Posts Tagged ‘surrender’

True Love Terror

December 14, 2015

ripping heart

Women tell me about how much they want to have great relationships all the time.  There are articles all over the internet about how to find the man of your dreams and keep him, how to have a better marriage, and how to deepen the intimacy with your lover.

Many women talk about what their partner is or isn’t doing that’s making them unhappy.  They speak of the dream relationship they want, and they spend tons of time trying to figure out what they’re doing wrong, or what makes their man tick.  They contort themselves into emotional pretzels fretting about the other woman, or about how they can get their man to treat them the way they want to be treated.

This article isn’t going to tell you the answers to any of it right now, because I think I’ve stumbled on the one thing that no one is talking about.  This one thing is at the absolute core of all of this commotion.

You see, no one comes to me describing the terrifying act of opening their heart to a man fully and completely, allowing themselves to be so utterly vulnerable that they stop trying to attack him covertly in an attempt to control him so they can feel safer.

The one thing not many women are talking about is how terrifying it is to be deeply in love.  Because, I tell you in all truth, it is fucking scary.  It’s scary to think that this one man could leave you grief-stricken in his absence, your heart ripped apart and bleeding.

How can I be so sure of this?  Because even after twenty-five years with a rock solid guy, I found myself facing the deepest level of intimacy I’ve ever experienced.

I’d been training myself in vulnerability, the deepest surrender, setting ego aside, and putting our love first and foremost.  I don’t do things halfway, and I wanted the very best marriage I could imagine.  The nature of my work as a mentor insists that I live what I teach.  So, I wouldn’t be satisfied until I had plummeted into the depths of my man’s heart and felt a complete union of souls.

In order to do this, I had to drop every single barrier to intimacy I had acquired in my life, from trying to control him, to hiding my traces of shame, to allowing him to be right when he was right, to being willing to be wrong in order to put love first…the list goes on.  In essence, I had to stop emasculating him, even in the most subtle ways that were almost unconscious.

What happened next took my breath away.  Unexpected, incredible, magnificent love showed up.

When I trusted him completely, and told my core truth without unconsciously trying to hurt him first to make myself feel safe, he responded with love.  In trusting him first, he lived up to my trust and beyond.

Today, I found myself in tears expressing my worst fears to my beloved, all wrapped up in my profound love.  In allowing myself to be absolutely raw in my transparency, I experienced terror.  For the first time in my life, I was face to face with the terror of the deepest love I had allowed myself to surrender to a man in this lifetime.

And so I say to you, what’s underneath all of those challenges you’re facing in your relationship is most likely terror at what it may mean to love fully, completely, openly, and without a safety net.

What if you give your whole heart, your tender vulnerability, your whole life to this man, and one day you wake up and he’s no longer there?  What if you’re both elderly and he goes first?  What if you give up cutting him down at the knees with criticism and complaining, and instead get curious about what makes a man tick?

What if you surrender, throw up the white flag, and allow him to deeply love you…and trust him to catch you when you stumble?

~Goddess Oceana

Sensual Empowerment Goddess | Tantric Yogini | Shamaness Unlock the 7 Goddess Secrets every woman NEEDS

Advertisements

Sticky Sweet Surrender To The Goddess

June 3, 2013

Oceanna Soul Signature_ (1)

Everyone was asking me how it went.  They followed my Facebook journey of a vision I’ve had for years that came to me and stuck like honey, sticky and annoying, but oh so sweet and good.  At first I wanted nothing to do with it because it terrified me.  Imagine seeing something so amazing and then finding out that this awesome undertaking is yours?  Terror.   I spent about two years running away from it, avoiding it, denying it.

This vision haunted me, and when I mentioned it to a few friends, they continued to ask me about how it was coming along.  The questions were a blessing and a heavy burden as I wrestled with my longing and fought with perfectionism, divine timing, and a maddening drip of information.  You see, I had snapshots of this vision but no idea of the details, the how, the when, the mechanics.

Pieces began to show up, and I realized slowly that I had to be in a state of complete surrender for this awesome vision to move through me.  I had to be willing to be inside of not knowing, and still put one foot in front of the other.  I have never, in my years of facilitating, leading, and creating, had to surrender this far.  I had to surrender everything.

Realizing this ridiculously vulnerable level of surrender explained my initial terror and the ensuing chaos leading up to the first official event.  We think things happen to us, but truly there is a direct correlation between our resistance and the details of our lives, and how they reflect our inner world perfectly.  Fully aware of this, I chose a date, secured it with a yoga studio, and off we went.  The dramatic stories about not having a space, not knowing who was attending (if anyone), being offered a space out of nowhere, having people I had never even met show up, personal life crises leading up to the date of the event, all of these things were clearly testing my commitment and forcing me to trust.

Imagine meeting someone for the first time who tells you that they heard your name when they were swimming in the ocean two years earlier and so they followed that guidance and did a Google search, which led them to this event face to face that you’ve spent years knowing was yours to manifest?  The Divine was winking hard when I sat in the first sacred circle of this vision and this dear woman told me how she had found me.   This is the type of mad miracle I live with, and similar stories of spontaneous healings, synchronicity, and last-minute saving graces over the years since I dedicated my life to Her work.  I can only surmise that the level to which I am willing to surrender to Grace is in direct proportion to these occurrences of outrageous and magical “coincidence”.

