Posts Tagged ‘self’

Beginner’s Guide to Falling In Love With You

April 21, 2013


I want to really talk to you today.  I’ve been thinking so much about self-love and how women just work and please and caretake.  You know, even when I try to write some very basic tidbits on how to begin to indulge in self-care, I run into women who can’t even wrap their minds around a few minutes of self-indulgence.

Someone wrote to me the other day and she was saying she really wanted me to expand on this concept.  She said that if a woman is so deprived of self-love that she has isolated herself and never gets out, where in the world does she start?  I told her that the fastest way to begin was to eye gaze.

It sounds weird, right?!  Eye gazing.  Like, what the heck is that?  And how on earth do you do it with yourself?  It’s actually a tantric technique, and Rumi, that world renown phenomenal poet of divine love, used to become enlightened.  He spent a full year in a room with his teacher simply eye gazing.  He emerged an enlightened being and wrote poetry that to this day touches the hearts of millions.

I tell people to eye gaze because it was where I began my journey to self-love.  Thirty-some years ago I couldn’t look at my own eyes in the mirror for more than a few seconds.  It made me so uncomfortable that I literally could not bear it.  Today, I could do it endlessly, falling deeper and deeper into blissful communion with my Self.  My Self as in the Divine that lives within, the gentle creature that embodies this Self, the vulnerable sweetness of my innocence and the compassion that wells up when I really see me.

So, for today, please try to look into your own eyes, even for 60 seconds.  Allow the discomfort to rise, and see if you can stay with yourself for a few more seconds.  See the tenderness that others see when they look at you. See beyond the face and into the soul, where, if you keep up this practice daily, you will meet the Self that loves you utterly and completely.

~Oceana LeBlanc is a women’s empowerment coach, tantric yogini, and shaman

Tips To Wake Up Your Relationship

June 29, 2012

These are some tips off the tippy top of my head this morning that will spice things up.  You can do these alone or enroll the help of friends, or you can forget about it and keep complaining that you’re bored, neglected, angry, resentful, whatever your gig is.  I have no attachment but I would like you to thoroughly feel your feelings first before trying any of these.  Feel them full out.  Trying to repress and deny them out of a sense of being good isn’t going to work, as it will only sublimate the emotions and they’ll end up coming out sideways later.  Instead, have your feelings in a safe, supportive environment, and then when you are fresh and ready to give something a try, give these tips a shot.

  1. Get naked and massage yourself all over with your favorite lotion or body oil.       Make sure it’s something that smells delicious and take your time, enjoying every stroke.  You may wonder how this will wake up your relationship since it’s about you.  That’s the key, though.  This is about waking up your relationship to yourself, which will show up everywhere else automatically.  Cool, huh?!
  1. Think of something you used to love to do that you haven’t done in a long time.  Remember how amazing it was?  Now get out your calendar and schedule time for yourself to do it again. This is refueling time where you will be filling yourself up with so much great attention that you will overflow the juice to the one you love spontaneously if you make it a practice.
  1.  Close your eyes and imagine yourself receiving some really wonderful texts or emails telling you how amazing you are, what you love most about you, what your favorite features are, how in love you are with you…and then quickly compose a short email to yourself saying exactly those things.
  1. Now think up four things you absolutely love and adore about your partner.  Write them down.  Text one to him in the morning and one at night for two consecutive days…or do one a day for four days, your choice.
  1. Write out ten things you appreciate about your partner every day for a week.  This single practice transformed my relationship in a flash.  Try it.
  1. If you are home before your partner gets home from work, make sure you greet him like you would greet a favorite friend.  After all, this person committed their entire lifetime to a relationship with you!
  1. Hard, introspective, advanced tip:  Determine the one thing about your spouse that is bugging you the most lately.  Now, get cross legged on a meditation cushion with incense, a lit candle, and some new age music.  Close your eyes and breathe through your nose, deeply into your heart space.  Imagine them doing the thing they do that you cannot tolerate because it makes you want to erase your wedding from time.  Now, instead of them doing it, imagine yourself doing it.  Look very closely at ways in which you do this to yourself.  You’ll most likely need to dig very deep for this.  Once you see how you do this, own it and surround yourself in a pink bubble of love.  Forgive yourself and send out angel waves of gratitude to your spouse for showing you what to heal inside of yourself.
  1. Last tip of the day…do something different.  If you never order take out, order it and make it fun.  (If you always order it, consider cooking a homemade meal).  If you never initiate sex, try it.  If you do everything perfectly, do some stuff imperfectly on purpose.  If you never finish anything, pick three things to complete and just DO them till utter completion.  Find something in your life that you can shake up and wake up and see what happens.

