Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

Speechless During Sex?

January 18, 2016

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Let’s get down to business, shall we?

Your pleasure plays a huge role in how empowered you are.  My mission is to teach you how to be a goddess, and goddesses are powerful.  One of the myriad teachings I share is how to live a pleasure-filled life, bask in sensuality, and enjoy the incredible benefits that come from such a badass lifestyle.

Before I became an empowered goddess, I was a shy, mute, lovely and good girl.  Unskilled and inexperienced sexually, I naively hoped for the best and mostly got the worst.  In those days, the only information available was in the few books we could find on the subject, magazines, and word of mouth.  All of it was sadly lacking, and we were hugely misinformed.

A big part of my awakening sexually happened when I discovered vibrators.  It changed my life.  Suddenly I was feeling things I hadn’t known I could feel.  In short, self pleasure became the key to understanding my body and in showing my lover what worked for me.  Years later, I became a sex educator for a well-known toy consultancy, and one of the themes we found most beneficial for women was teaching them that self pleasure is the key, in fact, to all women’s success in having optimal pleasure with lovers.

Many types of empowerment and sexuality trainings  later, what emerged was another aha… the absolute necessity of certain types of communication in bed.  Yes, we hear it and read it everywhere, but I have an idea that not everyone actually practices it.  Nor do they know how.

Here are a couple of tips on successful pleasuring communication:

  • Practice speaking up every time something feels good with describing exactly when and what, even if you don’t feel confident in doing so at first.  (Practice, practice, practice).
  • If something is not to your liking, instead of just laying a complaint on your partner, keep the passion flowing by first saying what did feel good or what you do like about them or what they’re doing, and follow with requesting what you want more of or  want different.
  • Keep breathing.  Holding your breath (which many do unconsciously when they’re revved up) constricts energy, inhibits communication, and freezes the response.  Just remember to breathe, and if you notice you stopped, start again with slower, longer breaths.  Short, shallow breath can also shorten orgasm.  Long, conscious breathing prolongs pleasure. Breathing can also be a way of communicating.  Even if we don’t realize it, we sense so much from another’s breathing patterns.
  • If all else fails, ask your lover to receive, and show them what you like by touching them they way you wish to be touched, kissed, or stroked.

Speaking up in bed can be so scary for some women, especially if past abuse or trauma is present.  Be gentle with yourself and start slowly, and celebrate every successful communication, no matter how small it may seem.  One tiny step at a time, over time, will reap huge rewards, I promise.

Juicy Goddess Blessings,

Goddess Oceana

Sensual Empowerment Goddess | Tantric Yogini | Shamaness Unlock the 7 Goddess Secrets every woman NEEDS

 

Are You Too Much, Not Enough, Or Just Plain Confused?

June 30, 2015

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Do you shrink yourself to be more pleasing?

Do you go blank when someone asks you what you want, or make something up in hopes it will turn out well?

Are you confused about why men don’t seem attracted to you, or do you miss the signals?

You’re not alone, sister.  So many of us are stymied by the crazy mixed messages we are bombarded with from the media, and even more importantly, by the way we’ve been trained to be silent, appeasing, and people pleasing.  It becomes a habit based in fear and self-preservation.

You don’t need this habit, but wow does it take hold when it’s reinforced by attitudes in the culture, commercials, and good old-fashioned female oppression.

The truth is that you are never too much, you’re always enough, and you know way more than you give yourself credit for, you goddess!  But how are you supposed to tap into this type of confidence, courage and savvy?

This is my specialty, and I have been through it for decades until I figured it out.  I was the ultimate people pleaser, good girl, quiet and polite lady who spent a whole lot of time battling depression, failed relationships, a failed marriage, and even abuse and rape.

My journey to wholeness began  very slowly, years before I realized I had a problem.  I was training in Law of Attraction and spiritual mysticism early on in my teens, and started my passion for attending transformational workshops in my twenties.  But it wasn’t enough to wipe out the low self-worth I was battling.  Brilliant teachings and trainings were wonderful, and I benefitted immensely, but they didn’t change the deepest core of my particular emotional and mental wounding.