The event was far from what my vision depicts, and yet deep in my belly I have absolutely no doubt that this is the beginning of that creation.  I have had very clear instructions showing up now in the form of signs.  People have expressed a sudden knowing that they are supposed to do this with me.  What I need and desire for support has shown up precisely when I need it.  I feel a fire in my yoni with this vision’s name on it.

How did the first gathering go?  In a few words, it went great and everyone loved it.  They want more.  I want more.  I have been seduced fully by the Divine and cannot resist the allure, the pull, the sweetness of the fulfillment of this vision.  The Goddess Temple is here to stay, and I have fully surrendered.  The orgasmic wave has only just begun to tremble and I will be riding this wave for a long, long, long time.

~Goddess Oceana

http://www.GoddessOceana.com

http://www.facebook.com/GoddessOceana

~image taken by Erica Tripp Photography and enhanced by Lucinda Kinch

Be Free with Ecstasy

July 4, 2012

Are we really free?  We’d love to think so.   It’s easy to argue that in this world we live with a whole mess of rules and regulations, or that we’re imprisoned in circumstances that force us to stay boxed in, victimized or oppressed by others.  To some extent it could be true.  On a mundane level, we do have to follow rules and ride out the time involved in manifesting something with which we’re aligning our vibration.

We can be our own worst enemies or our own best friends.  Our minds are the culprits that convince us we are victims, often because it is far easier to blame than to act. The solution is a simple (not necessarily easy) mindset shift.  Once we realize that change is in order, we can choose to think thoughts that lift us little by little into the alignment we would prefer.

I’ve found ecstasy through the discipline of pleasure to be a sure fast track to mindset liberation.  The other day I was feeling irritated, bored, stuck, and unhappy.  The only thing left to do was to locate myself right exactly where I was (mindfulness) and focus on pleasure.  Sure enough I was suddenly feeling the air, basking in the sensations pouring into my body, and feeling blissful.

The discipline required to practice pleasure and allow ecstasy is hard.  It means we have to organize ourselves inside of time, making appointments to do something that feels good, even though we’d rather not.  It requires surrendering our vested interest in suffering and complaining.  It requires self love and commitment.

This is a picture of me on the beach, laid out flat on my back in ecstasy.  Oh yeah.

Goddess Oceana

Mindfulness Information

Womanly Art of Pleasure

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/how-dreams-become-reality.html

 

How Can I Turn My Day Around?

June 20, 2012

The challenge of a bad mood, bad news, depression, or some upset faces all of us often in our lives, and many assume we are helpless targets just waiting for things to change again.  We go through life wanting this or that circumstance to be different so that we can be “happy”.  Many of us, if asked what happy is, cannot answer.  We’re stumped and silent, suddenly realizing that we have no measure of what “happy” actually is.  It’s a word that means better, doesn’t it?  It makes everything okay, right?  The problem is that if we don’t know what it is, we will never recognize if we have it.  Aiming for a target that is invisible, we stumble around shooting arrows at “happy” and wondering why we don’t get any.  It’s no wonder so many are feeling out of control, like life is a crap shoot, hoping someone has a magic prescription that will make it better.

 

We hope to win a lottery, because money seems to be the thing that everyone wants more of so that they can get more of what they want and feel powerful.  We think that if only we had this, or that, or if someone loved us more, or if we had more vacations, everything would change and this bad feeling would stop.  We numb ourselves out with tv, alcohol, and drugs or food.  We work harder, exercise more, and read more self help books.  There seems to be no end to what we’ll try to “feel” better!

 

Something subtle happens, however, when a person begins to experience consciousness.  That is, awakening from the robotic state of going through life on auto-pilot, accepting everything at face value, never questioning the status quo.  Through grace, at some point in our eternal existence as souls in bodies, we begin to emerge from the slumber in small increments usually (not always), and we realize that we have choice.

 

A typical scenario for awakening is a tragedy or loss, a sudden change that is unexpected, or an emotional crisis.  We were going along on automatic and without warning, someone we love died, or the truck hit our car, or we found out we had a terrible illness, or we lost our job, our livelihood.  That feeling of being without familiar foundation, without ground to stand on, nowhere to turn for relief, intense pain and suffering brings us to a deeper place of searching if it doesn’t destroy us.  We look for the meaning, we find support in places we may never expect, and we turn our awareness to the moment because focusing on the future isn’t always possible in times like these.

 

The things that bring us to our knees bring us to the moment.  In the moment, we can find strength we never knew we had, and a sense of surrender that will not be denied.  When we submit to what is, space opens up and things move.  Even in a moment of simple unhappiness over something more mundane and simple, if we are willing to allow the emotion and feel the sadness, anger, frustration, the emotion can flow and what is underneath it can be revealed.  Quite simply, allowing the emotions, rather than stifling them, is the direct pathway into wisdom, relief, and higher consciousness.  So let the tears flow…really feel…and in experiencing your humanity you will be freed.


%d bloggers like this: