Posts Tagged ‘child’

On Welcoming A Wisewoman

January 23, 2014

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A new humility has surfaced in me the last couple of years, a sort of surrender to the wise woman birthing herself in my being as I round the corner of menopause.  Pregnancy with this energy seemed to have lasted a slowly percolating decade, but when labor ensued, it was a force I had no previous awareness of, raw and fierce and gentle all at the same time.

 

Before where I had a sense of self, knowing exactly who I was and where I was going, this wise woman crone brought down some sort of unearthly axe and suddenly I was forgetful, weak when I wanted to be strong, stupid when I needed to be sharp, exhausted when I had to be on my game, bored when I would rather have been curious and enthusiastic.  This old dame was turning me upside down and inside out.

 

Nothing like a huge and uncomfortable change ever seems to happen at a good time, does it?!  And so, surrender was not only necessary, but inescapable.  The crone energy is Kali Ma Herself, Hindu goddess of sharp, grand, and furious awakening.  When I finally decided to surrender, it seemed that it would require a willingness to speak up, a need to educate the less initiated, and a bold-assed declaration of my boundaries that pissed people off.

 

I’m still in the throes of this, but can report that a sense of humor is crucial.  When I find myself in certain situations, it can be utterly unnerving if I don’t have the capacity to laugh at myself with others.  The other day I told my 13 year old to please get his bacon on and get out to the car so we wouldn’t be late.  Words I have spoken my whole life suddenly interchange, and I don’t even hear myself as they slide effortlessly out of my mouth.  He just stood there laughing hysterically, with me feeling a bit offended.  “What are you laughing at?” I inquired.  He told me what I had just said, and I was baffled.  Truly, I thought I told him to get his coat on.

 

My sweet husband will attest that he can tell me something, only to find me asking the same question an hour or a day later,  as if the conversation never happened.  At first, he thought I was messing with him.  I explain that this is what birthing a crone looks like, and he’ll have to try to remember that I require a bit more gentleness, a bit more tolerance, and a whole lot of patience until she emerges and this passage is complete.  I am welcoming a wise woman, and she is in the becoming.

 

Who is in your life that is at the crossroads of this powerful transformation?  In what ways can you support her, learn from her, honor her in holding a space for soft landing while she is birthing possibly the most compelling and courageous transformation she has ever met?  If you are in this stage, how do you hold yourself gently, and what are you celebrating about it?

 

I would love to hear your experience, your questions, your deep inquiries and gifts…feel free to share below.

 

~Goddess Oceana

http:/www.goddessoceana.com

 

 

 

Unlovable, Ugly, and Surely Bad

July 5, 2012

 

Sometimes, I’m afraid to really let you see me, because I’m so flawed it’s ridiculous.  Somewhere along the line, I was thoroughly convinced that I was bad to the core, that noone could possibly love me, and that I had to do some pretty fancy footwork to make sure noone would find out.  After all, if anyone knew, they’d hate me and want me killed.

Where does a child go from there?  No matter how hard a parent tries, there will be messaging a child receives that’s bound to wound their psyche in some way.  Children are each unique, and they absorb messages we don’t even say out loud.  You could have four children and one family event of emotional charge, and each child will internalize it differently.

My own childhood was rich with uncertainty, fighting, anger, a good dose of poverty, and plenty of emotional abuse.  The flip side was some pretty awesome love, an absolutely gorgeous location, organic food, scholarships for voice lessons, some incredible adventures, and the freedom to explore and play to my heart’s content.  I’ve heard of far more terrifying childhoods than mine, and far more privileged ones as well.  Not one of us comes out unscathed.

Regardless of the decades of work I’ve done on myself, the personal growth workshops, deep transformational work, spiritual practices, and therapy, there will always be that voice inside.  It doesn’t go away as we assume it will if we work hard enough.  The truth is that it’s a part of us, and accepting this is actually a way to make peace with it.  The difference, I think, is whether we’re victimized by our internal predatory voice or empowered by it.

We can become skilled at distinguishing this voice, putting it aside or using it’s energy to generate a new message.  When I notice that I’m afraid people hate me because I’m shining too much, it’s a big red light that I need to breathe and listen.  That’s when I assess what I’m really afraid of, and give myself the talk.  It goes like this:  “Oceana, that’s your scared little girl.  She is trying to protect you and keep you safe. It’s time to reassure her that she’s safe, and that for you to do your job of helping other women feel confident enough to shine, you must allow yourself to shine.  It’s your dharma.  Go for it.”

I encourage you to create your own pep talk for those moments when your inner child is having a hard time.  I’d love to help you with this.  I offer introductory sessions for women who are exhausted with the way things are, want to feel empowered and passionate again, and want to go for their dreams but need some support and a skilled spiritual coach to guide them.  Just go HERE and follow the directions, and we’ll have you shining brighter than you ever have before…

Goddess Oceana

http://galadarling.com/article/100-ways-you-can-start-loving-yourself-right-now

http://www.owningpink.com/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14692-inner-child/


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