Goddess Oceana


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6 Responses to “Enjoyment is Sexy”

  1. Renee Sullivan Says:

    I’ve had a few discussions with my husband about what I don’t like, but I’ve had a hard time telling him what I do like. That’s because I haven’t figured that out yet. I’ve been so resistant to explore that…and I don’t know why. Am I alone in this feeling?


  2. Oceana Says:

    You are in great company…with like most of the women on the planet! It’s a conditioning we receive from a young age that it’s not polite to want something and ask for it outright. Also, we’re told to keep our hands off of ourselves, and we’re not taught that our genitals are sacred, beautiful parts of us. We’re given the opposite message, and so many women are embarrassed, ashamed, and clueless about them. The very best cure I know of for this is self exploration and education. Until we know what we like, we’re at a disadvantage in knowing what will please us, and so we can’t even tell our lovers. I suggest getting some books on self pleasure and making time for it, because it’s the best way to overcome this challenge… Thanks for responding!


  3. Crowing Crone Joss Says:

    I think part of this is being able to say “I want more of this” rather than tuning out for fear of hurting the other. Pleasure together, should be just that – pleasurable for both. I believe both partners want to feel great about doing something that makes the other feel great!


  4. Pixel Says:

    I’ve never experienced this with my partner because we love to please each other. But I would hope that if either of us didn’t like a particular act we would let eachother know. But that happens after many years of being together.


  5. Oceana Says:

    I think this is a great case for long term intimacy with one partner, Pixel…


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