Posts Tagged ‘feminine’

True Love Terror

December 14, 2015

ripping heart

Women tell me about how much they want to have great relationships all the time.  There are articles all over the internet about how to find the man of your dreams and keep him, how to have a better marriage, and how to deepen the intimacy with your lover.

Many women talk about what their partner is or isn’t doing that’s making them unhappy.  They speak of the dream relationship they want, and they spend tons of time trying to figure out what they’re doing wrong, or what makes their man tick.  They contort themselves into emotional pretzels fretting about the other woman, or about how they can get their man to treat them the way they want to be treated.

This article isn’t going to tell you the answers to any of it right now, because I think I’ve stumbled on the one thing that no one is talking about.  This one thing is at the absolute core of all of this commotion.

You see, no one comes to me describing the terrifying act of opening their heart to a man fully and completely, allowing themselves to be so utterly vulnerable that they stop trying to attack him covertly in an attempt to control him so they can feel safer.

The one thing not many women are talking about is how terrifying it is to be deeply in love.  Because, I tell you in all truth, it is fucking scary.  It’s scary to think that this one man could leave you grief-stricken in his absence, your heart ripped apart and bleeding.

How can I be so sure of this?  Because even after twenty-five years with a rock solid guy, I found myself facing the deepest level of intimacy I’ve ever experienced.

I’d been training myself in vulnerability, the deepest surrender, setting ego aside, and putting our love first and foremost.  I don’t do things halfway, and I wanted the very best marriage I could imagine.  The nature of my work as a mentor insists that I live what I teach.  So, I wouldn’t be satisfied until I had plummeted into the depths of my man’s heart and felt a complete union of souls.

In order to do this, I had to drop every single barrier to intimacy I had acquired in my life, from trying to control him, to hiding my traces of shame, to allowing him to be right when he was right, to being willing to be wrong in order to put love first…the list goes on.  In essence, I had to stop emasculating him, even in the most subtle ways that were almost unconscious.

What happened next took my breath away.  Unexpected, incredible, magnificent love showed up.

When I trusted him completely, and told my core truth without unconsciously trying to hurt him first to make myself feel safe, he responded with love.  In trusting him first, he lived up to my trust and beyond.

Today, I found myself in tears expressing my worst fears to my beloved, all wrapped up in my profound love.  In allowing myself to be absolutely raw in my transparency, I experienced terror.  For the first time in my life, I was face to face with the terror of the deepest love I had allowed myself to surrender to a man in this lifetime.

And so I say to you, what’s underneath all of those challenges you’re facing in your relationship is most likely terror at what it may mean to love fully, completely, openly, and without a safety net.

What if you give your whole heart, your tender vulnerability, your whole life to this man, and one day you wake up and he’s no longer there?  What if you’re both elderly and he goes first?  What if you give up cutting him down at the knees with criticism and complaining, and instead get curious about what makes a man tick?

What if you surrender, throw up the white flag, and allow him to deeply love you…and trust him to catch you when you stumble?

~Goddess Oceana

Sensual Empowerment Goddess | Tantric Yogini | Shamaness Unlock the 7 Goddess Secrets every woman NEEDS