The process of healing took me three decades and was a relentless search on my part, healing layer after layer after layer.  I went through what I would call a spiritual death in my early forties, and the journey back from that was through my ongoing intensive training in the Divine Feminine mysteries, wisewoman teachings, shamanic trainings, and decades of practicing tantric yoga.

I believe there is a reason for everything we experience, and that the soul is imbued with a Divine Plan in collaboration with our inherent desires for ecstasy.

What I offer you now as an elder is the full scope of all that I’ve learned and practiced over my lifetime.  One method doesn’t work for everyone, as you are a unique and wondrous creature with a path as intricate and distinct as a snowflake.  Every individual has their own story to be lived and liberated into an enlightened legend, and for most of us, the support and guidance of a wise teacher with many experiences and an array of skills is necessary.

My passion is to dive deep with women and peer into their souls, support them to fulfill their Divine Destiny with joy, love, and sensuality as their inherent birthright.

Blissings & Blessings,

Goddess Oceana

Goddess Oceana is a certified Tantric Yoga Teacher, Shaman, and Women’s Empowerment Coach. If you’re a woman who wants to embrace your inner power to attract and create more money, and become a magnet to more positive relationships, go here for the free series, The Seven Goddess Secrets Every Modern Woman Must Know To Live In Passionate Pleasure now.

 

Killer Queen, Are You Ready to Dynamite Your Upper Limits with a Laser Beam?

July 12, 2012

She’s a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

~Queen

The line from this song is finally in the right time and the right place on planet earth, thanks to the futuristic super powers of Freddy Mercury.  Is your upper limit so shallow you can barely get your toes wet in the abundant waters of self love, empowerment, receiving, succeeding, or whatever else you desire? Or is it up to your knees?   I’m realizing that the tide seems to go in and out on mine depending on the time of the month and the season.  Inspired by an article in Forbes by Barbara Stanny,  I realized that my upper limit keeps moving up and down, and this is why it might be so difficult for me to pinpoint and break through sometimes.

As a woman, the cycles of the month have every bit as much to do with how I work at my business as anything else, and it seems to deserve some attention before it takes me down.  I used to worry about the possibility of having to work when I was crampy, bloated, and feeling miserable.  There was good reason for this, because I had a history of chowing down up to six Advil at a time just to be able to walk every month.  I would pray that my cycle would land on the weekend, because there was no leeway in my employment terms that stated I was entitled to two days a month off with paid menstrual leave.  My fantasy was that I would own my own business some day and schedule my life around that time of the month, and bask on the couch, do some deep and necessary dreaming, keep the rice pack warm, and sip herbal tea.

Now that I finally have my own business, I’m also in menopause and I never know when that time will occur.  I’ve tried for the last few years to schedule my life around it, to no avail.  When I have a big event, my cycle mysteriously shifts as if it’s an event seeking missile aimed at destroying every single attempt at a great presentation or an enthusiastic networking experience.  A force greater than my good intentions to stretch my upper limits is at work here, I am convinced.   It’s not necessarily bad, but it’s clearly vying for my full attention.

So what does Gay Hendrick’s famous upper limiting theory have to do with my period? It has caused me to consider that owning my vulnerability and surrendering to what is present in my life is actually a way for me to stretch my upper limit.  I see that I have this belief about not being able to function when I’m bleeding, but it goes deeper than that.  This is about stretching in a feminine way and not necessarily in the higher, bigger, better, super-sized way we assume when we think of upper limits, success mindsets, and goal setting.

The new paradigm of honoring the power of the feminine has taught me there’s an internal power I hold that I didn’t know about before.  It’s a capacity to go much deeper and to stretch down into the womb for intuitive wisdom.  Instead of raising the upper limit ceiling, it’s a trip into the antique basement. It’s a quiet, messy, stirring, chaotic, fierce power that’s been repressed for ages, and I hold that it’s time for us to own it, explore it, and agree with it.  Women have the capacity to see the future, know things we have no business knowing just because we feel it in our bones, and we have a force greater than nuclear power laying mostly dormant perched between our thighs.

