Posts Tagged ‘transformation’

All Those Lonely Men

December 15, 2017

lonely man

 

“This is for all the lonely people.”
I saw an elderly woman in a waiting room the other day. She was having a great time chatting everyone up. At first, people were giving her the side-eye, wondering if she was normal or a bit crazy, talking to all those strangers as if she were there friend.
Soon, though, one person began to warm up to her and responded, and they started talking. Others looked curious.
After a while, everyone was smiling and relaxing more in their chairs.
The scenario struck me as familiar in how I tend to move through the world, fortunate to have been raised by a mother who treated everyone as if they were her children. She was outgoing and friendly, and really didn’t think anything of talking to people around her. With that role model ( and often included in the conversations as a child) I find that I am the same way.


During this holiday season, it saddens me to think of so many who have no one to celebrate with, or who are experiencing such deep loss or suffering that the celebrations around them only seem to compound the loneliness.


I heard yesterday from Dr. Christiane Northrup who was doing a video, that men are 4% more likely to commit suicide, and 50% of men do not have a single close friend to talk to (from the Mask of Masculinity by Louis Howes).

It was quite shocking to me, that number.  I began to think about how much easier it seems for many women to create community around themselves, with that gatherer mentality. So I’m wanting to encourage men to reach out if they’re feeling isolated.
I have the honor of men writing to me, in my line of work, who are sincerely expressing their feelings and transparently tell me of their struggles. I feel especially humbled that they courageously risk and reach out, in a culture that does not encourage emotional transparency in males.
I opened my work to men recently, because although women’s empowerment has been my focus, I now realize that my original purpose of healing the feminine does not preclude men, but includes the feminine in all of us.
This morning, I’m thinking about how all of us, men and women, can stretch a little further into reaching out with caring and sensitivity to others during the holidays.
After all, we are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Would love to hear from you in the comments.  What are some ways that you reach out or don’t reach out, and

~ Goddess Oceana

www.GoddessOceana.com

https://www.facebook.com/GoddessOceana/

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Do Shame Differently

June 19, 2014

I love to recycle the shameful and humiliating experiences in my life in ways that celebrate the fullness of the ways they enrich my expansion.  For instance, recently I held an event where no one showed up.  I spent two hours preparing the space and the materials, countless hours marketing and working on the site, social media, and emailing, etc.

What’s a goddess to do when this happens?  I chose to bask in the gorgeous space I created, eat the chocolates I brought, dance to the fabulous playlist I created, and make a sensual dance video while looking out at the lake.

 

Fully prepared tantric yoga circle for doing shame differently.

Fully prepared tantric yoga circle for doing shame differently.

This shifts the focus from victimization to sourcing and from resistance to flow.  It’s also called “riding the horse in the direction it’s going”, according to Werner Erhard, founder of est.

Engaging the flow, allowing the emotions to move through and surrendering to them, we find ourselves unleashed, less somatically blocked, and more fully alive.  It’s a good thing.  Tears can come and they’re well received.  We are gentle with ourselves and can find the ecstasy in the mundane.

Very soon I am creating an event where I will celebrate the people who have dumped me for their perfect self-exorcism, and release the crappy energy they left behind, bury the loss and humiliation in a funeral pyre, and make the very most out of my black wardrobe.  It will be a funeral for shame.  Cuz that’s the way I roll. 😉

~Goddess Oceana

www.GoddessOceana.com

On Welcoming A Wisewoman

January 23, 2014

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A new humility has surfaced in me the last couple of years, a sort of surrender to the wise woman birthing herself in my being as I round the corner of menopause.  Pregnancy with this energy seemed to have lasted a slowly percolating decade, but when labor ensued, it was a force I had no previous awareness of, raw and fierce and gentle all at the same time.

 

Before where I had a sense of self, knowing exactly who I was and where I was going, this wise woman crone brought down some sort of unearthly axe and suddenly I was forgetful, weak when I wanted to be strong, stupid when I needed to be sharp, exhausted when I had to be on my game, bored when I would rather have been curious and enthusiastic.  This old dame was turning me upside down and inside out.