Would love to hear how these tips worked out for you. Remember, anything that wakes you up will wake up your relationship, because we are all reflections of each other.  If you have your own great tip, please feel free to share it with us here.

Goddess Oceana

Nine Free Ways to Market Your Fledgling At Home Business

June 28, 2012

I didn’t start out intending to be an expert in home business.  It happened by accident, as I found my own creative outlets while I homeschooled my son as a SAHM for about 12 years.  Try as I might, directing my creative energies solely towards raising a child was like trying to herd cats.  Deep frustration, outrageously ornate coloring pages, marathon knitting projects, birthday cakes so elaborate they should have been shellacked and marketed as the newest mini home models, I found I was using crafts as an outlet to an innate entrepreneurial fever and it had to stop.

Inadvertently, I started using the internet to train myself in small business skills, with no funds whatsoever and no idea where to start.  Moonlighting as a home party consultant with a company that prided itself on intensive business education was the beginning.  I knew I needed something to do for work, and could only work evenings if I didn’t want to pay a sitter everything I earned.  So I researched which home party companies had the most potential for sales, and then interviewed consultants to learn what each one offered until I had enough information to make the best choice for myself.  Within two years, my part time career enthusiasm earned me a place in the top five in sales in that particular company, and it laid the groundwork for me to create the company that I have now.

Here, then, are my top nine tips for marketing on a shoestring, in no special order:

1)      Utilize Facebook to the max.  As a mother in a one income family, I had to find a way to reach out to potential customers and build trust in my offerings.  I knew I was really good at what I did, but no one else knew because I was hidden in the jungles of playgrounds, dirty dishes, a small town, and laundry.  Doing the tutorials on Facebook and actually following the steps was my only hope.  I learned how to connect by just jumping in, making mistakes and learning from them.  It also helped to see others making mistakes, like advertising on people’s walls without even getting to know them or learning if it was okay with them, which is like showing up at someone’s house and planting a hot dog stand in their front yard.  Yeah, they might not like that.

2)      Utilize Twitter to the max.  I’ll admit, this took me a bit longer.  I just didn’t understand Twitter because I found my way to it from Facebook land, which is quite different.  I wasn’t used to the tiny tweets, and I had a lot to say.  Also, the fact that I hadn’t done the tutorial from start to finish didn’t help.  It took me years to warm up to Twitter, but now that I have, my advice is to snap to it and do it.  It’s the best cocktail party happening, and crucial to business.  You can stay on track with what’s happening, learn amazing things from your competition, and make allies by buying them a few drinks (retweeting, replying with friendly comments, and recommending them to your friends on Fridays).

3)      Clean yourself up.  Yes, as a mother I feel I have a right to tell people to bathe, get a haircut, and wash and iron their clothing. If you want to be taken seriously, you have about 10 seconds to make a first impression, and in a photo online?  Less.  I have had pictures done for free with my cell phone and they still came out looking like I had just had a makeover, polished, professional, etc.  In our digital age, this can be done, folks!  It’s optimal, of course, to have a professional photographer use their equipment and know how, but use the best you have to start with.  If you don’t have the money to buy clothes it doesn’t matter.  The moms I hung with scoured goodwill and came up with some designer knockoffs that looked amazing.  It’s uncanny what one can do with some intention, a friend with an eye for fashion, and a needle and thread.  There is no excuse for looking like hell other than the terror of actually succeeding.