I’ve spent the last decade target shooting with this power and I hit more bulls eyes every time.  Observation, research, and discipline hone mastery, so I’m well on my way to China via my basement.  Will I crack my upper limits down there?  I dunno.  One thing I can tell you with complete certainty, though,  is that simply because I’m a woman, I’m “…dynamite with a laser beam, guaranteed to blow your mind.” (~Queen)

If you’d like some help with honing your feminine power, go here and I’ll hook you up with a free introductory session.

Blissings & Blessings,

Oceana

http://www.goddessoceana.com

http://www.forbes.com/sites/barbarastanny/2012/07/11/the-1-reason-we-self-sabotage/

http://www.thebigleap.net/

http://www.musictory.com/music/Queen

Tips To Wake Up Your Relationship

June 29, 2012

These are some tips off the tippy top of my head this morning that will spice things up.  You can do these alone or enroll the help of friends, or you can forget about it and keep complaining that you’re bored, neglected, angry, resentful, whatever your gig is.  I have no attachment but I would like you to thoroughly feel your feelings first before trying any of these.  Feel them full out.  Trying to repress and deny them out of a sense of being good isn’t going to work, as it will only sublimate the emotions and they’ll end up coming out sideways later.  Instead, have your feelings in a safe, supportive environment, and then when you are fresh and ready to give something a try, give these tips a shot.

  1. Get naked and massage yourself all over with your favorite lotion or body oil.       Make sure it’s something that smells delicious and take your time, enjoying every stroke.  You may wonder how this will wake up your relationship since it’s about you.  That’s the key, though.  This is about waking up your relationship to yourself, which will show up everywhere else automatically.  Cool, huh?!
  1. Think of something you used to love to do that you haven’t done in a long time.  Remember how amazing it was?  Now get out your calendar and schedule time for yourself to do it again. This is refueling time where you will be filling yourself up with so much great attention that you will overflow the juice to the one you love spontaneously if you make it a practice.
  1.  Close your eyes and imagine yourself receiving some really wonderful texts or emails telling you how amazing you are, what you love most about you, what your favorite features are, how in love you are with you…and then quickly compose a short email to yourself saying exactly those things.
  1. Now think up four things you absolutely love and adore about your partner.  Write them down.  Text one to him in the morning and one at night for two consecutive days…or do one a day for four days, your choice.
  1. Write out ten things you appreciate about your partner every day for a week.  This single practice transformed my relationship in a flash.  Try it.
  1. If you are home before your partner gets home from work, make sure you greet him like you would greet a favorite friend.  After all, this person committed their entire lifetime to a relationship with you!
  1. Hard, introspective, advanced tip:  Determine the one thing about your spouse that is bugging you the most lately.  Now, get cross legged on a meditation cushion with incense, a lit candle, and some new age music.  Close your eyes and breathe through your nose, deeply into your heart space.  Imagine them doing the thing they do that you cannot tolerate because it makes you want to erase your wedding from time.  Now, instead of them doing it, imagine yourself doing it.  Look very closely at ways in which you do this to yourself.  You’ll most likely need to dig very deep for this.  Once you see how you do this, own it and surround yourself in a pink bubble of love.  Forgive yourself and send out angel waves of gratitude to your spouse for showing you what to heal inside of yourself.
  1. Last tip of the day…do something different.  If you never order take out, order it and make it fun.  (If you always order it, consider cooking a homemade meal).  If you never initiate sex, try it.  If you do everything perfectly, do some stuff imperfectly on purpose.  If you never finish anything, pick three things to complete and just DO them till utter completion.  Find something in your life that you can shake up and wake up and see what happens.

Would love to hear how these tips worked out for you. Remember, anything that wakes you up will wake up your relationship, because we are all reflections of each other.  If you have your own great tip, please feel free to share it with us here.

Goddess Oceana

http://www.goddessoceana.com

What’s The Big Deal About Gratitude?

December 11, 2010

There’s a lot of talk about gratitude these days, from Oprah to books on the subject, to whole courses on the topic.  I have wondered if I could define the role gratitude plays in happiness, and until now I was confused about how to explain it.

A long time ago,  I did a course where a piece of our homework for one month was to write a thousand gratitudes.  I wrote and I wrote, and then I found myself stymied, thinking that I had run out of them after a few hundred.  It occurred to me that there were things so small that I took for granted, like eyelashes or pebbles, and for a few pages my list became hyper-focused on the tiniest stuff of life.

