Posts Tagged ‘desires’

How Do You Handle A Bully?

December 31, 2014

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I wonder about the history of bullying. I imagine that in prehistoric days, being a bully was the way to be the boss in the cave. Totally up for info on that, but it seems possible.
Then came the days of the quick fix, when we had communities and villages, and the bully was finally pummeled by someone, thereby putting an end to the bullying, at least from that person.
Then came conscious communication, and the turnaround transition where the bullies were loved by those who could see the suffering underneath, and recognize their own internal bully, and quite possibly heal the dynamic of bullying altogether.
My dear friend, Judy Giovangelo has devoted her life to healing bullies, inside and out with her magnificent organization Ben Speaks, and so she keeps me awake and aware about this bullying topic.

There is, however, another fascinating slant on bullying that is more esoteric and takes an enormous dose of patience, and that I’ve practiced my whole life. It’s totally an inside job, while watching karmic patterns play out.

I’ve experienced and witnessed treatment from some people that shocked me and felt awful, but with prayer, meditation, and learning to love myself more, I’ve been silent, like an owl. Watching over years sometimes, just seeing the internal suffering of the bully, sending love, and also doing what I needed to do to take care of myself, I haven’t been one to take an activist stance and fight back, unless my family or myself were in danger. I’ve chosen, out of simply feeling what my intuitive knowing was telling me, to be the owl high in the tree, watching the unravelling of events in the bully’s life, and at times sincerely felt sad for them when the universe dished back the same energy multiplied.  Personally, I think this higher view allows for those intricate dynamics that we don’t know about to play out more perfectly in alignment with everyone’s highest good.  I’m less inclined to want to interfere with the genius of the universe.

More recently, I’m becoming acutely aware of this as the vibration in the universe picks up speed, and the wait is much, much shorter. I see it for myself as well as others. The benefit of being awake in this world is that when we screw up, we know how it works, and we can make amends as well as do other spiritual practices to smooth out the repercussions and heal the wrong before we get the slapback and it’s much softer. It’s softer because we have owned our actions and taken action. It’s softer because we were accountable to the energy dynamic that connects all of us as one.

There are still many of us who haven’t quite caught up, though. We can see it in the headlines. If you were to read the headlines as if they were the message from your Higher Self about how you’re doing today, how would your life be different? I think that those of us who know our internal landscape and are clear about our oneness on this beautiful earth are able to see the places inside of ourselves where we are still at war, and do the healing work necessary.

If each and every one of us were taking exquisite care of ourselves internally, perhaps the headlines would reflect that ramp up of love in the world. Before you begin to argue this point with a litany of reasons why it’s unreasonable and with proof that it’s a false idea, consider the possibility of love as a healing agent more powerful than any energy in this universe.

We’ve come a long way from the cave, baby, and it’s time to wake up. Gently, softly, I am whispering an “I love you” wakeup call.

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Why You Keep Getting Stuff You Don’t Want

December 7, 2013
 
Here come the holidays!  They’re right around the corner and as a woman striving to unleash her goddess on the world, how can you end up satisfied, filled up, and in a state of joyful pleasure this coming season?
 
I’ve been thinking on this lately as I release and declutter, feng shui and get clear about what I desire more of in my life.  It occurred to me that maybe noone else knows what I really want, and if this is the case, then how can they participate in the fun?  
 
We women are notorious for being coy when it comes to gifting, preferring to give rather than to receive, and hoping others, (specifically our significant others) can read our minds.  One of the best assignments I received when I studied with Mama Gena was to create a desire list and put it where people could actually see it.  It sounds simple enough, but did I do it? Not without discomfort and certainly not often enough.
 
You see, we have no one but ourselves to hold responsible when we want this or that fabulous sparkly new thing, and instead we receive another microwaveable heat pack for cramps or the same thing we asked for two years ago when we finally relented and told the truth.  Problem is, by now we’re over that gift and on to the next thing.
 
I don’t want you to think that this letter is only about what we can get, and how to get more material stuff.  I know it sounds like it so far.  The point is that to stretch our goddessly feminine muscles of receiving, we need to be willing to name what it is we want.  It begins with being willing to ask for the obvious, and then when we get more comfy with that, it spreads like butter into the bedroom, boardroom, and the world.
 
If we, as women, are going to heal the world, we have to heal ourselves first.  That means actually receiving the gifts the world wants to give us so badly, and taking responsibility for what we get.  We don’t get to complain if we get a lot of crap we don’t even want…because that will only attract more crap we don’t even want! 
 
The great news is that we do have the power to ask and it starts with tiny weights with only a few repetitions.  The muscles can build really fast, no worries.
 
Here’s some research for this week:
 
1.  Meditate for three minutes or more on this question:  What do I really, really want?
 
2.  Write it all down.
 
3.  Create a couple of lists with this information.  One list is your own private list of what you really want.  The next list is a bite-sized list that’s easily do~able by your partner or loved ones.  This second list will be POSTED on your refrigerator for ALL to see.
Just write:  “Stuff I Really Want” at the top and then number about 5 or 6 things you know your loved ones can deliver easily.  You can mention in passing that you realized noone knows what you want and you figured it would be great to let them know.  Leave it at that.  No pressure, no high expectations.
 
4.  BE APPRECIATIVE and express gratitude when someone delivers!!!
 
5.  Wait and see what happens and report back to me…I can’t wait to hear the details!
 
Enjoy playing with this exercise, and if you want more inspiration, come and follow me on facebook at Goddess Oceana fan page.  I post several tips and inspirations a week and would love to connect with you there.
 