4)      Order free business cards. has great templates and you can be fairly creative in how you design them…all for free!  Hand those suckers out like breath mints.  If you have a good headshot, it’s nice to pay a few bucks to put your smile on the card so that everyone remembers you, but not absolutely necessary to start.  You can prioritize this as one of your first business expenses when you have a few clients.  The most crucial part of handing out a business card is to write down the contact info of the person you handed it to, and send an email to them pronto, telling them how nice it was to meet them.  Following up costs nothing and I spent one full year struggling before I learned this important tip.  People are busy, and unless you can make their lives easier somehow, the last thing on their minds is remembering some person who handed them a business card that’s lying in the bottom of their purse getting sticky from the raisins their kid didn’t finish.  The important thing here is to offer them what they need, not what you want them to buy.  Make. Their. Problem. Go. Away.  If they don’t have the problem that you solve, ask them if they know of anyone with that problem that they could refer to you.  In essence, ask them to help out a friend.

5)      Attend free networking events and be so much fun, and add so much value that the organizers asks you to speak at one of their next events. Offer the organizers a free sample, be interested in them and how you can support their businesses, and use your business card technique with every person you chat with.  Be the friendly person there, because there are others who are terrified and afraid to make the first move and they’ll be so relieved that you smiled and started asking them about what they do.  The key to being supported and promoted is to give what you want to receive without expectation of where it will come from.  This takes trust, and trust is so much more appealing then an energy shark that gets in your face and starts talking about themselves and is relentless about selling you something.  Be more interested in helping others and I promise you, the universe will reward you in spades.

6)       Google the experts in your field and in building a small business, and sign up for their newsletters.  Attend their free calls, take notes like your life depends on it, and then actually apply what they just taught you.  It’s amazing how much you can learn, because these people understand that to generate customers, they need to give great value.  The value in these calls can carry you all the way to your first customers and much more.  Keep a list of the ones you feel are most knowledgeable, who have the most to offer for your particular line of work and your needs, and set goals for yourself of whom you might like to hire to coach you when you can afford it.  Decide in advance whose business building course you’ll sign up for when you are making an income, and choose wisely.  Prioritize what you feel will propel your business forward the fastest.

7)      Give free samples of your service to some folks who will really benefit from it.  Yup, just give it away.  Do the job as if they are paying you top dollar.  Ask them kindly if they could write you a recommendation, and use it to build trust with potential customers.  Recommendations can be used on flyers, websites, can be tweeted…there are so many ways you can continue to recycle them, and they tell potential customers that you do indeed deliver what you promise.

8)      Build a free website on WordPress.  I like WordPress because you can easily incorporate your blog in your site, and if you take the time to study how, you’ll increase your traffic easier than most hosting sites.  I remember when I wanted a website so badly and knew I needed one if I was going to go anywhere in my business, but I had no money at all to hire someone to build it.  It took me months and was grueling to learn how to build it, but I was so intent on having one that I didn’t care.  Remember also that I had a young child I was parenting simultaneously, so I spent weeks and weeks of sleepless nights building my site because I couldn’t always do it during the day.  If you put your mind to it, you can do anything.  My dad told me that, and he was right.

9)      Blog.  This one took me forever to figure out.  I’ve started blogging daily now, and the results are profound.  When you share what you know, solve problems for people with your information, reveal your humanity, and continue to put yourself out in front of an audience, you are marketing not only your business, but you’re creating a friendship with potential customers.  At the very least, you will improve your writing skills and learn more about yourself and your business by practicing and connecting to other bloggers sharing information.  At the most, you will be visible with who you are and what you do.  The people who will truly benefit from your skills and gifts will finally be able to find you.

I hope these tips gave you some ideas on how you can improve your visibility and motivated you to keep taking the next step in your business.  Remember that there is only one you, and you bring your unique presence and gifts to what you do.  The world needs you, so don’t give up!

Goddess Oceana

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