An amazing thing happened as I continued with the process…you’ve probably guessed it…I began to see my life through new eyes.  Every thing from the fact that I could breathe to the glass in my windows, from someone saying good morning to having a clean sheet of paper to write on…it all began to take on a new and incredible magic.  What was once neglected was suddenly my reason for rejoicing, and my joy grew.  My appreciation of life grew, and the appreciation was seemingly contagious.  People smiled at me more, gifts came my way, and money began to flow into my life more easefully.

It wasn’t all rosy, though.  There were still the things in life that irritated me, the people that annoyed or upset me, and the physical maladies that can sometimes plague us all.  But through my practice of gratitude, these upsetting parts of life became more tolerable, more manageable, and passed more quickly.

It is truly a practice, this thing called gratitude.  It’s not our normal training as humans to look for the good, to find a reason to be ecstatic, or to see a challenge or tragedy as cause for celebration.  It’s a discipline for someone seeking mastery or enlightenment.

Mastery and enlightenment require a diligence in the face of contraction from aliveness.  Breathing, which is the energy of the life force animating the flesh suits we acquire at birth, is excellent training for this practice of enlightenment.  We breathe in…expand into life and love…and we exhale…contracting into the letting go of life, or dying…expanding and contracting.  Our very existence trains us to be masters of many things including non-attachment.  Gratitude for life would mean gratitude for ALL of it…not just the so called “good things” we can weed out of the mundane we tend to focus on, but even what we may deem “bad” or “undesirable”.

My gratitudes began to take a turn somewhere in the middle towards the end of a thousand.  I found that I wasn’t just grateful for the people who made me smile and feel warm and fuzzy, but I was downright on my knees grateful for those who pissed me off, who irritated my expectations, and who reflected the parts of myself I’d rather not look at.  I was grateful for pain…which had previously been something I avoided at all costs…because pain let me know I was alive, and pain was such a fantastic backdrop for pleasure.  I was grateful for the all of life, not just the tiny gratitudes that had poured from  my pen in a desperate attempt to complete the assignment.  My journey of a thousand gratitudes did not stop that year…or ever.  I carry that particular gratitude exercise, given to me by a true master of enlightenment, to this day with a profound gratitude to her and to the lessons of living life with my heart wide open.

Connection As The New Trend

November 5, 2010

Women tend to seek intimacy in relationships because it’s how we are wired biologically.  One of the most common complaints I hear from women is that they can’t seem to connect with their partners at a deep level that satisfies this longing enough.  They tell me that all men want is sex, but they want the romance, the love, and the sensitivity to come first.

It all makes perfect sense that they are telling me this!  Nature sure has a sense of humor when it comes to males and females.  Men are wired to procreate first, find intimacy second.  They will visually seek the hardiest, most physically appealing mate because it assures that our race will endure.  Women actually have this instinct as well, but because they’re the ones who raise the offspring, historically, they are wired for relationship and bonding to ensure the community will assist them in this daunting endeavor.  It really does take a village.

The tides are turning, however, and the age of a strong and healthy feminine essence is at hand.  All over the world, women are beginning to feel a pull, an often uncanny urge towards the earth, their sisters, and their finally true purpose.  Men are feeling it too, and my intuition tells me that it’s the feminine side of themselves they are hearing tap, tap, tap on their heart’s inner knowing.

The good news for all of us is that intimate connection is the newest and latest longing.  Women may have always desired it, but in our age of screens, commercialism, domestication gone haywire, and media conditioning to violence as normal…it is the holes in our souls that everyone is longing to fill now.  The crazy fear frenzy of the news channels, the overly caricatured hyped up sitcoms, and the fast and furious onslaught of material overload has proven not to fill this void.  People are longing for one thing above all others, and that one thing is meaningful connection.  It can be translated into spiritual fulfillment, a deep purpose that serves the higher good of humanity, and many other great words, but in  my opinion it boils down to basic human connection.

