Archive for the ‘Mothering’ Category

Burnout and Saying No

January 4, 2018
yes no confusion
Are you confused about what is an obligation, what’s a necessity,  and how to up your self care mode?
You’re not alone!  I’ve received questions from clients who are sincerely working on self care and clearing their lives of extraneous obligations in order to heal burnout. Some are single moms who can’t afford to take a month and go to a resort for recovery.
I’m writing this for those of you who have trouble figuring out what to say no to, in order to come back to yourself and ground into your truth and health again.
Let’s do this with lists, because it helps to organize your boundaries on paper where you can clearly see what you’re saying yes to, what’s a no, and where that line really is.  When it comes to self care, I think the first step is in making a list of absolute priorities. Income to eat and pay the bills is a number one priority, because without that we starve and are homeless.  So that goes on the list.
Next, look at what else must happen for your survival and add those items.   When we have a hard time drawing boundaries around what we say yes to, we can sometimes get fuzzy in our thinking about what’s a priority.  I know I have had to work at discerning priorities from other things.  In the world of obligations, survival is the one and only measure of  what you’ll be putting on this list.
Once you get really clear on what you must do,  make another list of what you “should” do…like maybe you feel you should do all the dishes at home or no one else will do them. Or you should fold everyone’s laundry because you can’t stand it when theirs isn’t folded.
Stuff like that is not survival stuff.   It’s more a matter of not setting a boundary around where you deserve the respect and honoring of your time, or where you create more work for yourself because you’re feeling out of control if others aren’t doing things the way you want them done.  In this list, you’ll be using your calm, loving indoor voice with clear  and simple directions for those around you, according to their age and abilities.
For example, folding someone else’s laundry eats into your rest and rejuvenation time. Looking at their messy piles might also stress you out. What you need is to brainstorm solutions.
An example of a solution would be to tell them you need more time for rest, and will not be folding their laundry. You also know that you do not want piles where you can see them.  Tell them this is important for your serenity, and that they can stuff the clothes under their bed for all you care, but your boundary is that clean laundry is put where you do not have to look at it while you’re healing from burnout.
When my son was little, a solution would have been to stop folding altogether and get him a dirty basket and a clean basket.  It’s really okay to let laundry sit unfolded if your health and sanity need attention.
I know this is a simple example, but if you can apply that to the list of things you are doing that can be delegated, you can take those “to do’s” off your plate. There are a million things we, as women, think we should be doing that aren’t necessary to survival.
Basically, it’s more a matter of taking anything off of your own plate that you’ve been doing that eats into time you could be resting or enjoying yourself.  Either decide it can wait a month, or that someone else can do it, and then brainstorm how.
Take an hour or two and really do this whole list making exercise, because that investment of time up front will be the steel floor on which you build your self care.
For me, grocery shopping became a big time suck out of my down time from my business. So I explained to my husband that I needed support around not having to do that for a while, possibly from now on. He had some great suggestions, goddess bless him! Now, I text him a list and he picks stuff up on his way home from work. For bulk items, I found out that there are online subscription sites where you can choose items you want shipped automatically, and can even specify how often. I also changed the day that I do the major grocery shopping to the weekend so that my husband and son bring everything in and help me put it away. I have less stress all around. I still get basic groceries, but am not doing it all myself and it’s a much easier haul.
Another simple solution was hampers in every bedroom.   I told my family I’d put loads into the washer and dryer, but folding and putting away was their job. The new order was that if the clothes were not next to the washer, I’d no longer go on the detective mission in their rooms to look for them. I now spend a fraction of the time on laundry.
Also, my particular burnout took the form of thyroid problems. My family members are night owls and I’m a morning person, and I could never get sleep when they were awake.  We sat down and brainstormed solutions together.  Now,  I announce I’m going to bed, they put on their headphones with any media, they keep their voices to a whisper, and they don’t turn lights on in my room.   I bought earplugs and an eye mask. I sleep now and they honor that. I was able to heal my hypothyroid without medication because of my willingness to honor my needs and speak my truth.
Let’s say you’re burned out and it’s truly time to take care of yourself.  You really need to start from the ground up and create a new platform or foundation for your health and well-being.  Here’s a metaphor that might help you create those boundaries…
When you begin to say no to anyone asking you to do things that are above and beyond survival, it’s like taking everything out of your closet except one outfit that’s your basic, great-fitting, comfortable one. From there, you keep saying no to anything that doesn’t fit beautifully, or that isn’t the exactly color you’re loving, or is anything that anyone else thinks you “should” wear that you really don’t love or feel good in.
You’re clearing your closet of life with lists and discernment, feeling in your body what is a yes and what is a no. You’re doing what you need to do to breathe, eat, have a roof, but you’re saying no to anything extra that’s not in your absolute pleasure.
After that, you’ll find you have a set point to go back to, and you’ll begin to have sharper vision for what is a yes in your life, and what is a no.
~Goddess Oceana

