Posts Tagged ‘vision’

Sticky Sweet Surrender To The Goddess

June 3, 2013

Oceanna Soul Signature_ (1)

Everyone was asking me how it went.  They followed my Facebook journey of a vision I’ve had for years that came to me and stuck like honey, sticky and annoying, but oh so sweet and good.  At first I wanted nothing to do with it because it terrified me.  Imagine seeing something so amazing and then finding out that this awesome undertaking is yours?  Terror.   I spent about two years running away from it, avoiding it, denying it.

This vision haunted me, and when I mentioned it to a few friends, they continued to ask me about how it was coming along.  The questions were a blessing and a heavy burden as I wrestled with my longing and fought with perfectionism, divine timing, and a maddening drip of information.  You see, I had snapshots of this vision but no idea of the details, the how, the when, the mechanics.

Pieces began to show up, and I realized slowly that I had to be in a state of complete surrender for this awesome vision to move through me.  I had to be willing to be inside of not knowing, and still put one foot in front of the other.  I have never, in my years of facilitating, leading, and creating, had to surrender this far.  I had to surrender everything.

Realizing this ridiculously vulnerable level of surrender explained my initial terror and the ensuing chaos leading up to the first official event.  We think things happen to us, but truly there is a direct correlation between our resistance and the details of our lives, and how they reflect our inner world perfectly.  Fully aware of this, I chose a date, secured it with a yoga studio, and off we went.  The dramatic stories about not having a space, not knowing who was attending (if anyone), being offered a space out of nowhere, having people I had never even met show up, personal life crises leading up to the date of the event, all of these things were clearly testing my commitment and forcing me to trust.

Imagine meeting someone for the first time who tells you that they heard your name when they were swimming in the ocean two years earlier and so they followed that guidance and did a Google search, which led them to this event face to face that you’ve spent years knowing was yours to manifest?  The Divine was winking hard when I sat in the first sacred circle of this vision and this dear woman told me how she had found me.   This is the type of mad miracle I live with, and similar stories of spontaneous healings, synchronicity, and last-minute saving graces over the years since I dedicated my life to Her work.  I can only surmise that the level to which I am willing to surrender to Grace is in direct proportion to these occurrences of outrageous and magical “coincidence”.

The event was far from what my vision depicts, and yet deep in my belly I have absolutely no doubt that this is the beginning of that creation.  I have had very clear instructions showing up now in the form of signs.  People have expressed a sudden knowing that they are supposed to do this with me.  What I need and desire for support has shown up precisely when I need it.  I feel a fire in my yoni with this vision’s name on it.

How did the first gathering go?  In a few words, it went great and everyone loved it.  They want more.  I want more.  I have been seduced fully by the Divine and cannot resist the allure, the pull, the sweetness of the fulfillment of this vision.  The Goddess Temple is here to stay, and I have fully surrendered.  The orgasmic wave has only just begun to tremble and I will be riding this wave for a long, long, long time.

~Goddess Oceana

http://www.GoddessOceana.com

http://www.facebook.com/GoddessOceana

~image taken by Erica Tripp Photography and enhanced by Lucinda Kinch

Visionary Vegan Turned Praying Carnivore?

June 18, 2012

Diet seems to encourage conversation easier than many other topics. I notice this when I post a status update on Facebook that’s about food, and immediately the responses start pouring in, whereas if I post a prayer I might get one or two responses over time.   Not everyone prays, but I think it’s safe to say that every one of us eats. 

Vegetarianism, veganism, and raw-ism are some controversial topics in today’s world.  We heard a sermon, believe it or not, on veganism yesterday and it was conversationally stimulating, to say the least.  In fact, we are still talking about it, reacting to it, and in wonder about it.  It caused such intense reactions in the audience that the minister received some anonymous hate mail on her windshield.  I’d say that if one can elicit this type of reaction, then they are making some waves that cause growth one way or another.

