Posts Tagged ‘balance’

How Do You Handle A Bully?

December 31, 2014

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I wonder about the history of bullying. I imagine that in prehistoric days, being a bully was the way to be the boss in the cave. Totally up for info on that, but it seems possible.
Then came the days of the quick fix, when we had communities and villages, and the bully was finally pummeled by someone, thereby putting an end to the bullying, at least from that person.
Then came conscious communication, and the turnaround transition where the bullies were loved by those who could see the suffering underneath, and recognize their own internal bully, and quite possibly heal the dynamic of bullying altogether.
My dear friend, Judy Giovangelo has devoted her life to healing bullies, inside and out with her magnificent organization Ben Speaks, and so she keeps me awake and aware about this bullying topic.

There is, however, another fascinating slant on bullying that is more esoteric and takes an enormous dose of patience, and that I’ve practiced my whole life. It’s totally an inside job, while watching karmic patterns play out.

I’ve experienced and witnessed treatment from some people that shocked me and felt awful, but with prayer, meditation, and learning to love myself more, I’ve been silent, like an owl. Watching over years sometimes, just seeing the internal suffering of the bully, sending love, and also doing what I needed to do to take care of myself, I haven’t been one to take an activist stance and fight back, unless my family or myself were in danger. I’ve chosen, out of simply feeling what my intuitive knowing was telling me, to be the owl high in the tree, watching the unravelling of events in the bully’s life, and at times sincerely felt sad for them when the universe dished back the same energy multiplied.  Personally, I think this higher view allows for those intricate dynamics that we don’t know about to play out more perfectly in alignment with everyone’s highest good.  I’m less inclined to want to interfere with the genius of the universe.

More recently, I’m becoming acutely aware of this as the vibration in the universe picks up speed, and the wait is much, much shorter. I see it for myself as well as others. The benefit of being awake in this world is that when we screw up, we know how it works, and we can make amends as well as do other spiritual practices to smooth out the repercussions and heal the wrong before we get the slapback and it’s much softer. It’s softer because we have owned our actions and taken action. It’s softer because we were accountable to the energy dynamic that connects all of us as one.

There are still many of us who haven’t quite caught up, though. We can see it in the headlines. If you were to read the headlines as if they were the message from your Higher Self about how you’re doing today, how would your life be different? I think that those of us who know our internal landscape and are clear about our oneness on this beautiful earth are able to see the places inside of ourselves where we are still at war, and do the healing work necessary.

If each and every one of us were taking exquisite care of ourselves internally, perhaps the headlines would reflect that ramp up of love in the world. Before you begin to argue this point with a litany of reasons why it’s unreasonable and with proof that it’s a false idea, consider the possibility of love as a healing agent more powerful than any energy in this universe.

We’ve come a long way from the cave, baby, and it’s time to wake up. Gently, softly, I am whispering an “I love you” wakeup call.

Balance Is Absurd

January 23, 2014

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The almighty experts who are trying to figure out how women can have it all tell us that above all, we must strive for balance.  Better yet, draw a pie graph and label each slice with a different area of your life and give each slice a number from one to ten.  Then work harder on the low numbers.  I have news for these experts, girlfriend.  The people who create these graph exercises are missing the fact that for each woman there are many, many levels of pies all stacked up, some thrown and some eaten.  A woman can eat a pie and bake another one that matches it and no one will ever be the wiser.  It’s just not so simple.  After years of following expert advice like a good girl, why am I coming up facing the same struggle and beating myself up on top of it?  I’ve given this some thought, done some intensive research, and am realizing there are a few things I have to say on the matter.

First of all, a woman striving for balance is like a cloud trying to maintain precipitation without ever raining.  Women are not linear beings going from point A to point B in one straight, even, carefully drawn line.  The women I know are messy, neat, beautiful, disheveled, passionate, irritable, sweet, generous, terrified, confident, completely neurotic, powerful, sexy, intimidated, anxious, boring, exciting, insecure, happy, depressed, on fire, and so very much more.  In fact, every single one of these adjectives could describe one single woman at any given time.  The women I have experienced who seem to have their lives in perfect balance on the outside are often lacking a certain internal fire, a spark in their eyes, or are medicated unduly by unwitting professionals trying to treat a label rather than dig deeper.  Just sayin.  I’m personally convinced that balance is something water finds, scales measure, and construction workers who aren’t in a messy hurry find with a level.

The single thing that has lit me up and given me a sense of ownership and creative power in my life has been pleasure as a practice, combined with an internal experience of the sacredness of all of life, wrapped up in the love of other women.  There’s a certain knowing that goes womb-deep that women hold for each other, unspoken, palpable, and in a silent language “bone”.  It’s something we just know in our bones, as ancient as our ancestral line.  Just as men have a language, women have a sisterhood that we need around us to survive well and to take the dives into the mystery that only women sense.  It’s wrapped up in shadows and pleasure, passionate creativity, loss and grieving, and seduction mixed with rolling laughter.  For us to find our center, we truly do need the love and support of other women.