We can find it by turning off the screens, sitting still in the quiet, refusing to answer the phone every single time it rings, and active listening, for starters.  The gift of true connection is one that is unforgettable, and that impacts in a way that ripples in its healing effect.  How many times have you felt truly and deeply heard?  I venture to say that you remember those few times vividly as precious in your life.

A relationship is its own being, a unique energy body that needs feeding, attention, and love.  To be in service to this relationship energy body is the best way that I know of to hone the art of commitment and growth…not very romantic stuff, but crucial to the creation of romance.  In other words, we must build a foundation of connection, deep listening, commitment to growth, and commitment to the entity of the relationship to even begin to expect the next level of true and lasting romance to enter the picture.

 

The practice of connection in our intimate relationships requires complete and full attention to each other.  It requires distraction free space, and a commitment to set aside our own agendas for the larger entity of the relationship. The best place to begin is with the tried and true exercise of taking turns being heard and listening, repeating back what you heard to each other verbatim.  Eye gazing is another fabulous way to build intimacy and connection, and specifically gazing at each other’s left eyes works best, according to behavior specialists.  Another thing to keep in mind is that women need romance first to feel a deep and romantic connection, and men need oxytocin from sex to feel a loving bond.  This is a quandary indeed!  I suggest some give and take here, and especially for women to begin to speak to what they need, find ways to relieve stress, and nurture themselves before trying to give more.  Exquisite self care is crucial before a woman can relax into all that a man has to give her. Connection is multi-faceted, but it’s the foundation of what will heal our world, our relationships, and our lives.  Of this I am convinced.

7 Romantic Ways to Rock Your Relationship

October 1, 2010

One of the ways we fall into a rut in our long term relationships is by ignoring the romance factor.  It’s not our fault, but it is our responsibility if we want to keep the sparks sparkling and the flame burning.  You may not want to hear this for various reasons, such as resenting the fact that you have to be the one to do something to generate it, or wishing your partner would take a clue from the fairytales and just BE romantic and charming.

The fact that you want to read an article like this one is very hopeful, though!  You have scored a big sparkling star just for your curiosity and willingness to entertain your imagination with ideas about romantic rockingness.  The prerequisite for the forthcoming effort is to acknowledge yourself for wanting to try.  Going into this endeavor with some compassion and love for yourself will magnify your results.  Cool, huh?!

Here are some surefire ways to rock it, roll it, and have a second helping:

1.     For a couple of weeks, decide that you are going to be generous and kind without the attitude.  You’re reaching deep into magnanimity and holiness, and you’re being kind because it just plain feels good in so many ways.

2.     Start treating your lover as a stranger.  Find this suggestion strange?  It’s actually a brilliant move.  Have you ever noticed how polite you are to other people publicly, but once you get home, the hair comes down and the taking your partner for granted habit takes over?  Practice being incredibly polite to your partner.  Use the magic word, and say thank you. Offer a bite first.  Say excuse me rather than “mooooove”.

3.     Get a girlfriend to swap romantic ideas with you.  Have a full out brainstorming session with each other and see how many new ideas you can each come up with.  Go home and try the ones you like best once a week for a month.

4.     Schedule (don’t groan, scheduling works!) an evening or morning alone with your lover.  Do whatever you need to do in advance that will make this time stress free, i.e. order out rather than cook, set the coffeepot timer on the night before, make sure the kids are at a sleepover or in bed already.  Tell your partner that this time is going to be for you to give your total attention to him to remind him of how much he’s loved.  Tell each other the top five things you miss that you used to do together when you first met, and then brainstorm to see how you can bring some of that back now.

5.     Give your partner a ‘love wash’.  This is not the kind of wash you think it is.  I’m talking about having your partner sit in a chair across from you and spending three full minutes telling him every single thing you adore, love, appreciate, cherish, and are grateful for about him.  Allow him to reciprocate if he’d like to, but don’t expect or demand it this first time.  You can tell him this is a practice session, and that you’d love it if he’d be willing to take turns doing this with   you daily for a week. Credit for this one goes to Harville Hendrix, superb relationship expert.

6.     Spontaneously chat online with your lover when you’re both on your computers.  There’s something very sexy and fun about writing to each other, and things are communicated that are sometimes difficult to say in person.  Send love notes and sexy thoughts, and plan a rendezvous for that night.