A vegetarian for 21 years, a vegan for 3 years, and two different month long forays into a raw diet, I have some things to say on the topic.  I feel that I’ve explored different diets and the lifestyles that go with them.  I’ve even encountered health afflictions created by some of them.  My sweetheart reminds me that we visited veganism together twenty years ago and gave it our full monty…and have lived to tell the story, too.

My personal journey into vegetarianism first as a spiritual choice and then a health choice was not so difficult. My Higher Power made it abundantly clear to steer from cows by downloading an intense vision of a live cow being forced through a meat grinder as I bit into a Big Mac one day at a drive-thru.  That first bite was spit out vehemently and was the last bite of red meat I was to take for the next 23 years.

I was religious about it.  My poor mother tried to make my fiancé and I some vegetable soup one day and thought she could get away with a beef broth base without my noticing.  Wrong.  The soup ended up in the toilet.  I forced her to sit thru a Tofurkey at Thanksgiving against her will, and when she brought home what used to be my favorite dish ever, a live lobster that was a gift from a friend, I was mortified.  I begged and pleaded, tear streaming down my face, not to boil that lobster.  She finally relented and handed it to me, and I drove to the canal and sent it home in front of a fisherman at the dock who stood there with a strange look on his face.

My day of reckoning came when I became so ill I couldn’t eat.  My stomach was on fire, and my skin had broken out.  A plague of symptoms too terrible and personal to list had befallen me, and the doctor couldn’t help.  Nothing helped. As a final attempt at relief, I sought out a holistic nutritional doctor that a friend recommended, and they determined that my body had developed severe sensitivities to every substance foundational to my diet.  What was left to eat now?  Bark?  Trees?  Dirt?  It was indeed a big dilemma.

For a year or so I lived on meager fixin’s where no meat, no gluten, no soy, no wheat, no tomatoes and no yeast or dairy passed my lips.  It was impossible to eat at a restaurant, and it was painfully boring, but at least I wasn’t suffering from the horrible food reactions anymore.

Then I became pregnant and a new lesson was in store for me.  Five months in I could not stay awake, falling asleep even standing up.  I was exhausted, depleted, and unwell.  The doctor announced severe anemia, and no amount of pills or Floradix, or prune juice could fix it.  I was actually craving steak in my dreams.  And so, with great trepidation and deep concern, we went to a restaurant to order the first steak in well over two decades.  I couldn’t even bear to cook it myself, nor did I even know how.  That was a rough meal for me and for my beloved, who had to cut the meat for me because I couldn’t bear to.  The lifting of the fork was a push/pull, wanting to eat and not wanting to eat.

My baby’s life depended on it, though, and so eat I did.  I made peace with what was, in my own way.  Having a strong background in spiritual studies, my intention was pure and I prayed over that cow, chicken, fish hard and long before partaking.  Heck, I had been practicing praying over vegetables before chopping them for decades as well.

This was the full circle of my experience with extreme diets, and it’s not even touching on weight loss diets I’ve tried.  The message was very clear after this, that I had no right to judge anyone who ate meat or didn’t eat meat, nor did I have a right to presume that I knew best what they should be eating or whether they were ignorant or enlightened about food.  Even judging someone who is beginning to find their consciousness in what they eat is entitled to their experience without judgment.  I was that person who was zealous in my newfound passion for saving the lives of animals, cleaning up the planet, and honoring life the best I could.  I was also that person that had to eat things I would rather not have eaten, for survival and health purposes. 

Nowadays, I practice conscious choices and prayer, raising the vibration of whatever I consume, and forgiving myself when I forget or when I choose things I know aren’t good for me.  My current path is one of love and healing towards that which I consume, praying with deep gratitude for whatever gave of itself so that I could live.  I make the best choices that I can in terms of whether to purchase leather or cloth, natural or synthetic.  There are arguments in every direction for what is best or worst and it seems that evidence can be found in every direction according to one’s intention.

My mantra is balance in all things.  Balance is a good place to seek and a beautiful place to land.

 

 


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