Advertisements

All Those Lonely Men

December 15, 2017

lonely man

 

“This is for all the lonely people.”
I saw an elderly woman in a waiting room the other day. She was having a great time chatting everyone up. At first, people were giving her the side-eye, wondering if she was normal or a bit crazy, talking to all those strangers as if she were there friend.
Soon, though, one person began to warm up to her and responded, and they started talking. Others looked curious.
After a while, everyone was smiling and relaxing more in their chairs.
The scenario struck me as familiar in how I tend to move through the world, fortunate to have been raised by a mother who treated everyone as if they were her children. She was outgoing and friendly, and really didn’t think anything of talking to people around her. With that role model ( and often included in the conversations as a child) I find that I am the same way.


During this holiday season, it saddens me to think of so many who have no one to celebrate with, or who are experiencing such deep loss or suffering that the celebrations around them only seem to compound the loneliness.


I heard yesterday from Dr. Christiane Northrup who was doing a video, that men are 4% more likely to commit suicide, and 50% of men do not have a single close friend to talk to (from the Mask of Masculinity by Louis Howes).

It was quite shocking to me, that number.  I began to think about how much easier it seems for many women to create community around themselves, with that gatherer mentality. So I’m wanting to encourage men to reach out if they’re feeling isolated.
I have the honor of men writing to me, in my line of work, who are sincerely expressing their feelings and transparently tell me of their struggles. I feel especially humbled that they courageously risk and reach out, in a culture that does not encourage emotional transparency in males.
I opened my work to men recently, because although women’s empowerment has been my focus, I now realize that my original purpose of healing the feminine does not preclude men, but includes the feminine in all of us.
This morning, I’m thinking about how all of us, men and women, can stretch a little further into reaching out with caring and sensitivity to others during the holidays.
After all, we are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Would love to hear from you in the comments.  What are some ways that you reach out or don’t reach out, and

~ Goddess Oceana

www.GoddessOceana.com

https://www.facebook.com/GoddessOceana/

Be A Goddessly Intender

December 7, 2015

magicwand

 

People ask me what living like a goddess looks like. There’s no simple answer. It can be the smallest, most subtle change in an intention that makes all the difference in the world.

When I mentor women into bringing out their inner goddess, living life like a goddess, and being an embodied goddess, we practice many tools over time until they become second nature. One of these tools is the power of intention.

It’s a shift of mind that can completely alchemize any situation, turn the tide on the outcome of the day, and even make a meal an absolutely healing experience.

Working with intention is one of the most powerful spiritual moves we have as human beings.

Intention is a silent form of mental focus that imprints the invisible field of creation with a recipe for manifestation of whatever we desire.

What that means simply, is that when we focus a clearly articulated idea of what we want, it sends waves of information out into the quantum field of energy we’re a part of, and that energy has the sole purpose of following information waves.

Setting an intention is potent magic, the kind that a goddess can easily use to create wonderful things.

Next time you’re focused on someone and wondering what you can do to elicit something good, set an intention to focus on the good things you see about them rather than the negative. What we focus on grows, and intention can ramp that up tremendously.

Go ahead and grant someone their humanity today by giving them the benefit of the doubt. Find something to love about them. Doubt that their intentions are bad.

