Posts Tagged ‘sexuality’

Speechless During Sex?

January 18, 2016

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Let’s get down to business, shall we?

Your pleasure plays a huge role in how empowered you are.  My mission is to teach you how to be a goddess, and goddesses are powerful.  One of the myriad teachings I share is how to live a pleasure-filled life, bask in sensuality, and enjoy the incredible benefits that come from such a badass lifestyle.

Before I became an empowered goddess, I was a shy, mute, lovely and good girl.  Unskilled and inexperienced sexually, I naively hoped for the best and mostly got the worst.  In those days, the only information available was in the few books we could find on the subject, magazines, and word of mouth.  All of it was sadly lacking, and we were hugely misinformed.

A big part of my awakening sexually happened when I discovered vibrators.  It changed my life.  Suddenly I was feeling things I hadn’t known I could feel.  In short, self pleasure became the key to understanding my body and in showing my lover what worked for me.  Years later, I became a sex educator for a well-known toy consultancy, and one of the themes we found most beneficial for women was teaching them that self pleasure is the key, in fact, to all women’s success in having optimal pleasure with lovers.

Many types of empowerment and sexuality trainings  later, what emerged was another aha… the absolute necessity of certain types of communication in bed.  Yes, we hear it and read it everywhere, but I have an idea that not everyone actually practices it.  Nor do they know how.

Here are a couple of tips on successful pleasuring communication:

  • Practice speaking up every time something feels good with describing exactly when and what, even if you don’t feel confident in doing so at first.  (Practice, practice, practice).
  • If something is not to your liking, instead of just laying a complaint on your partner, keep the passion flowing by first saying what did feel good or what you do like about them or what they’re doing, and follow with requesting what you want more of or  want different.
  • Keep breathing.  Holding your breath (which many do unconsciously when they’re revved up) constricts energy, inhibits communication, and freezes the response.  Just remember to breathe, and if you notice you stopped, start again with slower, longer breaths.  Short, shallow breath can also shorten orgasm.  Long, conscious breathing prolongs pleasure. Breathing can also be a way of communicating.  Even if we don’t realize it, we sense so much from another’s breathing patterns.
  • If all else fails, ask your lover to receive, and show them what you like by touching them they way you wish to be touched, kissed, or stroked.

Speaking up in bed can be so scary for some women, especially if past abuse or trauma is present.  Be gentle with yourself and start slowly, and celebrate every successful communication, no matter how small it may seem.  One tiny step at a time, over time, will reap huge rewards, I promise.

Juicy Goddess Blessings,

Goddess Oceana

Sensual Empowerment Goddess | Tantric Yogini | Shamaness Unlock the 7 Goddess Secrets every woman NEEDS

 

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Enjoyment is Sexy

June 27, 2012

One of the most powerful ways to bask in sensuality is to be completely engrossed in a moment of sheer pleasureful enjoyment.  In fact, I would venture to say that it’s impossible to have pleasure if you are focused on the past or the future.  Pleasure is an in the moment, completely mindful and present state of being.

Oh, we can have thoughts of pleasure by remembering them or imagining a future pleasureful moment, but they are thoughts of pleasure and not actual pleasure unless our thoughts are engaged in simulating the feeling of the event as in actual real time.

I made this up.  If you think it’s not true, I’m happy to hear your point of view, but as far as my own personal research on pleasure, this seems to be true to me.

Ever tried to do something that you find repulsive just to please someone else?  Some would never do this, but there are those who would because they want to either be perceived a certain way, or are afraid of rejection, or are desperate for love.  I’m not referring to the times when you try something new and find out you don’t like it.

This in mind, and to the point at hand, I’d like the women who are seeking an upgrade in their sex lives to pay attention.  The single most powerful thing you can do to feel more pleasure is to engage in exactly what feels good to all of your physical senses.  That means stop trying so hard to please your partner unless it feels absolutely amazing to do so.  Stop pretending to like performing certain acts if they do not feel good to you.  Take some time out in your life to focus on what you enjoy and give yourself more of it.

In my years as a sex educator, I encountered woman after woman who would confess to me privately how much she hated this or that act, but would participate in it because it was what her partner wanted.  After some questioning, it was revealed that she hadn’t ever told him, nor had she the slightest idea what she did enjoy, or ever tell him what she would prefer or what she liked.

My advice here is clear and simple.  Explore what feels good and then tell him what you want.  Suggest what you prefer if there’s something you don’t enjoy doing.  Your pleasure will turn on your partner far more than anything you do out of obligation  because you’re afraid to speak up.  There’s plenty of time in life to try lots of things you’re unsure of, after you are deeply in touch with your own pleasure and what evokes it, but the first step is in truly pleasing yourself.

Goddess Oceana

http://www.goddessoceana.com

Making Time For Pleasure

May 23, 2012

When everything is just too overwhelming and life seems to be racing in a zillion directions, how do you handle it? Do you drink more coffee, try to do more, stay up later, get up earlier, or break down? Do you let stress build and ignore it? Do you just stuff your face with sugar like I do?
It’s a huge challenge to stay focused and prioritized, and to make the time for rest and balance in these times. We have so many mediums of communication all vying for our attention, not to mention careers to work, families to tend to, functions to attend, plans to make, appointments to keep. The list goes on and the stress seems to mount, until we find ourselves either sick or in breakdown somehow.
I see many people who seem to wait until they’re sick for a small break, and then they jump back up before they’re even ready to go back into the ring for more. It’s scary to watch. I can’t help but wonder if they are truly happy, or just afraid to stop. For some, I’m sure that staying in the game full frontal brings them joy, but this isn’t not true for everyone.
The perfect antidote for stress is pleasure. Nothing gives us more of an “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” feeling. It doesn’t really take much if we learn to breathe and center our attention on our hearts, get present with the moment, and then feel into it. I don’t believe that pleasure can happen when our minds are racing in the opposite direction. Ever tried to completely relax while running? Doesn’t work that well, does it? You have to get the mind to stop, drag it back to where your body is and sync your system up with the now. Only then can you really be with whatever pleasure you’re offering yourself.
One of the more advanced routes to pleasure is associated with our sexuality, and in a pinch our sexuality can be channeled into any activity and then it becomes sensuality, which is highly pleasurable. Pleasure in eating something delicious, feeling the sun on your face, getting a shoulder rub, stretching, looking at beautiful art or photos, listening to gorgeous music…these are all so pleasurable. If we focus on feeling our bodies respond as we enjoy these activities, we are officially having a sensual experience. This is where the pleasure we are feeling can light up our brains, our groins, our whole physiology, and we are healing, opening, and receiving the relaxation and rejuvenation we crave.
In the book, The Pleasure Zone, Resnick lists the 8 fundamental pleasures as being primal, pain relief, play, mental, emotional, sensual, sexual, and spiritual. The last three can “be thought of as the consummate realms for reaching your pleasure potential”, she says.
Take some time out for pleasure today and if it feels good try it daily for a while. I would love to hear back from you how it affects your life.

 


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