 

Nothing like a huge and uncomfortable change ever seems to happen at a good time, does it?!  And so, surrender was not only necessary, but inescapable.  The crone energy is Kali Ma Herself, Hindu goddess of sharp, grand, and furious awakening.  When I finally decided to surrender, it seemed that it would require a willingness to speak up, a need to educate the less initiated, and a bold-assed declaration of my boundaries that pissed people off.

 

I’m still in the throes of this, but can report that a sense of humor is crucial.  When I find myself in certain situations, it can be utterly unnerving if I don’t have the capacity to laugh at myself with others.  The other day I told my 13 year old to please get his bacon on and get out to the car so we wouldn’t be late.  Words I have spoken my whole life suddenly interchange, and I don’t even hear myself as they slide effortlessly out of my mouth.  He just stood there laughing hysterically, with me feeling a bit offended.  “What are you laughing at?” I inquired.  He told me what I had just said, and I was baffled.  Truly, I thought I told him to get his coat on.

 

My sweet husband will attest that he can tell me something, only to find me asking the same question an hour or a day later,  as if the conversation never happened.  At first, he thought I was messing with him.  I explain that this is what birthing a crone looks like, and he’ll have to try to remember that I require a bit more gentleness, a bit more tolerance, and a whole lot of patience until she emerges and this passage is complete.  I am welcoming a wise woman, and she is in the becoming.

 

Who is in your life that is at the crossroads of this powerful transformation?  In what ways can you support her, learn from her, honor her in holding a space for soft landing while she is birthing possibly the most compelling and courageous transformation she has ever met?  If you are in this stage, how do you hold yourself gently, and what are you celebrating about it?

 

I would love to hear your experience, your questions, your deep inquiries and gifts…feel free to share below.

 

~Goddess Oceana

http:/www.goddessoceana.com

 

 

 

The Spiritual Path of Business

October 12, 2013

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What do you want more of in your life?  Recently, I asked this question to a few thousand people, and the responses came pouring in.  More love, more money, more travel, and to know what one wants were the prevalent themes.  

When I originally posed this question, I was working on a program I’ve been creating and wanted to see which focus would serve the most people.  It didn’t occur to me that I had already been serving up what I serve up best, and that the people who were following me on social media were there because of what they found with me.  This single realization was an entrepreneurial epiphany on caffeine.

It’s true that an entrepreneurial venture is one of the most powerful incubators for spiritual growth.  When I first heard that statement, I didn’t get it.  Now, after years of enduring the white hot heat of entrepreneurialism, I totally get it.  Many transformations take place in honing all of the different aspects of a business, and everything in it reflect the person who’s creating it.  If one doesn’t continue to get their act together, the business will fail.  Oh yes, and only the heavy duty stick-with-it-ers win. This mix is a cauldron of personal growth and transformation.

 Giving up is not in the vocabulary of an true entrepreneur.  Changing, re-aligning, shifting ideas around, finding resources, finding information, working harder, working smarter, learning to balance, researching, delegating, laser-focused introspection, communication, team work, social skills, belief, dogged faith and determination, relentless self-inventory…these and more are all a part of creating and running a business.

What does this have to do with the question I posed?  In seeking to serve the most people and asking them how I could serve them what they truly wanted, I found out what the heart of my business was.  Years of being coached didn’t uncover this precious gem.  I’ve agonized over it, taken quiz after quiz, courses, read libraries of books, listened to videos, ad nauseum. But after all was said and done, the single most powerful step I’ve taken came out of prayer and meditation, and a deep desire to serve.

What were the steps I took?  First, I tried everything else I could think of.  When none of it offered my answer, I gave up and told Source to just give me a sign please.  Then I lived in surrender for a while.  I felt an urge to serve and put out a call in the form of a question to everyone I knew. The a~ha moment came only after I had given up my own agenda and opened my heart fully to serving others.  It’s happened before, but now I’m seeing the pattern and it has a definite flavor.

The places in my life where I have fully given myself to service, heart and soul, are the places where the richest gifts have come to me.  They’re the places where I had no expectation, and the gifts arrived like a universal, colossal Christmas of a tidal wave.  

Here are the things I’ve learned about how to run a successful business so far in no special order:

1. Show up regularly and fully.

2. Honor the concept of time.

3. See what is wanted and needed, and give that.

4. Have fun no matter what.

5. If it lights you up, it’s yours to do.

6. Put Source, God, your Higher Self, whatever you call It, first.

7. Banish negative thoughts and negative people.

8. Focus on what’s working and do more of that.

9. Live a healthy lifestyle.

10. Pour love into everything you’re doing.

11. Honor the people you serve.

12. Be willing to receive.

13. Always go the extra mile.

14. There’s no such thing as competition when the Divine is in charge.

15. Procrastination is a sign that it’s time to dance and listen to what your body needs you to know.

16. Every single thing turns out better if you pray first.

17. Love yourself.

18. Be very flexible and open.

19. Great support comes in unexpected ways if you keep your eyes open.

20. Give more of what you don’t have enough of.

 

 

Medicine In Your Yard?

May 19, 2013

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It’s a little known fact that what grows in our yards is there to heal us. When I heard this for the first time, I was so excited that I scoured my yard for clues as to what herbs and weeds were showing up to help us, and could easily connect their healing properties to exactly what we needed.

Years ago we moved into an apartment house with a small hill in the back.  To my delight, the landlords didn’t use pesticides.  The hill was covered in plantain, a weed (herb) that most people try to get rid of to create an ultra uniform, grassy lawn.  The landlord’s child and my son were both suffering from different skin maladies at the time, and I knew that plantain was our ally.  Plantain knew it before I did because it was growing there in proliferation, ready to assist us.

I did what any shamanic plant medicine woman would do.  I gathered up my drum and sat with plantain and drummed.  Journeying with plantain gave me the instructions needed to create the perfect salve for healing the children’s skin afflictions.  With great respect and love, I picked the plantain leaves as directed, and created an infusion with oil from them.  Following the recipe given to me in my journey, I created a salve with the oil, some essential oils, beeswax from a local farm, and other healing ingredients.  This salve did the trick perfectly, and both children were relieved and healed.

Then someone at the local school got wind of my healing salve and asked me for a jar. She happened to have a daughter who suffered miserably with eczema that defied all medical treatments.  The salve I created was the one thing that healed her.  Go figure.

Such is the power of working with the earth, the plants and plant spirits, and the spirit world with respect and love.  A company could learn the chemical constituents of what was in that salve and copy the product, but I highly doubt it would be so effective.  When plants are measured down to their chemical properties and extracted into milligrams, they are no longer a whole unit.  They’re stripped of the full range of properties that make up the plant, and devoid of the plant spirit.  If the FDA insists on measuring quantity without individualized collaboration with the spirits of the plants, they will effectively strip away the essential nature of plant spirit medicine, and the profound healing that can take place. 

Years ago, my husband didn’t like the huge comfrey stalks what grew outside our basement door and mowed them down to the ground one day.  He didn’t understand my affection for all plants wild and unruly, and preferred a neat, uniform appearance.  Unfortunately, when he came home with broken ribs from a new karate class the next week, we had to call around to find friends with comfrey to make the poultices that relieved his pain and healed his ribs in record time. You see, comfrey knew before we did that my husband would need help and was graciously proliferating the back of the house.

 It’s possible for me to go to the doctor with an ailment and learn the diagnosis, come home and go out into my yard for clues as to what the deeper cause might be.  I’ve found strong connections between the dandelions and help with an immune system disorder. We have mint leaves along the whole side of the house that have celebrated summer picnics with us, healed tummy aches, and soothed headaches.  Nature has immense gifts and absolute magic awaiting us if we simply partner with her.

~Goddess Oceana

http://www.goddessoceana.com

http://www.facebook.com/goddessoceana

Appreciate Your Flaws

July 3, 2012

Self care and self love require practice and willingness.  I’ve become better and better at taking time for myself, admitting that it’s necessary, and really enjoying it when I do.  Getting to this place is hard for many people, especially in our acquisition focused culture.  Do more, get more, and you earn the right to be more.  In truth, they have this backwards.  It all starts with being, and in order to just be, we require a certain amount of self love.  Without it, being is impossibly uncomfortable.

