Self Love Is Mandatory

Spring is here and I long to plunge my fingers and toes into the rich dirt.  I take in the fresh  breeze filled with new and familiar scents, and sit in sun rays on the deck absorbing the warm light as I sip my coffee.  

With tear stained cheeks from an outpouring of my heart over the recent Boston tragedies, I ponder how my life in this moment can be so sublime in contrast.  I remember the many times when personal crisis has brought me to my knees, and yet when I looked around, the rest of the world continued on seemingly unaffected.

I have tested the icy waters of human indifference firsthand to see if I could evoke a response.  Once in a moment of utter desperation and profound shock, I drove to a beach in the winter and walked into the icy ocean up to my neck, coat, boots, mittens and all.  People were on the beach and sitting in their cars enjoying the ocean view.  No one stopped me and no one reacted, even as I came to my senses and  backed out of the water and slowly made my way back to the car.  

Frozen, dripping wet, weeping, and stunned at my own actions and the devastation that had driven me to it, I realized that I had come into this world vulnerable and alone, and that I would likely leave that way as well.  Others might show up from time to time and reach out to support and assist, but ultimately I had to love myself.  No one else could do it for me.

I would spend the next twenty years of my life in a relentless pursuit of learning to love myself.  As a self love ninja, I’ve learned that a desire for something outside of the realm of what we have will continue to bring us to our knees in ways we could never anticipate.  With enough playtime in the sandbox of conscious manifestation, however, one begins to learn the terrain.  Often, even what is completely tragic and unexpected brings about gifts that are inexpressible, unexplainable, and forever mysterious.  What separates self lovers from self haters in this realm is, among other things, the rate of recovery and the willingness to let go.

At this point I pride myself with laser clarity about what I am desiring, and eagle eyes that spot the seemingly chaotic signs along the way for what they are.  Pits and blows that could easily be mistaken for failure by a neophyte are welcomed.  

The ability to love myself is now one of my super powers, not to be mistaken for fluff. It is what enables me to love others with outrageous authenticity, to see life from a myriad of gorgeous angles, and to live my unique full potential.  Super powered self love makes recovering from devastating interludes like a cup of coffee on a sunlit deck in springtime and another french kiss in the ecstasy that is life.

~Oceana LeBlanc is a women’s empowerment coach, tantric yogini, and shaman

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