Why You Keep Getting Stuff You Don’t Want

December 7, 2013
Here come the holidays!  They’re right around the corner and as a woman striving to unleash her goddess on the world, how can you end up satisfied, filled up, and in a state of joyful pleasure this coming season?
I’ve been thinking on this lately as I release and declutter, feng shui and get clear about what I desire more of in my life.  It occurred to me that maybe noone else knows what I really want, and if this is the case, then how can they participate in the fun?  
We women are notorious for being coy when it comes to gifting, preferring to give rather than to receive, and hoping others, (specifically our significant others) can read our minds.  One of the best assignments I received when I studied with Mama Gena was to create a desire list and put it where people could actually see it.  It sounds simple enough, but did I do it? Not without discomfort and certainly not often enough.
You see, we have no one but ourselves to hold responsible when we want this or that fabulous sparkly new thing, and instead we receive another microwaveable heat pack for cramps or the same thing we asked for two years ago when we finally relented and told the truth.  Problem is, by now we’re over that gift and on to the next thing.
I don’t want you to think that this letter is only about what we can get, and how to get more material stuff.  I know it sounds like it so far.  The point is that to stretch our goddessly feminine muscles of receiving, we need to be willing to name what it is we want.  It begins with being willing to ask for the obvious, and then when we get more comfy with that, it spreads like butter into the bedroom, boardroom, and the world.
If we, as women, are going to heal the world, we have to heal ourselves first.  That means actually receiving the gifts the world wants to give us so badly, and taking responsibility for what we get.  We don’t get to complain if we get a lot of crap we don’t even want…because that will only attract more crap we don’t even want! 
The great news is that we do have the power to ask and it starts with tiny weights with only a few repetitions.  The muscles can build really fast, no worries.
Here’s some research for this week:
1.  Meditate for three minutes or more on this question:  What do I really, really want?
2.  Write it all down.
3.  Create a couple of lists with this information.  One list is your own private list of what you really want.  The next list is a bite-sized list that’s easily do~able by your partner or loved ones.  This second list will be POSTED on your refrigerator for ALL to see.
Just write:  “Stuff I Really Want” at the top and then number about 5 or 6 things you know your loved ones can deliver easily.  You can mention in passing that you realized noone knows what you want and you figured it would be great to let them know.  Leave it at that.  No pressure, no high expectations.
4.  BE APPRECIATIVE and express gratitude when someone delivers!!!
5.  Wait and see what happens and report back to me…I can’t wait to hear the details!
Enjoy playing with this exercise, and if you want more inspiration, come and follow me on facebook at Goddess Oceana fan page.  I post several tips and inspirations a week and would love to connect with you there.
~ Goddess Oceana


Killer Queen, Are You Ready to Dynamite Your Upper Limits with a Laser Beam?

July 12, 2012

She’s a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind


The line from this song is finally in the right time and the right place on planet earth, thanks to the futuristic super powers of Freddy Mercury.  Is your upper limit so shallow you can barely get your toes wet in the abundant waters of self love, empowerment, receiving, succeeding, or whatever else you desire? Or is it up to your knees?   I’m realizing that the tide seems to go in and out on mine depending on the time of the month and the season.  Inspired by an article in Forbes by Barbara Stanny,  I realized that my upper limit keeps moving up and down, and this is why it might be so difficult for me to pinpoint and break through sometimes.

As a woman, the cycles of the month have every bit as much to do with how I work at my business as anything else, and it seems to deserve some attention before it takes me down.  I used to worry about the possibility of having to work when I was crampy, bloated, and feeling miserable.  There was good reason for this, because I had a history of chowing down up to six Advil at a time just to be able to walk every month.  I would pray that my cycle would land on the weekend, because there was no leeway in my employment terms that stated I was entitled to two days a month off with paid menstrual leave.  My fantasy was that I would own my own business some day and schedule my life around that time of the month, and bask on the couch, do some deep and necessary dreaming, keep the rice pack warm, and sip herbal tea.

Now that I finally have my own business, I’m also in menopause and I never know when that time will occur.  I’ve tried for the last few years to schedule my life around it, to no avail.  When I have a big event, my cycle mysteriously shifts as if it’s an event seeking missile aimed at destroying every single attempt at a great presentation or an enthusiastic networking experience.  A force greater than my good intentions to stretch my upper limits is at work here, I am convinced.   It’s not necessarily bad, but it’s clearly vying for my full attention.

So what does Gay Hendrick’s famous upper limiting theory have to do with my period? It has caused me to consider that owning my vulnerability and surrendering to what is present in my life is actually a way for me to stretch my upper limit.  I see that I have this belief about not being able to function when I’m bleeding, but it goes deeper than that.  This is about stretching in a feminine way and not necessarily in the higher, bigger, better, super-sized way we assume when we think of upper limits, success mindsets, and goal setting.