~ Goddess Oceana

 http://www.GoddessOceana.com

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Embracing The Bad Days

June 26, 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One heck of a day I am having, beginning with powerful emotions surging from a very rough weekend of spouse in a strange mood-itis.  I’m so sensitive that it always hits me hard and takes me a while to recover, and he seems to react to my moods the same way, so we ride  nice big waves around here.  Some days I just chalk the whole mess up to our passionate Italian heritage.  Other days, I realize we are far more alike and sensitive than I had ever imagined.

It started with going to bed too late, which always sets me up for mood swings.  Then there was the fact that it was the first day of his huge successfulness in a brand new arena of career wins and the gifts and basking therein, and suddenly not only was I tired and emotionally worn, but I was hit head on with loss.  My choices, my sacrifices, my stubborn insistence on putting my child first before myself, and the endless windows of opportunities lost were all slamming me in the head.

Top that with reading a metaphysical book written by a woman who looked more like a man from a Victorian generation, about ego and serving others, with every reference to God in the masculine and suddenly I was having an internal war between my empowered, pissed off inner goddess and my good little conservative baptist inner child.  I set myself up with staring at my own failure at everything and wondering whether this spiritual path I had chosen was a big mistake.  Yup, I was a big, fat, lazy, inept, ungrateful failure.  Even this blog I was so excited about sucked.  My writing sucked.  I had no friends.  I felt fat, ugly, old, and opposite of fabulous.

While retching up my existential misery in successive Facebook status updates, I was making tortellini for my son and burned my arm on the pan.  Great.  I may as well just ensure my misery today and eat sugar and fat, too.  So I did.  Apparently, I like to go down with a big, hideous splat and then ricochet with a dramatic comeback.  Did I mention there was thunder and lightening and a brief power outage as well?

I have surrendered fully to this misery inasmuch as I know how.  Today, there is nowhere to go that is of any interest to me.   I want to hide my fat body in my too small for me apartment.  I’m in my own way and have no idea how to get out of it.  I’m so pissed that I don’t even care.  Every solution has a problem with it, why it won’t work, and a price that’s more than I want to pay.  Even no solution has a price, but right now it’s where I am and it still costs less than the calculations I’ve done on my standby fantasy of running away.  Nowhere with no solution.

I imagine you have a load of advice for me, and so do a ton of other people, and it’s all varied, some excellent, some peppered with spiritual cliche, and some empathetic, some not.  The problem is that none of it will help.  Did you know that it actually makes it worse?  The hardest thing for most people to do is to simply hold space and witness someone else’s brilliant process.  The best place for me to be is where I am, miserable, burned, regretful, frustrated, angry, jealous, grieving, and afraid.  I’ve learned it’s a good place to be and that the very best thing I can do is to love exactly where I am because the fertilizer down here is the richest thing happening.

Each individual has unfathomable wisdom and resource inside, and our egos don’t like to admit that someone may know what’s good for themselves better than we do, and we certainly don’t like to see the messiness that reminds us of our own “failing”.  When I rise, you can be certain I’ll be carrying some diamonds of wisdom, and that the simmering desires I’ve been sitting on will explode into a firework of new creations.

Trusting A Higher Power

June 24, 2012

 

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Lately, I’m honing my trusting skills.  Honing trust is not generally the way one thinks about it, I know.  Isn’t trust what someone else earns from you?  Well, yes, in a sense.  I’ve heard that said in several places, especially in relationship books.  When one partner strays (don’t you love that word?), it’s not only incredibly painful, but it can damage the trust permanently (and consequently the relationship itself)  if no one does anything to repair that trust, build it up with new behavior and accountability.  I’d like us to take trust and move it out of the realm of something that we just have or we don’t, into a skill we can strengthen.

 

In spiritual teachings, we’re supposed to just trust God implicitly.  I’ve had conversations with my little boy about this, where he’s upset about something and I suggest prayer and affirmations, and patience along with trust.  As he gets older, he doesn’t seem so keen on this idea of trust, and I’m wondering how to not only model what this looks like to him, but also help him to understand that an answer to prayer doesn’t always look like what we had in mind.  If we wait long enough, though, it always ends up being a greater gift if we’re wise enough to look deeper.

 

Sometimes in the moment, it can seem downright deflating, or it looks like God doesn’t even exist, the outcome can be so seemingly opposite of good in our eyes.  I can think of many times in my past where events most definitely did not fit my idea of a good time.  It’s like we’re all small children who think that ‘good’ looks one way, and ‘bad’ looks another, when in fact what we perceive as ‘bad’ is the very best spiritual vitamin we could have been handed.

 

Trust, to me, is a feature of faith, and in order to have miracles of synchronicity and beauty in our lives, we have to work at this faith thing.  “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Heb.11:1)  (Yes, I quoted the Bible, right out here in public.  It’s a shaky thing to do because I’m hypersensitive to those who’ve been traumatized by the hypocrisy and persecution of those claiming to be Christian, but I don’t want you to miss out on the creamy center because of someone else’s stale shell of issues.)  There’s a wealth of wisdom in the good book that we could miss out on if we allow misguided religious fanatics to get in the way of our soul candy.  About faith, though, Emilie Cady tells us that faith is an intuitive move.  Relying on intellect or physical facts will not get us the miraculous manifestations we desire.

 

So where does trust come into play?  Trust is the fuel in the faith mobile. The two qualities go hand in hand.  We have to take a leap that can feel terrifying, a powerful jump from intellectual fact finding to even skim the surface of faith.  Yet, it’s the most crucial ongoing quality that gets us the miraculous manifestations we are craving.  We cannot expect the universe to gather molecules and energy into one place in time, creating a desired thing, unless we have faith.  And when we feel that faith slipping, and begin to lose sight of our precious desire, the element of a powerful trust in a Higher Consciousness is the free tank of endless free fuel in the faith mobile that exists.


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