Posts Tagged ‘communication’

Speechless During Sex?

January 18, 2016

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Let’s get down to business, shall we?

Your pleasure plays a huge role in how empowered you are.  My mission is to teach you how to be a goddess, and goddesses are powerful.  One of the myriad teachings I share is how to live a pleasure-filled life, bask in sensuality, and enjoy the incredible benefits that come from such a badass lifestyle.

Before I became an empowered goddess, I was a shy, mute, lovely and good girl.  Unskilled and inexperienced sexually, I naively hoped for the best and mostly got the worst.  In those days, the only information available was in the few books we could find on the subject, magazines, and word of mouth.  All of it was sadly lacking, and we were hugely misinformed.

A big part of my awakening sexually happened when I discovered vibrators.  It changed my life.  Suddenly I was feeling things I hadn’t known I could feel.  In short, self pleasure became the key to understanding my body and in showing my lover what worked for me.  Years later, I became a sex educator for a well-known toy consultancy, and one of the themes we found most beneficial for women was teaching them that self pleasure is the key, in fact, to all women’s success in having optimal pleasure with lovers.

Many types of empowerment and sexuality trainings  later, what emerged was another aha… the absolute necessity of certain types of communication in bed.  Yes, we hear it and read it everywhere, but I have an idea that not everyone actually practices it.  Nor do they know how.

Here are a couple of tips on successful pleasuring communication:

  • Practice speaking up every time something feels good with describing exactly when and what, even if you don’t feel confident in doing so at first.  (Practice, practice, practice).
  • If something is not to your liking, instead of just laying a complaint on your partner, keep the passion flowing by first saying what did feel good or what you do like about them or what they’re doing, and follow with requesting what you want more of or  want different.
  • Keep breathing.  Holding your breath (which many do unconsciously when they’re revved up) constricts energy, inhibits communication, and freezes the response.  Just remember to breathe, and if you notice you stopped, start again with slower, longer breaths.  Short, shallow breath can also shorten orgasm.  Long, conscious breathing prolongs pleasure. Breathing can also be a way of communicating.  Even if we don’t realize it, we sense so much from another’s breathing patterns.
  • If all else fails, ask your lover to receive, and show them what you like by touching them they way you wish to be touched, kissed, or stroked.

Speaking up in bed can be so scary for some women, especially if past abuse or trauma is present.  Be gentle with yourself and start slowly, and celebrate every successful communication, no matter how small it may seem.  One tiny step at a time, over time, will reap huge rewards, I promise.

Juicy Goddess Blessings,

Goddess Oceana

Sensual Empowerment Goddess | Tantric Yogini | Shamaness Unlock the 7 Goddess Secrets every woman NEEDS

 

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How Do You Handle A Bully?

December 31, 2014

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I wonder about the history of bullying. I imagine that in prehistoric days, being a bully was the way to be the boss in the cave. Totally up for info on that, but it seems possible.
Then came the days of the quick fix, when we had communities and villages, and the bully was finally pummeled by someone, thereby putting an end to the bullying, at least from that person.
Then came conscious communication, and the turnaround transition where the bullies were loved by those who could see the suffering underneath, and recognize their own internal bully, and quite possibly heal the dynamic of bullying altogether.
My dear friend, Judy Giovangelo has devoted her life to healing bullies, inside and out with her magnificent organization Ben Speaks, and so she keeps me awake and aware about this bullying topic.

There is, however, another fascinating slant on bullying that is more esoteric and takes an enormous dose of patience, and that I’ve practiced my whole life. It’s totally an inside job, while watching karmic patterns play out.

I’ve experienced and witnessed treatment from some people that shocked me and felt awful, but with prayer, meditation, and learning to love myself more, I’ve been silent, like an owl. Watching over years sometimes, just seeing the internal suffering of the bully, sending love, and also doing what I needed to do to take care of myself, I haven’t been one to take an activist stance and fight back, unless my family or myself were in danger. I’ve chosen, out of simply feeling what my intuitive knowing was telling me, to be the owl high in the tree, watching the unravelling of events in the bully’s life, and at times sincerely felt sad for them when the universe dished back the same energy multiplied.  Personally, I think this higher view allows for those intricate dynamics that we don’t know about to play out more perfectly in alignment with everyone’s highest good.  I’m less inclined to want to interfere with the genius of the universe.

More recently, I’m becoming acutely aware of this as the vibration in the universe picks up speed, and the wait is much, much shorter. I see it for myself as well as others. The benefit of being awake in this world is that when we screw up, we know how it works, and we can make amends as well as do other spiritual practices to smooth out the repercussions and heal the wrong before we get the slapback and it’s much softer. It’s softer because we have owned our actions and taken action. It’s softer because we were accountable to the energy dynamic that connects all of us as one.

