True Love Terror

ripping heart

Women tell me about how much they want to have great relationships all the time.  There are articles all over the internet about how to find the man of your dreams and keep him, how to have a better marriage, and how to deepen the intimacy with your lover.

Many women talk about what their partner is or isn’t doing that’s making them unhappy.  They speak of the dream relationship they want, and they spend tons of time trying to figure out what they’re doing wrong, or what makes their man tick.  They contort themselves into emotional pretzels fretting about the other woman, or about how they can get their man to treat them the way they want to be treated.

This article isn’t going to tell you the answers to any of it right now, because I think I’ve stumbled on the one thing that no one is talking about.  This one thing is at the absolute core of all of this commotion.

You see, no one comes to me describing the terrifying act of opening their heart to a man fully and completely, allowing themselves to be so utterly vulnerable that they stop trying to attack him covertly in an attempt to control him so they can feel safer.

The one thing not many women are talking about is how terrifying it is to be deeply in love.  Because, I tell you in all truth, it is fucking scary.  It’s scary to think that this one man could leave you grief-stricken in his absence, your heart ripped apart and bleeding.

How can I be so sure of this?  Because even after twenty-five years with a rock solid guy, I found myself facing the deepest level of intimacy I’ve ever experienced.

I’d been training myself in vulnerability, the deepest surrender, setting ego aside, and putting our love first and foremost.  I don’t do things halfway, and I wanted the very best marriage I could imagine.  The nature of my work as a mentor insists that I live what I teach.  So, I wouldn’t be satisfied until I had plummeted into the depths of my man’s heart and felt a complete union of souls.

In order to do this, I had to drop every single barrier to intimacy I had acquired in my life, from trying to control him, to hiding my traces of shame, to allowing him to be right when he was right, to being willing to be wrong in order to put love first…the list goes on.  In essence, I had to stop emasculating him, even in the most subtle ways that were almost unconscious.

What happened next took my breath away.  Unexpected, incredible, magnificent love showed up.

When I trusted him completely, and told my core truth without unconsciously trying to hurt him first to make myself feel safe, he responded with love.  In trusting him first, he lived up to my trust and beyond.

Today, I found myself in tears expressing my worst fears to my beloved, all wrapped up in my profound love.  In allowing myself to be absolutely raw in my transparency, I experienced terror.  For the first time in my life, I was face to face with the terror of the deepest love I had allowed myself to surrender to a man in this lifetime.

And so I say to you, what’s underneath all of those challenges you’re facing in your relationship is most likely terror at what it may mean to love fully, completely, openly, and without a safety net.

What if you give your whole heart, your tender vulnerability, your whole life to this man, and one day you wake up and he’s no longer there?  What if you’re both elderly and he goes first?  What if you give up cutting him down at the knees with criticism and complaining, and instead get curious about what makes a man tick?

What if you surrender, throw up the white flag, and allow him to deeply love you…and trust him to catch you when you stumble?

~Goddess Oceana

Sensual Empowerment Goddess | Tantric Yogini | Shamaness Unlock the 7 Goddess Secrets every woman NEEDS

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