7.     Trade romantic setups with another couple.  Each couple takes a turn setting up a fantastic meal complete with wine, flowers, table setting, romantic lighting, candles, love notes, fresh sheets, beautiful massage oil, romantic music, and whatever else your imagination can cook up.  They get to enjoy just experiencing this amazing dinner at home complete with romantic touches, and then they set one up for the both of you at another time.  You’ll find you’re excited creating romance for someone else, and it gets you feeling romantically appreciative of your partner as well.

There you have it.  Even if you choose only one tip, you are taking the steps towards evoking romance, and even a drop of romance is worth the effort, wouldn’t you agree?

~Goddess Oceana, author of forthcoming book, Ecstatic Quotes From the Goddess, Empowerment and Intimacy Coach, sensual wise woman, and enlightenment guide.

http://www.goddessoceana.com

What Women Desire In A Man

June 25, 2010

Lately people have been asking me to give men an idea of how to relate to women.  In their words, they want to learn how to treat a Goddess.  I’ve put some thought into it for quite a while, and have come up with some basic pointers that I think every woman out there would appreciate, and that would also make a huge difference for men who are really trying to figure women out.

  1. Your Unique Gift. Knowing what your own gift is, what you bring to the world is a complete turn on for an intelligent woman.  If you are clear about what your strengths are, and have a desire to bring this gift to the world for the upliftment and betterment of the world as a whole, you are scoring some big points in the attractiveness sector.  For a woman to respect and admire the man she is with, there has to be something that he contributes to the world that is larger than the relationship.
  2. Acknowledgment. They want to be acknowledged deeply.  Learning to see a woman’s innate unique gift, and how to acknowledge her for it will be like a breath of fresh air for any woman who’s been waiting her whole life for a man with this ability.  A woman blossoms before your eyes when you shower her with genuine and authentic appreciation.  
  3. Trust. Most women are taught to be careful and safe around men…and for good reason!  There are too many predators out there taking advantage of unwitting women, and so knowing how to build trust with a woman is KEY.  Keep your word,  treat her with great respect, behave like a gentleman with good manners, and show her that you are caring for her in small ways.  Look out for her safety.  Also, if you’re going to be late, have the good sense to call ahead and let her know.  Imagine how you would want your daughter, if you had one,  to be treated by a man, and aspire to treat the woman you’re with with that same care.
  4. Connection. Women want a strong man who is self assured and has high confidence and self worth…who knows how to connect with her on an emotional and intuitive level.  This takes some practice for some men in active listening, repeating some of the things she says when she is expressing her emotions, and looking into her eyes.  It requires a type of listening where you are not thinking of what you are going to say next, but rather memorizing what she is saying so that you could repeat it back word for word…it’s hard work.  Trust me that if you can repeat back some of the important points of what she is saying, not only will she feel deeply heard, but you will find that you’re hearing things that you would never have heard about her.  You’ll be hearing things that will tell you how she wants to be treated, and this goes a long way in learning the road map to her devotion to you.
  5. Sense of Humor. A sincere appreciation of the joy and humor in life, and the ability to laugh at yourself without behaving like a child is key to finding a great partner and especially key to a lasting and joy filled relationship.  The kind of humor you display is crucial, as gross or sarcastic humor is highly undesirable.  These reveal immaturity and an unkind spirit, both of which don’t build respect or admiration.  Endearing humor is so healing, and a man who can lighten a situation by bringing the levity of gentle wit or happy humor is a gift.  Studies show that couples who laugh together stay together.
  6. Sensuality. Notice I didn’t say sexuality.  This is perhaps the most important thing to be aware of with a woman.  If a man jumps to crude sexual overtures too fast, he will receive either a strong slap or the woman will simply disappear, leaving you to wonder why she doesn’t respond to your texts.   Women operate in a completely opposite way from men when it comes to sexuality, and so the way to romance yourself into her embrace is to start from a distance with subtlety and plenty of time, very gently working your way towards her as she relaxes more and more into the security and safety of your authentic caring.  Understand that her whole body and soul are sensual zones.  A woman is a walking nerve ending whose purpose is pleasure, and if you simply focus on grabbing the most centrally arousing points first,  you will send her into sensory overload, otherwise displayed as repulsion, fear, discomfort, and withdrawal.  A sexual encounter in a committed relationship begins 48 hours in advance, with flowers and romance!  Imagine how much longer it takes in a new dating situation.  Just the way a man holds a woman’s hand can be foreplay, and this cannot be overstated.  Take your time and relish the experiences that lead to the culmination of love and trust built over time.  I realize that this is a new way of approaching sex in this day and age, but would you rather have a microwaved take out dinner or a skillfully crafted, five course gourmet meal?  Quality over quantity ensures longevity, and you can quote me.  Be the king she has been waiting for…the one who recognizes and compliments her inner queen.

