Relationships, Dating, and Healing

People crave love, safety, and security in a world that’s scary and harsh.  I know I do.

I think women just want someone to love and cherish them, appreciate them and for godsake, to stop with the objectification.

Women tell me all the time that they sooooooo deeply desire someone who will love them and share a meaningful live with them, enjoy family, and stick with them through thick and thin.

Most of the women who come to me for help in attracting a soulmate want to know that someone respects them enough to get to know them and take their time to court them, rather than grope them on a first date or assume that a date is a sexual transaction.

They’re so tired of dating sites where people can pretend to be someone other than who they really are.

Women, and also many men, truly want to be able to trust that who they’re interacting with is a real person, telling the truth about themselves, and not a commodity or just an airbrushed torso in order to trick someone else into meeting up with them.

There’s so much hiding.  Hiding behind photos and videos, pretending to have a lifestyle that’s not what it really is, talking about things that you think someone else wants to hear rather than your simple truth…

When a sensitive, sincere, kind woman puts herself out there on a dating site, the shock of the endless assault of men who are there simply to get laid is overwhelming and hugely disappointing.

It’s enough to make many women sick, and to stop using dating sites altogether.  Some even go into a kind of dulling down, where they pretty much give up and decide they’re  just going to be alone for the rest of their lives.  Cuz who has the energy for this?

It also goes the other way around, where authentic men post from the heart, but their attempts can backfire.  They encounter women who have extreme expectations of perfection about men. 

It all stems from unhealed emotional pain from previous relationships, but nonetheless, this search for the perfect man is there.  On the receiving end of this, many open-hearted men get chewed up and spit out in the process, weathering more and more assaults on their well-meaning attempts to connect sincerely.

And you know what?  I find it really painful to witness what people go through.  It’s reminiscent of my own suffering in dating and in past relationships.  Ow.

I want to see people heal their old patterns and wounds before jumping back into the dating game.


Because I know beyond doubt that it is the old patterns and dynamics that keep this cycle of disappointment in place.  I know because I’ve lived it, and turned it around.  I’ve had every manner of relationship, and been on enough dates in my lifetime to know firsthand how exhilarating and how miserable it can be.

Someone asked me recently if one can do this inner work of healing while they’re dating or already in a relationship, and I said yes.  Inside the arena of interacting with another person are the golden nuggets of our shadows…those nasty patterns that need healing for the suffering to stop.  Relationship is the perfect playground in which to transform oneself.

It’s really, really hard to do this work without professional support, though.  Whether you decide to keep dating while healing, or while in a marriage or relationship that’s rocky, or you choose to do the deep work outside of relationship and take a break while you do it, it’s important to have support.

I’m not here to tell you who to work with right now.  And I’m not here to tell you that having no professional support means you cannot do this.  Some people can.  I fact, I’m just not interested in telling you what to do, other than to listen to your own internal wisdom.  Your inner guidance is always right.

Here’s what I know…

Some people find working with a therapist to be really helpful.  If the therapist is really good at what they do, and they work progressively towards your end date, it can be very powerful and life-changing.  It can also help to bring awareness in a gentle environment of what your personal patterns from childhood were, and to understand what healthy versus dysfunctional behavior is.  In therapy you have professional support well-versed in various life and work challenges that are rooted in behavioral dynamics, chemical imbalances, and personality disorders, among many other things.  It is one approach where the support is the main function, backed by psychological health expertise.

Others work with a coach, and I think it’s the same dynamic in terms of working towards an end date.  There’s a definiteness of purpose that happens when you’re working within a time frame where focus and forward movement propel the  desired goal into being.  Working with a coach, however, is not the same as therapy.  It’s important to make this distinction, because a coach is there to support the vision you desire, not to manage mental health challenges specific to therapy.

The problem is when someone is indefinitely going along to sessions and they don’t have a vision of what they ultimately want out of it, and the therapist/coach is just going along as well.

Having the support of healers on this journey is super helpful, because then you’re working on all levels towards a more fulfilled life.  You might choose acupuncture and massage, with Reiki or Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping).  Energy healers and shamanic practitioners are also an excellent choice.  There’s really no end to the kinds of energy work you can do to support your process and move the big, congealed blocks that have kept you stuck.  Past life influence can come into play, and this is something an energy healer can help you with, versus a therapist.

It’s really a matter of what you’re drawn to, what feels right for you, and what kinds of patterns you’re dealing with.  Try people out, and see who resonates.  Track the results.

I wanted to create a picture of what I see happening so that you can see you’re not alone in this.  There are many people struggling with the world of relationships and dating right now, and there are ways to get the support necessary to have what you really and truly desire.  Love and companionship is so possible for anyone who wants it.

2 Responses to “Relationships, Dating, and Healing”

  1. ariannaalexsandracollins Says:

    Oceana, Though I concur, I also want a man who is viable – who has a job, a vehicle, and his own life. I thought I had everything I wanted in John because he adored me, was emotionally supportive, and kind. Turns out love isn’t enough. I want practical too! Bright Blessings, Arianna

    Arianna Alexsandra Collins Author, “Hearken to Avalon”

    Sent from my iPhone



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