Beginner’s Guide to Falling In Love With You


I want to really talk to you today.  I’ve been thinking so much about self-love and how women just work and please and caretake.  You know, even when I try to write some very basic tidbits on how to begin to indulge in self-care, I run into women who can’t even wrap their minds around a few minutes of self-indulgence.

Someone wrote to me the other day and she was saying she really wanted me to expand on this concept.  She said that if a woman is so deprived of self-love that she has isolated herself and never gets out, where in the world does she start?  I told her that the fastest way to begin was to eye gaze.

It sounds weird, right?!  Eye gazing.  Like, what the heck is that?  And how on earth do you do it with yourself?  It’s actually a tantric technique, and Rumi, that world renown phenomenal poet of divine love, used to become enlightened.  He spent a full year in a room with his teacher simply eye gazing.  He emerged an enlightened being and wrote poetry that to this day touches the hearts of millions.

I tell people to eye gaze because it was where I began my journey to self-love.  Thirty-some years ago I couldn’t look at my own eyes in the mirror for more than a few seconds.  It made me so uncomfortable that I literally could not bear it.  Today, I could do it endlessly, falling deeper and deeper into blissful communion with my Self.  My Self as in the Divine that lives within, the gentle creature that embodies this Self, the vulnerable sweetness of my innocence and the compassion that wells up when I really see me.

So, for today, please try to look into your own eyes, even for 60 seconds.  Allow the discomfort to rise, and see if you can stay with yourself for a few more seconds.  See the tenderness that others see when they look at you. See beyond the face and into the soul, where, if you keep up this practice daily, you will meet the Self that loves you utterly and completely.

~Oceana LeBlanc is a women’s empowerment coach, tantric yogini, and shaman

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14 Responses to “Beginner’s Guide to Falling In Love With You”

  1. Harriet Stack Says:

    What a lovely post! I’ve been writing about self-care today so it really resonated with me, and is a great illustration of the many ways we can nurture ourselves. Going to give this a try, thanks.


    • Oceana Says:

      Thank you, Harriet. I saw a few blog articles about this topic of self-care today as well, so I think it’s something many of us are thinking about lately. Glad to have been able to share another tip.


  2. The Great Gordino Says:

    I agree with Harriet – I’m going to give it a go, I love coming across new ideas about self love, thanks for the share!


  3. Dr. Samantha Joseph Says:

    Oceana, loved the posting for another path to self acceptance and self-love or just another great practice that keeps enhancing ourselves.

    Rumi’s poetry is great, but Rabia is my favorite sufi poet.

    Dr. Samantha Joseph


  4. Oceana Says:

    Thanks, Dr. Samantha. I will have to check out Rabia!


  5. T. A. Woods Says:

    When I was in the social work field, at conferences self-care was a big topic. Just learning how to take care of one’s self. Lovely post. UBC.


    • Oceana Says:

      It’s great to know that they’re encouraging this amongst social workers. I imagine this reflects on how little we know how to do this in our society and how crucial it is. Thanks so much for sharing!


  6. rachel flower Says:

    Ah, the eye gaze. So powerful. So potent. And so easy to forget when life and work and rushing and going crazy trying to do too much gets in the way….Thank you for the reminder to be still and ‘see’.


  7. Deborah Miles Says:

    Love this so much. I will stare into my eyes as long as possible. Thank you Oceana!!!


  8. Tee Ming Says:

    This eye-gazing sounds very challenging to me but I’m going to try it! Thank you for expanding my horizons and reminding me to care for myself, Oceana.


  9. Oceana Says:

    So glad to have introduced you to something new, Tee. Even 15 seconds to start is a beginning. Hope to hear back on how it’s going.


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