The new paradigm of honoring the power of the feminine has taught me there’s an internal power I hold that I didn’t know about before.  It’s a capacity to go much deeper and to stretch down into the womb for intuitive wisdom.  Instead of raising the upper limit ceiling, it’s a trip into the antique basement. It’s a quiet, messy, stirring, chaotic, fierce power that’s been repressed for ages, and I hold that it’s time for us to own it, explore it, and agree with it.  Women have the capacity to see the future, know things we have no business knowing just because we feel it in our bones, and we have a force greater than nuclear power laying mostly dormant perched between our thighs.

I’ve spent the last decade target shooting with this power and I hit more bulls eyes every time.  Observation, research, and discipline hone mastery, so I’m well on my way to China via my basement.  Will I crack my upper limits down there?  I dunno.  One thing I can tell you with complete certainty, though,  is that simply because I’m a woman, I’m “…dynamite with a laser beam, guaranteed to blow your mind.” (~Queen)

If you’d like some help with honing your feminine power, go here and I’ll hook you up with a free introductory session.

Blissings & Blessings,


Nine Free Ways to Market Your Fledgling At Home Business

June 28, 2012

I didn’t start out intending to be an expert in home business.  It happened by accident, as I found my own creative outlets while I homeschooled my son as a SAHM for about 12 years.  Try as I might, directing my creative energies solely towards raising a child was like trying to herd cats.  Deep frustration, outrageously ornate coloring pages, marathon knitting projects, birthday cakes so elaborate they should have been shellacked and marketed as the newest mini home models, I found I was using crafts as an outlet to an innate entrepreneurial fever and it had to stop.

Inadvertently, I started using the internet to train myself in small business skills, with no funds whatsoever and no idea where to start.  Moonlighting as a home party consultant with a company that prided itself on intensive business education was the beginning.  I knew I needed something to do for work, and could only work evenings if I didn’t want to pay a sitter everything I earned.  So I researched which home party companies had the most potential for sales, and then interviewed consultants to learn what each one offered until I had enough information to make the best choice for myself.  Within two years, my part time career enthusiasm earned me a place in the top five in sales in that particular company, and it laid the groundwork for me to create the company that I have now.

Here, then, are my top nine tips for marketing on a shoestring, in no special order:

1)      Utilize Facebook to the max.  As a mother in a one income family, I had to find a way to reach out to potential customers and build trust in my offerings.  I knew I was really good at what I did, but no one else knew because I was hidden in the jungles of playgrounds, dirty dishes, a small town, and laundry.  Doing the tutorials on Facebook and actually following the steps was my only hope.  I learned how to connect by just jumping in, making mistakes and learning from them.  It also helped to see others making mistakes, like advertising on people’s walls without even getting to know them or learning if it was okay with them, which is like showing up at someone’s house and planting a hot dog stand in their front yard.  Yeah, they might not like that.

2)      Utilize Twitter to the max.  I’ll admit, this took me a bit longer.  I just didn’t understand Twitter because I found my way to it from Facebook land, which is quite different.  I wasn’t used to the tiny tweets, and I had a lot to say.  Also, the fact that I hadn’t done the tutorial from start to finish didn’t help.  It took me years to warm up to Twitter, but now that I have, my advice is to snap to it and do it.  It’s the best cocktail party happening, and crucial to business.  You can stay on track with what’s happening, learn amazing things from your competition, and make allies by buying them a few drinks (retweeting, replying with friendly comments, and recommending them to your friends on Fridays).

3)      Clean yourself up.  Yes, as a mother I feel I have a right to tell people to bathe, get a haircut, and wash and iron their clothing. If you want to be taken seriously, you have about 10 seconds to make a first impression, and in a photo online?  Less.  I have had pictures done for free with my cell phone and they still came out looking like I had just had a makeover, polished, professional, etc.  In our digital age, this can be done, folks!  It’s optimal, of course, to have a professional photographer use their equipment and know how, but use the best you have to start with.  If you don’t have the money to buy clothes it doesn’t matter.  The moms I hung with scoured goodwill and came up with some designer knockoffs that looked amazing.  It’s uncanny what one can do with some intention, a friend with an eye for fashion, and a needle and thread.  There is no excuse for looking like hell other than the terror of actually succeeding.