Assume their intentions are good.

See what happens.

 

Let me know how it goes. I love hearing from you!

 

Blissings and Blessings,

Goddess Oceana

Sensual Empowerment Goddess | Tantric Yogini | Shamaness Unlock the 7 Goddess Secrets every woman NEEDS

 

Are You Too Much, Not Enough, Or Just Plain Confused?

June 30, 2015

goddess_oceana_art_stretched_canvas_print-r970a6c16d5b04795a55fa6596c5e9b81_z3xig_8byvr_1024

Do you shrink yourself to be more pleasing?

Do you go blank when someone asks you what you want, or make something up in hopes it will turn out well?

Are you confused about why men don’t seem attracted to you, or do you miss the signals?

You’re not alone, sister.  So many of us are stymied by the crazy mixed messages we are bombarded with from the media, and even more importantly, by the way we’ve been trained to be silent, appeasing, and people pleasing.  It becomes a habit based in fear and self-preservation.

You don’t need this habit, but wow does it take hold when it’s reinforced by attitudes in the culture, commercials, and good old-fashioned female oppression.

The truth is that you are never too much, you’re always enough, and you know way more than you give yourself credit for, you goddess!  But how are you supposed to tap into this type of confidence, courage and savvy?

This is my specialty, and I have been through it for decades until I figured it out.  I was the ultimate people pleaser, good girl, quiet and polite lady who spent a whole lot of time battling depression, failed relationships, a failed marriage, and even abuse and rape.

My journey to wholeness began  very slowly, years before I realized I had a problem.  I was training in Law of Attraction and spiritual mysticism early on in my teens, and started my passion for attending transformational workshops in my twenties.  But it wasn’t enough to wipe out the low self-worth I was battling.  Brilliant teachings and trainings were wonderful, and I benefitted immensely, but they didn’t change the deepest core of my particular emotional and mental wounding.

The process of healing took me three decades and was a relentless search on my part, healing layer after layer after layer.  I went through what I would call a spiritual death in my early forties, and the journey back from that was through my ongoing intensive training in the Divine Feminine mysteries, wisewoman teachings, shamanic trainings, and decades of practicing tantric yoga.

I believe there is a reason for everything we experience, and that the soul is imbued with a Divine Plan in collaboration with our inherent desires for ecstasy.

What I offer you now as an elder is the full scope of all that I’ve learned and practiced over my lifetime.  One method doesn’t work for everyone, as you are a unique and wondrous creature with a path as intricate and distinct as a snowflake.  Every individual has their own story to be lived and liberated into an enlightened legend, and for most of us, the support and guidance of a wise teacher with many experiences and an array of skills is necessary.

My passion is to dive deep with women and peer into their souls, support them to fulfill their Divine Destiny with joy, love, and sensuality as their inherent birthright.

Blissings & Blessings,

Goddess Oceana

Goddess Oceana is a certified Tantric Yoga Teacher, Shaman, and Women’s Empowerment Coach. If you’re a woman who wants to embrace your inner power to attract and create more money, and become a magnet to more positive relationships, go here for the free series, The Seven Goddess Secrets Every Modern Woman Must Know To Live In Passionate Pleasure now.

 

Do Shame Differently

June 19, 2014

I love to recycle the shameful and humiliating experiences in my life in ways that celebrate the fullness of the ways they enrich my expansion.  For instance, recently I held an event where no one showed up.  I spent two hours preparing the space and the materials, countless hours marketing and working on the site, social media, and emailing, etc.

What’s a goddess to do when this happens?  I chose to bask in the gorgeous space I created, eat the chocolates I brought, dance to the fabulous playlist I created, and make a sensual dance video while looking out at the lake.

 

Fully prepared tantric yoga circle for doing shame differently.

Fully prepared tantric yoga circle for doing shame differently.

This shifts the focus from victimization to sourcing and from resistance to flow.  It’s also called “riding the horse in the direction it’s going”, according to Werner Erhard, founder of est.

Engaging the flow, allowing the emotions to move through and surrendering to them, we find ourselves unleashed, less somatically blocked, and more fully alive.  It’s a good thing.  Tears can come and they’re well received.  We are gentle with ourselves and can find the ecstasy in the mundane.

