Posts Tagged ‘holidays’

All Those Lonely Men

December 15, 2017

lonely man

 

“This is for all the lonely people.”
I saw an elderly woman in a waiting room the other day. She was having a great time chatting everyone up. At first, people were giving her the side-eye, wondering if she was normal or a bit crazy, talking to all those strangers as if she were there friend.
Soon, though, one person began to warm up to her and responded, and they started talking. Others looked curious.
After a while, everyone was smiling and relaxing more in their chairs.
The scenario struck me as familiar in how I tend to move through the world, fortunate to have been raised by a mother who treated everyone as if they were her children. She was outgoing and friendly, and really didn’t think anything of talking to people around her. With that role model ( and often included in the conversations as a child) I find that I am the same way.


During this holiday season, it saddens me to think of so many who have no one to celebrate with, or who are experiencing such deep loss or suffering that the celebrations around them only seem to compound the loneliness.


I heard yesterday from Dr. Christiane Northrup who was doing a video, that men are 4% more likely to commit suicide, and 50% of men do not have a single close friend to talk to (from the Mask of Masculinity by Louis Howes).

It was quite shocking to me, that number.  I began to think about how much easier it seems for many women to create community around themselves, with that gatherer mentality. So I’m wanting to encourage men to reach out if they’re feeling isolated.
I have the honor of men writing to me, in my line of work, who are sincerely expressing their feelings and transparently tell me of their struggles. I feel especially humbled that they courageously risk and reach out, in a culture that does not encourage emotional transparency in males.
I opened my work to men recently, because although women’s empowerment has been my focus, I now realize that my original purpose of healing the feminine does not preclude men, but includes the feminine in all of us.
This morning, I’m thinking about how all of us, men and women, can stretch a little further into reaching out with caring and sensitivity to others during the holidays.
After all, we are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Would love to hear from you in the comments.  What are some ways that you reach out or don’t reach out, and

~ Goddess Oceana

www.GoddessOceana.com

https://www.facebook.com/GoddessOceana/

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Tips for Holiday Survival

December 13, 2017

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Tis the season for making merry, decorating, standing in lines, ordering online gifts, seeing concerts and attending parties, and dreading the sadness, loneliness, and family madness.  So much emotional stuff is mixed up into our celebrations in life.

The question here is not how do we survive it, but how do we thrive and feel more alive in it?

You might think it’s cute that I suggest you can go beyond the monumental feat of surviving a family dinner during the holidays.  I’m suggesting it because we can only “achieve that which you can conceive and believe”, compliments of Napoleon Hill.  And that old cliche, if you shoot for the stars you might reach the moon.

So, let’s say you’re only up for surviving the holidays and all of the sadness that comes with them because you miss the loved ones who’ve passed, or you’re dreading being alone and isolated, without any family.  Maybe you’ve had your hopes and expectations devastated a few times too many and just want to hide from the holidays altogether.  I understand and empathize.  It can be pretty miserable when you’re feeling low and seemingly everyone around you is lighting candles and singing carols.

While I can’t get you from miserable to ecstatic in a blog post, I can give you a few tips that might make it all bearable.  From there you’ll have to be willing to imagine and believe in something better, an idea about the holidays that is different from the one you’ve been holding.

Tips for Going Beyond Holiday Survival:

  1.  Get out of yourself and see who needs something.  This is a simple one, but it’s tried and true.  It was my mother’s mantra whenever she would encounter me feeling sorry for myself.  Go and help someone, she’d say, and you’ll feel better.
  2. Let yourself have a pity party on a timer.  This one can sound strange if you’ve never heard anything like it before.  The truth is that when we try *not* to feel our feelings, they feel worse and keep us stuck in magnified versions.  So decide you’re going to give yourself a certain reasonable amount of time to feel those rough feelings on purpose and let them out.  Do it on purpose.  The caveat here is that you’ll want to make sure you’re in a private space, that you don’t lay your feelings on anyone else, and that you keep yourself safe.  When that timer goes off, have a plan for something you’re going to do that’s productive and get moving.  The pressure cooker of emotional release will renew your energy, and it’s good to have a place to focus it that’s a positive, uplifting one.
  3. Reach out to friends, or put yourself out there and make a friend.  It’s hard to reach out when you feel depressed or upset, but it’s healthier than isolating for days on end.  Create or get a little gift for your friend, or do something nice for them.  Even if it’s only to have a cup of tea together, it’s important to get yourself around some people.
  4. Practice non-reactivity.  See how long you can go without being in reactivity to the things that usually trigger you.  One of the ways you can achieve this is to begin a mindfulness practice.  No time like the present to start a new habit, right?!  You can look up some simple ways to practice mindfulness online, and you can also start right now by following your breath.  Focus on the breath as you breathe in, and then focus on the breath as you breathe out.  This is the most powerful way to get yourself back to your center, and to stop reacting.  It quiets the stories in the mind, which are where all of our reactions start and then escalate if we let them.
  5. Do one act of self care a day, minimum.  I used to balk at this advice to practice self care, because it just seemed too simple and I didn’t believe it could touch the kind of extreme emotional pain I felt at times.  When I finally stopped arguing with the idea and just put it into action, I was blown away by how powerful it is.  Doing things to care for yourself are so healing.  It’s really a way of feeling love towards yourself, and boosting your self esteem and energy.  Just do it.

These tips work whether it’s a holiday or not, but I think so much of the advice I see out there for holiday stress centers around how to shorten your to do list or shop smarter, etc.  The things that make the biggest difference, I have found, are the ones that shift our internal awareness and take the energy out of our mental preoccupation and into our heart and soul.

I wish you the very best life of your most treasured imaginings.

Happy Holidays,

Goddess Oceana

 

Why You Keep Getting Stuff You Don’t Want

December 7, 2013
 
Here come the holidays!  They’re right around the corner and as a woman striving to unleash her goddess on the world, how can you end up satisfied, filled up, and in a state of joyful pleasure this coming season?
 
I’ve been thinking on this lately as I release and declutter, feng shui and get clear about what I desire more of in my life.  It occurred to me that maybe noone else knows what I really want, and if this is the case, then how can they participate in the fun?  
 
We women are notorious for being coy when it comes to gifting, preferring to give rather than to receive, and hoping others, (specifically our significant others) can read our minds.  One of the best assignments I received when I studied with Mama Gena was to create a desire list and put it where people could actually see it.  It sounds simple enough, but did I do it? Not without discomfort and certainly not often enough.
 
You see, we have no one but ourselves to hold responsible when we want this or that fabulous sparkly new thing, and instead we receive another microwaveable heat pack for cramps or the same thing we asked for two years ago when we finally relented and told the truth.  Problem is, by now we’re over that gift and on to the next thing.
 
I don’t want you to think that this letter is only about what we can get, and how to get more material stuff.  I know it sounds like it so far.  The point is that to stretch our goddessly feminine muscles of receiving, we need to be willing to name what it is we want.  It begins with being willing to ask for the obvious, and then when we get more comfy with that, it spreads like butter into the bedroom, boardroom, and the world.
 
If we, as women, are going to heal the world, we have to heal ourselves first.  That means actually receiving the gifts the world wants to give us so badly, and taking responsibility for what we get.  We don’t get to complain if we get a lot of crap we don’t even want…because that will only attract more crap we don’t even want! 
 
The great news is that we do have the power to ask and it starts with tiny weights with only a few repetitions.  The muscles can build really fast, no worries.
 
Here’s some research for this week:
 
1.  Meditate for three minutes or more on this question:  What do I really, really want?
 
2.  Write it all down.
 
3.  Create a couple of lists with this information.  One list is your own private list of what you really want.  The next list is a bite-sized list that’s easily do~able by your partner or loved ones.  This second list will be POSTED on your refrigerator for ALL to see.
Just write:  “Stuff I Really Want” at the top and then number about 5 or 6 things you know your loved ones can deliver easily.  You can mention in passing that you realized noone knows what you want and you figured it would be great to let them know.  Leave it at that.  No pressure, no high expectations.
 
4.  BE APPRECIATIVE and express gratitude when someone delivers!!!
 
5.  Wait and see what happens and report back to me…I can’t wait to hear the details!
 
Enjoy playing with this exercise, and if you want more inspiration, come and follow me on facebook at Goddess Oceana fan page.  I post several tips and inspirations a week and would love to connect with you there.
 
~ Goddess Oceana

 http://www.GoddessOceana.com

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