There are still many of us who haven’t quite caught up, though. We can see it in the headlines. If you were to read the headlines as if they were the message from your Higher Self about how you’re doing today, how would your life be different? I think that those of us who know our internal landscape and are clear about our oneness on this beautiful earth are able to see the places inside of ourselves where we are still at war, and do the healing work necessary.

If each and every one of us were taking exquisite care of ourselves internally, perhaps the headlines would reflect that ramp up of love in the world. Before you begin to argue this point with a litany of reasons why it’s unreasonable and with proof that it’s a false idea, consider the possibility of love as a healing agent more powerful than any energy in this universe.

We’ve come a long way from the cave, baby, and it’s time to wake up. Gently, softly, I am whispering an “I love you” wakeup call.

The Spiritual Path of Business

October 12, 2013

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What do you want more of in your life?  Recently, I asked this question to a few thousand people, and the responses came pouring in.  More love, more money, more travel, and to know what one wants were the prevalent themes.  

When I originally posed this question, I was working on a program I’ve been creating and wanted to see which focus would serve the most people.  It didn’t occur to me that I had already been serving up what I serve up best, and that the people who were following me on social media were there because of what they found with me.  This single realization was an entrepreneurial epiphany on caffeine.

It’s true that an entrepreneurial venture is one of the most powerful incubators for spiritual growth.  When I first heard that statement, I didn’t get it.  Now, after years of enduring the white hot heat of entrepreneurialism, I totally get it.  Many transformations take place in honing all of the different aspects of a business, and everything in it reflect the person who’s creating it.  If one doesn’t continue to get their act together, the business will fail.  Oh yes, and only the heavy duty stick-with-it-ers win. This mix is a cauldron of personal growth and transformation.

 Giving up is not in the vocabulary of an true entrepreneur.  Changing, re-aligning, shifting ideas around, finding resources, finding information, working harder, working smarter, learning to balance, researching, delegating, laser-focused introspection, communication, team work, social skills, belief, dogged faith and determination, relentless self-inventory…these and more are all a part of creating and running a business.

What does this have to do with the question I posed?  In seeking to serve the most people and asking them how I could serve them what they truly wanted, I found out what the heart of my business was.  Years of being coached didn’t uncover this precious gem.  I’ve agonized over it, taken quiz after quiz, courses, read libraries of books, listened to videos, ad nauseum. But after all was said and done, the single most powerful step I’ve taken came out of prayer and meditation, and a deep desire to serve.

What were the steps I took?  First, I tried everything else I could think of.  When none of it offered my answer, I gave up and told Source to just give me a sign please.  Then I lived in surrender for a while.  I felt an urge to serve and put out a call in the form of a question to everyone I knew. The a~ha moment came only after I had given up my own agenda and opened my heart fully to serving others.  It’s happened before, but now I’m seeing the pattern and it has a definite flavor.

The places in my life where I have fully given myself to service, heart and soul, are the places where the richest gifts have come to me.  They’re the places where I had no expectation, and the gifts arrived like a universal, colossal Christmas of a tidal wave.  

Here are the things I’ve learned about how to run a successful business so far in no special order:

1. Show up regularly and fully.

2. Honor the concept of time.

3. See what is wanted and needed, and give that.

4. Have fun no matter what.

5. If it lights you up, it’s yours to do.

6. Put Source, God, your Higher Self, whatever you call It, first.

7. Banish negative thoughts and negative people.

8. Focus on what’s working and do more of that.

9. Live a healthy lifestyle.

10. Pour love into everything you’re doing.

11. Honor the people you serve.

12. Be willing to receive.

13. Always go the extra mile.

14. There’s no such thing as competition when the Divine is in charge.

15. Procrastination is a sign that it’s time to dance and listen to what your body needs you to know.

16. Every single thing turns out better if you pray first.

17. Love yourself.

18. Be very flexible and open.

19. Great support comes in unexpected ways if you keep your eyes open.

20. Give more of what you don’t have enough of.

 

 

Finding God In An Unlikely Place

June 25, 2012

What’s appropriate to you may not be appropriate to me, and vice versa.  These lines seem to be fuzzy with the boon in social networking and the consequent weaving of friends with family, extended relations, business associates, international reach, and the combining of cultures, groups, subgroups along with so many other factors.

