Posts Tagged ‘humanity’

All Those Lonely Men

December 15, 2017

lonely man

 

“This is for all the lonely people.”
I saw an elderly woman in a waiting room the other day. She was having a great time chatting everyone up. At first, people were giving her the side-eye, wondering if she was normal or a bit crazy, talking to all those strangers as if she were there friend.
Soon, though, one person began to warm up to her and responded, and they started talking. Others looked curious.
After a while, everyone was smiling and relaxing more in their chairs.
The scenario struck me as familiar in how I tend to move through the world, fortunate to have been raised by a mother who treated everyone as if they were her children. She was outgoing and friendly, and really didn’t think anything of talking to people around her. With that role model ( and often included in the conversations as a child) I find that I am the same way.


During this holiday season, it saddens me to think of so many who have no one to celebrate with, or who are experiencing such deep loss or suffering that the celebrations around them only seem to compound the loneliness.


I heard yesterday from Dr. Christiane Northrup who was doing a video, that men are 4% more likely to commit suicide, and 50% of men do not have a single close friend to talk to (from the Mask of Masculinity by Louis Howes).

It was quite shocking to me, that number.  I began to think about how much easier it seems for many women to create community around themselves, with that gatherer mentality. So I’m wanting to encourage men to reach out if they’re feeling isolated.
I have the honor of men writing to me, in my line of work, who are sincerely expressing their feelings and transparently tell me of their struggles. I feel especially humbled that they courageously risk and reach out, in a culture that does not encourage emotional transparency in males.
I opened my work to men recently, because although women’s empowerment has been my focus, I now realize that my original purpose of healing the feminine does not preclude men, but includes the feminine in all of us.
This morning, I’m thinking about how all of us, men and women, can stretch a little further into reaching out with caring and sensitivity to others during the holidays.
After all, we are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Would love to hear from you in the comments.  What are some ways that you reach out or don’t reach out, and

~ Goddess Oceana

www.GoddessOceana.com

https://www.facebook.com/GoddessOceana/

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Stuck in a Rut of Depression

December 8, 2017

rut

Someone recently said to me that she wanted to “transcend the mundane” and felt she was stuck in a rut of old, unhealthy patterns and dysfunction.  I thought about times when I was stuck and how it used to play out for me, and how it plays out now that I have almost forty years of deep personal work under my belt.

There’s a very clear difference.  Thirty-eight years ago, I knew I was at cause, but didn’t have the tools or skills necessary to understand the nuances of how to pull myself out, other than affirmations and an image board, journaling, and self-blame.  Way back then, I wasn’t as clear about how to distinguish being at cause about my entire reality versus being to blame for my entire reality.

So blaming myself when I couldn’t figure out how to make things better was my recourse, and it would spiral into the most excruciating depression, hopelessness, and longing to just make the pain stop…even fantasizing about and then attempting suicide.

Somehow my will to keep learning and persevering on the path of various transformational modalities began to pay off, and I got better at finding strategies to get myself aligned again.  The greatest learning about depression for me was to own my anger, my rage, my upset, and master how to express my boundaries in a safe and grounded way.  Once I began to express my anger by making requests of others that honored my newly discovered boundaries, I stopped turning my anger towards myself.

This took time, practice, and mistakes.  I failed a lot, and then learned from the failures.  I made a little progress each time.  Life began to improve, and as I stopped making other people’s wants far more important than my needs, I became a happier person. That’s one small  example of how I overcame a debilitating rut.

The various skills I’ve learned over the years I’ve tested repeatedly, and I continue to acquire more.  Mostly, I’ve come to realize that I love to learn, and so I honor that by diving into learning whatever it is I find fascinating.  It just so happens that all of it is in the realm of spirituality, transformation, psychology, relationship, sexuality, and esoteric studies.

The ruts I see my clients stuck in most often are the ruts of people-pleasing, not keeping their word (a basic tenet for becoming more powerful is to keep your word), a habit of putting other people first and getting lost in overwhelm, and or finding an old pattern of behavior they’re stuck in and not getting the energy healing necessary to break free from it.  These are all ways in which we sabotage ourselves, especially as women.

The good news is that self-love is the super vitamin that can make all healing possible, and it improves our lives dramatically.  And so I start there, with daily practices that infuse self-love and self-worth that begin to lift a person immediately from whatever rut they’re in.  Then we get into some nitty gritty pattern shifts and healing work.

Whatever rut you’re in, begin with self-love.  You can start by telling yourself that you love you very much, each and every day.  It can be that simple.  Let that love into your heart and feel it wrap around you like a soft, warm blanket.  Do it often and out loud.

Here’s to Loving You,

Goddess Oceana

Message me to schedule a fifteen minute call to find out how to work with me to live a happier, more fulfilling life.  I help women connect deeply to their inner spiritual guidance and become the sensual, powerful goddess they were meant to be while co-creating their deepest desires with the universe.

Email me:  Oceana@GoddessOceana.com

 

 

How Can I Turn My Day Around?

June 20, 2012

The challenge of a bad mood, bad news, depression, or some upset faces all of us often in our lives, and many assume we are helpless targets just waiting for things to change again.  We go through life wanting this or that circumstance to be different so that we can be “happy”.  Many of us, if asked what happy is, cannot answer.  We’re stumped and silent, suddenly realizing that we have no measure of what “happy” actually is.  It’s a word that means better, doesn’t it?  It makes everything okay, right?  The problem is that if we don’t know what it is, we will never recognize if we have it.  Aiming for a target that is invisible, we stumble around shooting arrows at “happy” and wondering why we don’t get any.  It’s no wonder so many are feeling out of control, like life is a crap shoot, hoping someone has a magic prescription that will make it better.

 

We hope to win a lottery, because money seems to be the thing that everyone wants more of so that they can get more of what they want and feel powerful.  We think that if only we had this, or that, or if someone loved us more, or if we had more vacations, everything would change and this bad feeling would stop.  We numb ourselves out with tv, alcohol, and drugs or food.  We work harder, exercise more, and read more self help books.  There seems to be no end to what we’ll try to “feel” better!

 

Something subtle happens, however, when a person begins to experience consciousness.  That is, awakening from the robotic state of going through life on auto-pilot, accepting everything at face value, never questioning the status quo.  Through grace, at some point in our eternal existence as souls in bodies, we begin to emerge from the slumber in small increments usually (not always), and we realize that we have choice.

 

A typical scenario for awakening is a tragedy or loss, a sudden change that is unexpected, or an emotional crisis.  We were going along on automatic and without warning, someone we love died, or the truck hit our car, or we found out we had a terrible illness, or we lost our job, our livelihood.  That feeling of being without familiar foundation, without ground to stand on, nowhere to turn for relief, intense pain and suffering brings us to a deeper place of searching if it doesn’t destroy us.  We look for the meaning, we find support in places we may never expect, and we turn our awareness to the moment because focusing on the future isn’t always possible in times like these.

 

The things that bring us to our knees bring us to the moment.  In the moment, we can find strength we never knew we had, and a sense of surrender that will not be denied.  When we submit to what is, space opens up and things move.  Even in a moment of simple unhappiness over something more mundane and simple, if we are willing to allow the emotion and feel the sadness, anger, frustration, the emotion can flow and what is underneath it can be revealed.  Quite simply, allowing the emotions, rather than stifling them, is the direct pathway into wisdom, relief, and higher consciousness.  So let the tears flow…really feel…and in experiencing your humanity you will be freed.


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