Posts Tagged ‘bliss’

Unlovable, Ugly, and Surely Bad

July 5, 2012

 

Sometimes, I’m afraid to really let you see me, because I’m so flawed it’s ridiculous.  Somewhere along the line, I was thoroughly convinced that I was bad to the core, that noone could possibly love me, and that I had to do some pretty fancy footwork to make sure noone would find out.  After all, if anyone knew, they’d hate me and want me killed.

Where does a child go from there?  No matter how hard a parent tries, there will be messaging a child receives that’s bound to wound their psyche in some way.  Children are each unique, and they absorb messages we don’t even say out loud.  You could have four children and one family event of emotional charge, and each child will internalize it differently.

My own childhood was rich with uncertainty, fighting, anger, a good dose of poverty, and plenty of emotional abuse.  The flip side was some pretty awesome love, an absolutely gorgeous location, organic food, scholarships for voice lessons, some incredible adventures, and the freedom to explore and play to my heart’s content.  I’ve heard of far more terrifying childhoods than mine, and far more privileged ones as well.  Not one of us comes out unscathed.

Regardless of the decades of work I’ve done on myself, the personal growth workshops, deep transformational work, spiritual practices, and therapy, there will always be that voice inside.  It doesn’t go away as we assume it will if we work hard enough.  The truth is that it’s a part of us, and accepting this is actually a way to make peace with it.  The difference, I think, is whether we’re victimized by our internal predatory voice or empowered by it.

We can become skilled at distinguishing this voice, putting it aside or using it’s energy to generate a new message.  When I notice that I’m afraid people hate me because I’m shining too much, it’s a big red light that I need to breathe and listen.  That’s when I assess what I’m really afraid of, and give myself the talk.  It goes like this:  “Oceana, that’s your scared little girl.  She is trying to protect you and keep you safe. It’s time to reassure her that she’s safe, and that for you to do your job of helping other women feel confident enough to shine, you must allow yourself to shine.  It’s your dharma.  Go for it.”

I encourage you to create your own pep talk for those moments when your inner child is having a hard time.  I’d love to help you with this.  I offer introductory sessions for women who are exhausted with the way things are, want to feel empowered and passionate again, and want to go for their dreams but need some support and a skilled spiritual coach to guide them.  Just go HERE and follow the directions, and we’ll have you shining brighter than you ever have before…

Goddess Oceana

http://galadarling.com/article/100-ways-you-can-start-loving-yourself-right-now

http://www.owningpink.com/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14692-inner-child/

Enjoyment is Sexy

June 27, 2012

One of the most powerful ways to bask in sensuality is to be completely engrossed in a moment of sheer pleasureful enjoyment.  In fact, I would venture to say that it’s impossible to have pleasure if you are focused on the past or the future.  Pleasure is an in the moment, completely mindful and present state of being.

Oh, we can have thoughts of pleasure by remembering them or imagining a future pleasureful moment, but they are thoughts of pleasure and not actual pleasure unless our thoughts are engaged in simulating the feeling of the event as in actual real time.

I made this up.  If you think it’s not true, I’m happy to hear your point of view, but as far as my own personal research on pleasure, this seems to be true to me.

Ever tried to do something that you find repulsive just to please someone else?  Some would never do this, but there are those who would because they want to either be perceived a certain way, or are afraid of rejection, or are desperate for love.  I’m not referring to the times when you try something new and find out you don’t like it.

This in mind, and to the point at hand, I’d like the women who are seeking an upgrade in their sex lives to pay attention.  The single most powerful thing you can do to feel more pleasure is to engage in exactly what feels good to all of your physical senses.  That means stop trying so hard to please your partner unless it feels absolutely amazing to do so.  Stop pretending to like performing certain acts if they do not feel good to you.  Take some time out in your life to focus on what you enjoy and give yourself more of it.

In my years as a sex educator, I encountered woman after woman who would confess to me privately how much she hated this or that act, but would participate in it because it was what her partner wanted.  After some questioning, it was revealed that she hadn’t ever told him, nor had she the slightest idea what she did enjoy, or ever tell him what she would prefer or what she liked.

My advice here is clear and simple.  Explore what feels good and then tell him what you want.  Suggest what you prefer if there’s something you don’t enjoy doing.  Your pleasure will turn on your partner far more than anything you do out of obligation  because you’re afraid to speak up.  There’s plenty of time in life to try lots of things you’re unsure of, after you are deeply in touch with your own pleasure and what evokes it, but the first step is in truly pleasing yourself.

Goddess Oceana

http://www.goddessoceana.com


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