Of course, there is so much more to explain and various ways to practice these skills.  Most importantly is not to approach all of this with a feeling of having failed thus far.  When women are empowered and taught how to express what they want, men don’t have to guess and they can come out winning.  The point is that for far too long, women have been told from a very young age not to engage with their sensual natures, and so they often don’t even know how to express what will feel good.  It is no one’s fault, and we can start from where we are right now.

If we can all be patient with each other and begin to learn new ways of engaging, open ourselves up to greater levels of compassion and hope, and approach relationships with authentic respect, the whole world will heal.  I believe that what women desire in a man is well within reach for most men, and that once the trust and respect are in place, relationships have a bright future.

Dishing Up Some Exquisite Self Care

April 28, 2010

What will it take, I ask you, to get you to slow down and put the oxygen mask to your own face? Why is it that we, as women, tend to leave ourselves last?  I know, I know.  You have a million reasons ranging from fear that ‘they’ won’t be able to care for themselves, to the belief that no one else could possibly take care of this situation as well as you do, to the ultimate one, that if you do let go and allow them to do it themselves, they’ll inevitably mess it up and you’ll have to then work twice as hard picking up the pieces!

Well, I have news for you, my cupcakes.  I am eating shrimp with brown rice and veggies right now, sautéed lightly in safflower oil, known for its health giving benefits.  What on earth does this have to do with it?  Everything.  It is a lunch prepared with love, some deep relaxed breathing, and a whole lotta will power.  It took immense will power for me to stop what I was doing, walk into the kitchen, and take the time to prepare a healthy meal for myself.  I didn’t want to.  I would have preferred to continue working and unconsciously slam down a microwaved, salt laden, chemically preserved tv dinner.  And I would have liked to follow it with a chocolate bar, a diet coke, and perhaps some potato chips.  Sister, I have deadlines, you know.

My preferred lunch would have me high, working away, feeling productive and like the world loved me because I was keeping up with my commitments in a timely fashion…at least in my mind.  The aching need to feel loved would be satiated with sugar, fat, salt, and caffeine.  We are all aware though, that the preferred lunch would also have me crashing in no time and reaching for more potato chips, some ice cream, or another aspartame riddled adult black poison bubbly juice (diet coke).  All of this for what?  For more production, more people pleasing, more feelings like I am in control of my world…for these illusions I sacrifice my poor body.

I am telling you that it is not just food, but so many other reasons, excuses and ideas we have that all boil down to one thing.  Programming.  Women in general are programmed to be pleasing, to put others first, to sacrifice, to continue to hold others higher, to delay or even forsake gratification, and to stay smaller so that we are liked.

Time and time again I see women who are magnificent, spectacular, and brilliant, and they’re running ragged trying to keep up with what is accepted in our society as norm…hiding their light, passion and hotness under a mountain of pressure.

So here I have the flashing red lights and the sirens to get your attention.  It is only by caring for ourselves exquisitely that we can truly serve the world.  You know that old cliché about mommy using the oxygen mask first so that she can then be alive to put the oxygen mask over baby’s face?  True.  Perfect.  It is absolutely imperative.  You need to put yourself first, first, first, first, first.  Let me repeat that.  You need to put yourself first.  And that baby?  It’s your inner infant.