Very soon I am creating an event where I will celebrate the people who have dumped me for their perfect self-exorcism, and release the crappy energy they left behind, bury the loss and humiliation in a funeral pyre, and make the very most out of my black wardrobe.  It will be a funeral for shame.  Cuz that’s the way I roll. 😉

~Goddess Oceana

www.GoddessOceana.com

Balance Is Absurd

January 23, 2014

she-doesnt-quite-have-it-all-copy

The almighty experts who are trying to figure out how women can have it all tell us that above all, we must strive for balance.  Better yet, draw a pie graph and label each slice with a different area of your life and give each slice a number from one to ten.  Then work harder on the low numbers.  I have news for these experts, girlfriend.  The people who create these graph exercises are missing the fact that for each woman there are many, many levels of pies all stacked up, some thrown and some eaten.  A woman can eat a pie and bake another one that matches it and no one will ever be the wiser.  It’s just not so simple.  After years of following expert advice like a good girl, why am I coming up facing the same struggle and beating myself up on top of it?  I’ve given this some thought, done some intensive research, and am realizing there are a few things I have to say on the matter.

First of all, a woman striving for balance is like a cloud trying to maintain precipitation without ever raining.  Women are not linear beings going from point A to point B in one straight, even, carefully drawn line.  The women I know are messy, neat, beautiful, disheveled, passionate, irritable, sweet, generous, terrified, confident, completely neurotic, powerful, sexy, intimidated, anxious, boring, exciting, insecure, happy, depressed, on fire, and so very much more.  In fact, every single one of these adjectives could describe one single woman at any given time.  The women I have experienced who seem to have their lives in perfect balance on the outside are often lacking a certain internal fire, a spark in their eyes, or are medicated unduly by unwitting professionals trying to treat a label rather than dig deeper.  Just sayin.  I’m personally convinced that balance is something water finds, scales measure, and construction workers who aren’t in a messy hurry find with a level.

The single thing that has lit me up and given me a sense of ownership and creative power in my life has been pleasure as a practice, combined with an internal experience of the sacredness of all of life, wrapped up in the love of other women.  There’s a certain knowing that goes womb-deep that women hold for each other, unspoken, palpable, and in a silent language “bone”.  It’s something we just know in our bones, as ancient as our ancestral line.  Just as men have a language, women have a sisterhood that we need around us to survive well and to take the dives into the mystery that only women sense.  It’s wrapped up in shadows and pleasure, passionate creativity, loss and grieving, and seduction mixed with rolling laughter.  For us to find our center, we truly do need the love and support of other women.

The experts have the right idea you know, that there’s something we need to steer ourselves towards our joyful fulfillment in this life, but it’s not a perfectly balanced pie.  It’s more of a sacred agreement to honor our core knowing, and to do it much as we have been taught by our bodies, in messy, loud colors and soft hues of rising and reposing cycles.  We are to honor, cherish, and nurture pleasure in utter defiance of a culture that repudiates it.  I’m convinced that balance takes care of itself when we are true to ourselves, and that pies are for sharing, the more the better.  We can go ahead and use the graph to lay out a plan, but if we make the graph more important than our sense of bone knowing when the body says no, we risk coming from a flat line and missing out on the sheer pleasure of being alive.  A woman knows, but a place where she can be heard tiptoeing towards her core with tears and fire is the sacred, cyclical, ever-changing map towards her true desires and her passion.  Let this be the new “balance”.

Work Out Your Love Muscle

May 20, 2013

kissing-self-in-the-mirror

Friendly reminder here.  There are times when we wonder if anyone really loves us.  Ever feel that way?  We want to believe it, and yet there can be this little voice inside that tells us they really don’t.  It tells us that everyone out there has their own best interest in mind, that they’re only being nice, but when push comes to shove they’re just giving us lip service.

I’m here to tell you that getting a handle on that voice is totally an inside job.  There is absolutely nothing you can do to shut it up permanently, but you can certainly turn down the volume and add a new character.  The Self Love Queen, yes, that’s what I’m talkin’ about.