The experts have the right idea you know, that there’s something we need to steer ourselves towards our joyful fulfillment in this life, but it’s not a perfectly balanced pie.  It’s more of a sacred agreement to honor our core knowing, and to do it much as we have been taught by our bodies, in messy, loud colors and soft hues of rising and reposing cycles.  We are to honor, cherish, and nurture pleasure in utter defiance of a culture that repudiates it.  I’m convinced that balance takes care of itself when we are true to ourselves, and that pies are for sharing, the more the better.  We can go ahead and use the graph to lay out a plan, but if we make the graph more important than our sense of bone knowing when the body says no, we risk coming from a flat line and missing out on the sheer pleasure of being alive.  A woman knows, but a place where she can be heard tiptoeing towards her core with tears and fire is the sacred, cyclical, ever-changing map towards her true desires and her passion.  Let this be the new “balance”.

Visionary Vegan Turned Praying Carnivore?

June 18, 2012

Diet seems to encourage conversation easier than many other topics. I notice this when I post a status update on Facebook that’s about food, and immediately the responses start pouring in, whereas if I post a prayer I might get one or two responses over time.   Not everyone prays, but I think it’s safe to say that every one of us eats. 

Vegetarianism, veganism, and raw-ism are some controversial topics in today’s world.  We heard a sermon, believe it or not, on veganism yesterday and it was conversationally stimulating, to say the least.  In fact, we are still talking about it, reacting to it, and in wonder about it.  It caused such intense reactions in the audience that the minister received some anonymous hate mail on her windshield.  I’d say that if one can elicit this type of reaction, then they are making some waves that cause growth one way or another.

A vegetarian for 21 years, a vegan for 3 years, and two different month long forays into a raw diet, I have some things to say on the topic.  I feel that I’ve explored different diets and the lifestyles that go with them.  I’ve even encountered health afflictions created by some of them.  My sweetheart reminds me that we visited veganism together twenty years ago and gave it our full monty…and have lived to tell the story, too.

My personal journey into vegetarianism first as a spiritual choice and then a health choice was not so difficult. My Higher Power made it abundantly clear to steer from cows by downloading an intense vision of a live cow being forced through a meat grinder as I bit into a Big Mac one day at a drive-thru.  That first bite was spit out vehemently and was the last bite of red meat I was to take for the next 23 years.

I was religious about it.  My poor mother tried to make my fiancé and I some vegetable soup one day and thought she could get away with a beef broth base without my noticing.  Wrong.  The soup ended up in the toilet.  I forced her to sit thru a Tofurkey at Thanksgiving against her will, and when she brought home what used to be my favorite dish ever, a live lobster that was a gift from a friend, I was mortified.  I begged and pleaded, tear streaming down my face, not to boil that lobster.  She finally relented and handed it to me, and I drove to the canal and sent it home in front of a fisherman at the dock who stood there with a strange look on his face.

My day of reckoning came when I became so ill I couldn’t eat.  My stomach was on fire, and my skin had broken out.  A plague of symptoms too terrible and personal to list had befallen me, and the doctor couldn’t help.  Nothing helped. As a final attempt at relief, I sought out a holistic nutritional doctor that a friend recommended, and they determined that my body had developed severe sensitivities to every substance foundational to my diet.  What was left to eat now?  Bark?  Trees?  Dirt?  It was indeed a big dilemma.

For a year or so I lived on meager fixin’s where no meat, no gluten, no soy, no wheat, no tomatoes and no yeast or dairy passed my lips.  It was impossible to eat at a restaurant, and it was painfully boring, but at least I wasn’t suffering from the horrible food reactions anymore.

Then I became pregnant and a new lesson was in store for me.  Five months in I could not stay awake, falling asleep even standing up.  I was exhausted, depleted, and unwell.  The doctor announced severe anemia, and no amount of pills or Floradix, or prune juice could fix it.  I was actually craving steak in my dreams.  And so, with great trepidation and deep concern, we went to a restaurant to order the first steak in well over two decades.  I couldn’t even bear to cook it myself, nor did I even know how.  That was a rough meal for me and for my beloved, who had to cut the meat for me because I couldn’t bear to.  The lifting of the fork was a push/pull, wanting to eat and not wanting to eat.

My baby’s life depended on it, though, and so eat I did.  I made peace with what was, in my own way.  Having a strong background in spiritual studies, my intention was pure and I prayed over that cow, chicken, fish hard and long before partaking.  Heck, I had been practicing praying over vegetables before chopping them for decades as well.

This was the full circle of my experience with extreme diets, and it’s not even touching on weight loss diets I’ve tried.  The message was very clear after this, that I had no right to judge anyone who ate meat or didn’t eat meat, nor did I have a right to presume that I knew best what they should be eating or whether they were ignorant or enlightened about food.  Even judging someone who is beginning to find their consciousness in what they eat is entitled to their experience without judgment.  I was that person who was zealous in my newfound passion for saving the lives of animals, cleaning up the planet, and honoring life the best I could.  I was also that person that had to eat things I would rather not have eaten, for survival and health purposes. 

Nowadays, I practice conscious choices and prayer, raising the vibration of whatever I consume, and forgiving myself when I forget or when I choose things I know aren’t good for me.  My current path is one of love and healing towards that which I consume, praying with deep gratitude for whatever gave of itself so that I could live.  I make the best choices that I can in terms of whether to purchase leather or cloth, natural or synthetic.  There are arguments in every direction for what is best or worst and it seems that evidence can be found in every direction according to one’s intention.

My mantra is balance in all things.  Balance is a good place to seek and a beautiful place to land.

 

 


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