This brings me to our topic today of exquisite self care.  It begins with a scoop of willingness to believe that it is possible.  Dripped over that is some soothing, delicious and warm attention such as a list of what you might enjoy.  I enjoy resting with a good book and a hot cup of tea, a walk in the sunshine, massaging some lotion onto my feet, or meditating.  This is a great start and with a pen, the list of possibilities begins.

The sprinkling of friends who are on the same mission is an added extra, and it’s free.  You can engage a few willing sisters to join you in this journey and ante up the beauty and joy factor on the planet by doing so.  And then the ultimate dollop of whipped up pleasure on the fun is an outing of your desire.  These could be made up of whatever turns you on.

Self care is fine by itself, but when you add exquisiteness to it, it becomes the thing of which goddesses, courtesans, and women of sparkling charisma are made.  To reach exquisiteness, you must stretch.  Stretching into purchasing silky luxuries to wear against your skin, treating yourself to a full body massage, or attending a ballet…whatever brings you into a place of pleasure.  The cherry on the top, my loves, is that when you have been willing to care for yourself, the world begins to adore you, respect you, want you, desire your company, and is willing to do anything for you.  Please don’t take my word for it…pick up your spoon and try some.

My Hottt Tips for Gorgeous Skin

November 25, 2009

People consistently comment on my skin.  They remark that I have hardly any wrinkles and my skin is beautiful.  Thank you Peeps!  I suck in compliments like a sponge and absorb as much pleasure as possible from each and every one.  I highly recommend learning to receive a compliment, as it is a true gift to the giver.

That said, I have decided to divulge my “secrets” for beautiful skin.  With a background in cosmetology, yoga, herbalism and aromatherapy…not to mention a mother who had a penchant for vitamin supplementation, I now give you the full monty on how I do it.

10 pointers from a tantric yogini that will keep your face dewy, fresh and lovely all winter:

1.  Drink plenty of water daily and take your vitamins.

2.  Never use really hot water on your face, only warm or cool.  Your skin will retain its moisture better, and besides, hot water is just too harsh.

3.  Eat your MUFA’s…monounsaturated fatty acids…flax seeds, avocado, olive oil, dark chocolate, evening primrose oil, cod liver oil, nuts and seeds.  Nourish your skin from within and get healthier while you’re at it.

4.  Retinol is the only stuff that has been proven to make a difference in diminishing lines and wrinkles over the counter.  When you use it, be sure to use sunscreen as well to avoid burning this newly sensitive skin.  You can purchase a retinol cream for about twenty bucks at the drugstore without a prescription.

5.  Vitamin C is key for gorgeous skin.  Find a vitamin C serum or cream and use it to continue to help the old skin cells fall away to reveal the fresh new skin underneath.  You’ll be amazed after only a few weeks at how much fresher and vibrant your skin looks.

6.  Once in a while, warm up some sesame oil after you’ve cleansed you face and gently massage in upward circular motions.  Deeply moisturizing and detoxifying, and leaves your skin oh-so-soft.  Also a great detox.  Use the organic, untoasted sesame oil, or try virgin olive oil, apricot kernel oil, or avocado oil if you want varied moisturizing and vitamin effects.

7.  Practice yoga.  Your circulation will benefit, your body will detox naturally, and the relaxation will unfurl your brows, causing less wrinkles.  Speaking of yoga, tantrikas know that a practice of self pleasure will keep your skin glowing and prolong your life.  Continue to work with the chi, folks.

8.  Do a weekly steam facial with herbs, a pot of boiled water, and a towel over your head.  Follow with a mask from the kitchen.  Avocado mashed with yogurt, or oatmeal or just mashed strawberries work well.   Eggs make great facial masks if you apply yolk first, let dry, and then whites over it and let dry.  My favorite one is honey with a drop of rose essential oil for intensive moisture.  Honey is a natural humectant and your skin will be softer than you can imagine afterwards.

Simple Beauty

9.  Sleeping Beauty was gorgeous cuz she slept so much.  Get yourself enough beauty rest, darlings.  Oh, and did I mention fresh air and sunshine?  That too.  Mother did know best.

10.  Last but definitely not least, try out some of my seriously gorgeous facial elixirs and bask in the exquisite sensory experience…essential oils are my secret to young skin.  Indulge in a special blend by me and put your best face forward!


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