You see, if you begin practicing self-love, you start to notice it everywhere.  People respond to you differently.  Nice things happen.  You get bonus gifts from the universe and happy surprises. Dogs and babies flirt with you, and your popularity gets a major boost.

Think about it.  Why the hell would you like someone who doesn’t even like themselves?  Tough to do, right?!  Sure, you can like them a bit, pity them some, and even get your inner martyr stoked on saving them from their own self loathing, but do you really want to hang out with them much?  It’s depressing because no matter how much love you send their way, they cannot and will not soak it up.  A person who doesn’t love themselves can’t receive more love than they have their inner barometer set for.  It’s similar to water.  It seeks it’s own level.

That said, the most efficient way to love and be loved is to work out your self love muscles.  Practice doing nice things for yourself.  Force yourself to look in the mirror and deliver a genuine compliment.  If you can’t find anything right, then make it up until you can muster some belief about it.  Take some extra time caring for that precious body of yours and start feeding it some fresh, delicious food.  Drink more water.  Take a walk somewhere beautiful.

Give yourself a foot massage with some divinely scented lotion, and finally take a break and read that book you always wanted to read.  When someone gives you a compliment, just say thank you.  Mean it. Locate the place in your life where you feel short-changed and set about giving yourself more.  Whether it’s more friendship, more free time, more laughter, more sex, more gifts, more appreciation…find a way to have more until you feel filled up.  Then do it again.

The only way to receive more is to be a larger container for what you want to receive.  Start flexing those love muscles, my friend, and see what happens.  I’d love to hear about your experiences with this and how you opened your life to more love.

~Goddess Oceana

http://www.goddessoceana.com

Goddess Oceana is a certified Tantric Yoga Teacher, Shaman, and Women’s Empowerment Coach. If you’re a woman who wants to embrace your inner power to attract and create more money, and become a magnet to more positive relationships, go here for the free series, The Seven Goddess Secrets Every Modern Woman Must Know To Live In Passionate Pleasure now.

Divinely Aromatic Organic Elixirs

May 7, 2013

essential oil lavender

I am beyond thrilled, my peeps!
For years I have whipped up yummilicious products in my kitchen for all manner of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional healing. When I had cramps, I would blend together healing essential oils into drops that I could massage into my back and get relief.

When I wanted to smell divine, I would simply pull out my case of a kazillion organic essential oils and devote myself to creating something irresistable. When a friend had an issue, such as painfully dry cracked heels, I couldn’t help myself but would immediately set out to conjure up a balm of the most amazingly healing butters, oils, and essences that would conquer the malady…and it would work.

It truly didn’t occur to me that I might want to package and sell these items for quite some years. And when I did think of it, I couldn’t fathom the process of how to package, label or market said items. I didn’t want to bother with it. Content was I to bask in the auras of my herb garden, digging around, drumming in the fairies, journeying into the spirits of the plants to work with me to heal my loved ones.

I did, and still do enjoy taking clients for appointments to create personalized essential oil blends…a process that consists of sitting and talking for a while, taking notes, watching their auras change and shift, and indulging them in smelling all of the fabulous oils I have. The final step is where I blend a special little bottle full of oils that are specific to them, to their issues, to their noses…which aids and supports them through whatever they are going through in their lives at that time.
It’s a joy for me to do these sessions, and it is magical the way the oils work on such a subtle level and do their magical mysterious healing.

That said, the thought of bottling up scents and selling them to the public? I toyed with it for years, started and stopped and had hurdle after hurdle…until now. Finally I employed the support and knowledge of other women in business…entrepreneurs, if you will. Through trial and error, I’ve overcome many challenges, the most of which have been my self doubts.

Today, I am proud to announce that I have succeeded in packaging several of my favorite creations. I am continuing to move forward through my penchant for perfection and settle for less than perfect. They are good enough. They are actually supremely divine say my friends, but my ego will never admit it.
I offer to you the very first of my babies, with many more to follow soon. I am whipping up miracles in my kitchen daily, and brainstorming names.
Interested in a healing session with a personalized aromatherapy blend?  Email Goddess Oceana to schedule or to ask more questions at goddessoceana@gmail.com. If you live too far for an in person session, I work well over skype.