It can be difficult when one person is sincerely finding something humorous, and another is simultaneously reminded of a tragedy, and yet another is just plain grossed out.  The reactions are as varied as snowflakes, and when awareness levels of one’s own shadow territory in psychologically as of yet untraversed terrain, then we see more public arguments than helpful comments.  In one sense, it can be truly enlightening, and at other times it’s outright horrible to witness, leaving one with a bad feeling inside.

Personally, I seem to have the good fortune of having surrounded myself with a plethora of conscious communicators, peacemakers, spiritually aware beings, and overall good natured folks.  On the occasion when I stumble on a blog or a youtube video where people of other segments of our culture are more prone to leave a blatant criticism, a blatantly off color remark, or a very graphic and obscenely crude insult, I’m left temporarily stunned.

I find I don’t expect it.  At all.  Sometimes I think I must live in this bubble of kindness where nothing (that I consider) negative pervades my pink peacefulness.  Yes, of course, I get my feelings hurt and I have anger and upsets like everyone else.  But, I seem to have gathered endless resources and learnings that I can choose in any  moment to take that feeling, dig deeper into it, and learn more about myself.  I seem to have made a choice to take everything personally, as in I am at cause and everything is a reflection of the conscious state I continue to strive for.

That said, even the seemingly crude and abusive things I come across are a reflection of something inside of me.  I own it all.   I feel that if I am willing to own it and dig around in it, see where I can heal it and forgive it, I am moving a tiny bit closer to my home, the place I long for…the center heartspace of what I call God/dess.

Connection As The New Trend

November 5, 2010

Women tend to seek intimacy in relationships because it’s how we are wired biologically.  One of the most common complaints I hear from women is that they can’t seem to connect with their partners at a deep level that satisfies this longing enough.  They tell me that all men want is sex, but they want the romance, the love, and the sensitivity to come first.

It all makes perfect sense that they are telling me this!  Nature sure has a sense of humor when it comes to males and females.  Men are wired to procreate first, find intimacy second.  They will visually seek the hardiest, most physically appealing mate because it assures that our race will endure.  Women actually have this instinct as well, but because they’re the ones who raise the offspring, historically, they are wired for relationship and bonding to ensure the community will assist them in this daunting endeavor.  It really does take a village.

The tides are turning, however, and the age of a strong and healthy feminine essence is at hand.  All over the world, women are beginning to feel a pull, an often uncanny urge towards the earth, their sisters, and their finally true purpose.  Men are feeling it too, and my intuition tells me that it’s the feminine side of themselves they are hearing tap, tap, tap on their heart’s inner knowing.

The good news for all of us is that intimate connection is the newest and latest longing.  Women may have always desired it, but in our age of screens, commercialism, domestication gone haywire, and media conditioning to violence as normal…it is the holes in our souls that everyone is longing to fill now.  The crazy fear frenzy of the news channels, the overly caricatured hyped up sitcoms, and the fast and furious onslaught of material overload has proven not to fill this void.  People are longing for one thing above all others, and that one thing is meaningful connection.  It can be translated into spiritual fulfillment, a deep purpose that serves the higher good of humanity, and many other great words, but in  my opinion it boils down to basic human connection.

We can find it by turning off the screens, sitting still in the quiet, refusing to answer the phone every single time it rings, and active listening, for starters.  The gift of true connection is one that is unforgettable, and that impacts in a way that ripples in its healing effect.  How many times have you felt truly and deeply heard?  I venture to say that you remember those few times vividly as precious in your life.

A relationship is its own being, a unique energy body that needs feeding, attention, and love.  To be in service to this relationship energy body is the best way that I know of to hone the art of commitment and growth…not very romantic stuff, but crucial to the creation of romance.  In other words, we must build a foundation of connection, deep listening, commitment to growth, and commitment to the entity of the relationship to even begin to expect the next level of true and lasting romance to enter the picture.

 

The practice of connection in our intimate relationships requires complete and full attention to each other.  It requires distraction free space, and a commitment to set aside our own agendas for the larger entity of the relationship. The best place to begin is with the tried and true exercise of taking turns being heard and listening, repeating back what you heard to each other verbatim.  Eye gazing is another fabulous way to build intimacy and connection, and specifically gazing at each other’s left eyes works best, according to behavior specialists.  Another thing to keep in mind is that women need romance first to feel a deep and romantic connection, and men need oxytocin from sex to feel a loving bond.  This is a quandary indeed!  I suggest some give and take here, and especially for women to begin to speak to what they need, find ways to relieve stress, and nurture themselves before trying to give more.  Exquisite self care is crucial before a woman can relax into all that a man has to give her. Connection is multi-faceted, but it’s the foundation of what will heal our world, our relationships, and our lives.  Of this I am convinced.


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