4)      Order free business cards. has great templates and you can be fairly creative in how you design them…all for free!  Hand those suckers out like breath mints.  If you have a good headshot, it’s nice to pay a few bucks to put your smile on the card so that everyone remembers you, but not absolutely necessary to start.  You can prioritize this as one of your first business expenses when you have a few clients.  The most crucial part of handing out a business card is to write down the contact info of the person you handed it to, and send an email to them pronto, telling them how nice it was to meet them.  Following up costs nothing and I spent one full year struggling before I learned this important tip.  People are busy, and unless you can make their lives easier somehow, the last thing on their minds is remembering some person who handed them a business card that’s lying in the bottom of their purse getting sticky from the raisins their kid didn’t finish.  The important thing here is to offer them what they need, not what you want them to buy.  Make. Their. Problem. Go. Away.  If they don’t have the problem that you solve, ask them if they know of anyone with that problem that they could refer to you.  In essence, ask them to help out a friend.

5)      Attend free networking events and be so much fun, and add so much value that the organizers asks you to speak at one of their next events. Offer the organizers a free sample, be interested in them and how you can support their businesses, and use your business card technique with every person you chat with.  Be the friendly person there, because there are others who are terrified and afraid to make the first move and they’ll be so relieved that you smiled and started asking them about what they do.  The key to being supported and promoted is to give what you want to receive without expectation of where it will come from.  This takes trust, and trust is so much more appealing then an energy shark that gets in your face and starts talking about themselves and is relentless about selling you something.  Be more interested in helping others and I promise you, the universe will reward you in spades.

6)       Google the experts in your field and in building a small business, and sign up for their newsletters.  Attend their free calls, take notes like your life depends on it, and then actually apply what they just taught you.  It’s amazing how much you can learn, because these people understand that to generate customers, they need to give great value.  The value in these calls can carry you all the way to your first customers and much more.  Keep a list of the ones you feel are most knowledgeable, who have the most to offer for your particular line of work and your needs, and set goals for yourself of whom you might like to hire to coach you when you can afford it.  Decide in advance whose business building course you’ll sign up for when you are making an income, and choose wisely.  Prioritize what you feel will propel your business forward the fastest.

7)      Give free samples of your service to some folks who will really benefit from it.  Yup, just give it away.  Do the job as if they are paying you top dollar.  Ask them kindly if they could write you a recommendation, and use it to build trust with potential customers.  Recommendations can be used on flyers, websites, can be tweeted…there are so many ways you can continue to recycle them, and they tell potential customers that you do indeed deliver what you promise.

8)      Build a free website on WordPress.  I like WordPress because you can easily incorporate your blog in your site, and if you take the time to study how, you’ll increase your traffic easier than most hosting sites.  I remember when I wanted a website so badly and knew I needed one if I was going to go anywhere in my business, but I had no money at all to hire someone to build it.  It took me months and was grueling to learn how to build it, but I was so intent on having one that I didn’t care.  Remember also that I had a young child I was parenting simultaneously, so I spent weeks and weeks of sleepless nights building my site because I couldn’t always do it during the day.  If you put your mind to it, you can do anything.  My dad told me that, and he was right.

9)      Blog.  This one took me forever to figure out.  I’ve started blogging daily now, and the results are profound.  When you share what you know, solve problems for people with your information, reveal your humanity, and continue to put yourself out in front of an audience, you are marketing not only your business, but you’re creating a friendship with potential customers.  At the very least, you will improve your writing skills and learn more about yourself and your business by practicing and connecting to other bloggers sharing information.  At the most, you will be visible with who you are and what you do.  The people who will truly benefit from your skills and gifts will finally be able to find you.

I hope these tips gave you some ideas on how you can improve your visibility and motivated you to keep taking the next step in your business.  Remember that there is only one you, and you bring your unique presence and gifts to what you do.  The world needs you, so don’t give up!

Goddess Oceana

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