I notice that loving myself is easier when I’m more relaxed, feeling more pleasure in my life, and taking time to care for myself.  Having a daily spiritual practice is also another way of connecting to my center, loving myself, and filling up so that I am giving from a full place rather than a needy one.  Still, lately it felt like I wasn’t completely full, and was very surprised to notice some negative self talk I was hearing.

What I realized today is that I’m great at acknowledging what my gifts and skills are because I’ve consciously practiced doing so for years.  The place where I get caught up is in appreciating and loving the ways in which I’m not so skilled, not so perfect, not so talented.  There’s a difference here, where I saw that I could accentuate the positive and love myself up, while subtly avoiding what I deemed negative.

I think the real healing begins when we are able to love and adore the parts of ourselves that we fear others will find repulsive, the awkward parts, the places where we hold judgment about who we are.

My new self care practice is to find something about myself each and every day that my mind tells me is ugly, not good enough, lazy, stupid, silly, embarrassing, or bad…and then focus all of my love on that thing with all my heart.  I’m on a flaw finding mission, to love and embrace the ones I locate until they’re just more beautiful flowers in the garden of all that is me.

Tips To Wake Up Your Relationship

June 29, 2012

These are some tips off the tippy top of my head this morning that will spice things up.  You can do these alone or enroll the help of friends, or you can forget about it and keep complaining that you’re bored, neglected, angry, resentful, whatever your gig is.  I have no attachment but I would like you to thoroughly feel your feelings first before trying any of these.  Feel them full out.  Trying to repress and deny them out of a sense of being good isn’t going to work, as it will only sublimate the emotions and they’ll end up coming out sideways later.  Instead, have your feelings in a safe, supportive environment, and then when you are fresh and ready to give something a try, give these tips a shot.

  1. Get naked and massage yourself all over with your favorite lotion or body oil.       Make sure it’s something that smells delicious and take your time, enjoying every stroke.  You may wonder how this will wake up your relationship since it’s about you.  That’s the key, though.  This is about waking up your relationship to yourself, which will show up everywhere else automatically.  Cool, huh?!
  1. Think of something you used to love to do that you haven’t done in a long time.  Remember how amazing it was?  Now get out your calendar and schedule time for yourself to do it again. This is refueling time where you will be filling yourself up with so much great attention that you will overflow the juice to the one you love spontaneously if you make it a practice.
  1.  Close your eyes and imagine yourself receiving some really wonderful texts or emails telling you how amazing you are, what you love most about you, what your favorite features are, how in love you are with you…and then quickly compose a short email to yourself saying exactly those things.
  1. Now think up four things you absolutely love and adore about your partner.  Write them down.  Text one to him in the morning and one at night for two consecutive days…or do one a day for four days, your choice.
  1. Write out ten things you appreciate about your partner every day for a week.  This single practice transformed my relationship in a flash.  Try it.
  1. If you are home before your partner gets home from work, make sure you greet him like you would greet a favorite friend.  After all, this person committed their entire lifetime to a relationship with you!
  1. Hard, introspective, advanced tip:  Determine the one thing about your spouse that is bugging you the most lately.  Now, get cross legged on a meditation cushion with incense, a lit candle, and some new age music.  Close your eyes and breathe through your nose, deeply into your heart space.  Imagine them doing the thing they do that you cannot tolerate because it makes you want to erase your wedding from time.  Now, instead of them doing it, imagine yourself doing it.  Look very closely at ways in which you do this to yourself.  You’ll most likely need to dig very deep for this.  Once you see how you do this, own it and surround yourself in a pink bubble of love.  Forgive yourself and send out angel waves of gratitude to your spouse for showing you what to heal inside of yourself.
  1. Last tip of the day…do something different.  If you never order take out, order it and make it fun.  (If you always order it, consider cooking a homemade meal).  If you never initiate sex, try it.  If you do everything perfectly, do some stuff imperfectly on purpose.  If you never finish anything, pick three things to complete and just DO them till utter completion.  Find something in your life that you can shake up and wake up and see what happens.

Would love to hear how these tips worked out for you. Remember, anything that wakes you up will wake up your relationship, because we are all reflections of each other.  If you have your own great tip, please feel free to share it with us here.

Goddess Oceana

http://www.goddessoceana.com


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