I Could Believe I’m Mean and Hurtful

I have been told that I am a terrible communicator, that I speak in hurtful ways,  and that I am very blaming.  Every single day I have to be extremely careful in how I come across, and the minute I just relax into being casual, I find that I seem harsh to certain people. 

Some days it feels too hard to have to be so utterly vigilant, to have to work so incredibly hard around sensitive souls.  Since I am one, it’s true that it’s also incredibly hard to be me at times. 

 There are days when I truly don’t know what is true and what is not, whether it’s me or it’s the circumstances around me.  When someone says, it’s ALL you, Oceana…it’s all a reflection of you…I take that quite seriously, literally, and to heart.  And then the learned pattern of self~blaming begins internally. 

 My mind begins thinking I must be such a horrible person to be creating such a world so filled with reflections of suffering, blame, and scarcity. My feelings follow, and because I am so deeply sensitive, my emotions are intense, often causing me fierce suffering.

 Why am I telling you all of this? I have a hunch that I am not alone in this.  It’s a pattern of thinking that causes me great suffering, until I apply the powerful remedy of holding myself with compassion and love.  I begin to see that this thought pattern is actually a byproduct of misinterpreted metaphysical teachings.  I began studying them at a young age, and so I suspect my mindset then took everything literally.  Combine that with a dysfunctional upbringing, and the neural programming is a severe message.

 The most powerful lesson I have learned (the hard way) this past year is that yes, it can be our perceptions (all our perceived creation), but that it’s crucial to discern what type of mirror is being reflected.  Some mirrors are just love.  Others are love disguised as suffering until we learn to set a boundary.  And still others are there to prompt us into action, service, or movement towards our next phase.

 There are so many ways to heal this, and to reset the neural thought patterns.  My path is always about self~discovery and learning new ways to heal myself and then to support deep healing in others.  A few of the tools I have found the most powerful are meditation, tantric yoga (sound, breath, movement), EFT, Spiritual Response Therapy, journaling, conscious dreaming, shamanic healing…

 I’d be interested to hear the ways in which you take in the well~meaning messages from spiritual teachings, and how they translate in your own life. 

Have you suffered from misinterpretations, or from paths that just did not fit your internal guidance? 

In what ways do you still find yourself  stuck in thinking patterns that are old, and feel frustrated that those thoughts keep dragging you back into old ways of being?

 

~Goddess Oceana

http://www.goddessoceana.com

 

 

 

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2 Responses to “I Could Believe I’m Mean and Hurtful”

  1. Deborah Miles Says:

    Well Oceana, I will say this, I have never felt any type of anger, dislike or suffering because of anything you have posted. I am always delighted in what you post. That saying, we obviously have things in common.
    Your son & hubby are most fortunate.
    I adore and love you!
    Deborah Miles

    Like

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