Beginner’s Guide to Falling In Love With You

April 21, 2013

Image

I want to really talk to you today.  I’ve been thinking so much about self-love and how women just work and please and caretake.  You know, even when I try to write some very basic tidbits on how to begin to indulge in self-care, I run into women who can’t even wrap their minds around a few minutes of self-indulgence.

Someone wrote to me the other day and she was saying she really wanted me to expand on this concept.  She said that if a woman is so deprived of self-love that she has isolated herself and never gets out, where in the world does she start?  I told her that the fastest way to begin was to eye gaze.

It sounds weird, right?!  Eye gazing.  Like, what the heck is that?  And how on earth do you do it with yourself?  It’s actually a tantric technique, and Rumi, that world renown phenomenal poet of divine love, used to become enlightened.  He spent a full year in a room with his teacher simply eye gazing.  He emerged an enlightened being and wrote poetry that to this day touches the hearts of millions.

I tell people to eye gaze because it was where I began my journey to self-love.  Thirty-some years ago I couldn’t look at my own eyes in the mirror for more than a few seconds.  It made me so uncomfortable that I literally could not bear it.  Today, I could do it endlessly, falling deeper and deeper into blissful communion with my Self.  My Self as in the Divine that lives within, the gentle creature that embodies this Self, the vulnerable sweetness of my innocence and the compassion that wells up when I really see me.

So, for today, please try to look into your own eyes, even for 60 seconds.  Allow the discomfort to rise, and see if you can stay with yourself for a few more seconds.  See the tenderness that others see when they look at you. See beyond the face and into the soul, where, if you keep up this practice daily, you will meet the Self that loves you utterly and completely.

~Oceana LeBlanc is a women’s empowerment coach, tantric yogini, and shaman

http://www.goddessoceana.com

Self Love Makes Lotsa Love Kittens

April 20, 2013

kittens galore

The more we love ourselves, the more love we’re able to receive and the more love we can pour onto the world freely.  If you do the math, you’ll end up finding that self love multiplies like bunnies and kittens.

A calculator cannot add up the exponential and radical profusion of miraculous ripples of good that reverberate into the ethers and bounce back.  No miracle shelter could begin to hold the colossal volume of overflowing goodness babies that proliferate the population when a being practices self love.

Giving without expectation of reward is only possible if one has mastered self love.  One who cannot love themselves fully is tethered energetically with invisible iron cords of non-release and prosperity constipation. Gifting doesn’t happen.  What happens is unspoken bartering, gift wrapped with a bow.  The poor sucker receiving this package is now under scrutiny.

This type of sad affair causes all manner of unappreciated gifts, unfulfilled expectations, and even some outright victimization, illnesses, and swampy nose dives of despair. Among other things, it’s just tight and contracted.  Ouch.  Love can barely squeeze in and love can barely squeeze out.  Suffering ensues.

The antidote for all of this is to do the unthinkable.  Overdose with self love lubricant.  It’s what society tells us is selfish, what mama taught us good girls don’t do, and what we feel like we should be hiding. We need to overdose, because we’re sorely lacking and because when one is malnourished, drastic measures are necessary.

We need high potency self love, pleasure breaks, bubble baths, treats, hugs, massages, laughter, happy movies, snuggling and cuddles, sweet smelling stuff, dancing wild, sleeping naked on satin sheets, crying in a pair of strong and loving arms, letting someone brush our hair, lounging around doing absolutely nothing while sipping expensive liquids, or what. ever. it. takes. We need sessions of proclaiming our gratitude for every single thing we see in the mirror from a hang nail to the curve of our cheek.

People, this is an international emergency.  Self love is the red cross of getting off the cross and caring for the only one that is right here in this moment.  You.

~Oceana LeBlanc is a transformational leader, women’s empowerment coach, tantric yogini, and shaman.

http://www.goddessoceana.com


%d bloggers like this: