Posts Tagged ‘willingness’

Self Love Is Mandatory

April 17, 2013

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Spring is here and I long to plunge my fingers and toes into the rich dirt.  I take in the fresh  breeze filled with new and familiar scents, and sit in sun rays on the deck absorbing the warm light as I sip my coffee.  

With tear stained cheeks from an outpouring of my heart over the recent Boston tragedies, I ponder how my life in this moment can be so sublime in contrast.  I remember the many times when personal crisis has brought me to my knees, and yet when I looked around, the rest of the world continued on seemingly unaffected.

I have tested the icy waters of human indifference firsthand to see if I could evoke a response.  Once in a moment of utter desperation and profound shock, I drove to a beach in the winter and walked into the icy ocean up to my neck, coat, boots, mittens and all.  People were on the beach and sitting in their cars enjoying the ocean view.  No one stopped me and no one reacted, even as I came to my senses and  backed out of the water and slowly made my way back to the car.  

Frozen, dripping wet, weeping, and stunned at my own actions and the devastation that had driven me to it, I realized that I had come into this world vulnerable and alone, and that I would likely leave that way as well.  Others might show up from time to time and reach out to support and assist, but ultimately I had to love myself.  No one else could do it for me.

I would spend the next twenty years of my life in a relentless pursuit of learning to love myself.  As a self love ninja, I’ve learned that a desire for something outside of the realm of what we have will continue to bring us to our knees in ways we could never anticipate.  With enough playtime in the sandbox of conscious manifestation, however, one begins to learn the terrain.  Often, even what is completely tragic and unexpected brings about gifts that are inexpressible, unexplainable, and forever mysterious.  What separates self lovers from self haters in this realm is, among other things, the rate of recovery and the willingness to let go.

At this point I pride myself with laser clarity about what I am desiring, and eagle eyes that spot the seemingly chaotic signs along the way for what they are.  Pits and blows that could easily be mistaken for failure by a neophyte are welcomed.  

The ability to love myself is now one of my super powers, not to be mistaken for fluff. It is what enables me to love others with outrageous authenticity, to see life from a myriad of gorgeous angles, and to live my unique full potential.  Super powered self love makes recovering from devastating interludes like a cup of coffee on a sunlit deck in springtime and another french kiss in the ecstasy that is life.

~Oceana LeBlanc is a women’s empowerment coach, tantric yogini, and shaman

http://www.goddessoceana.com

Appreciate Your Flaws

July 3, 2012

Self care and self love require practice and willingness.  I’ve become better and better at taking time for myself, admitting that it’s necessary, and really enjoying it when I do.  Getting to this place is hard for many people, especially in our acquisition focused culture.  Do more, get more, and you earn the right to be more.  In truth, they have this backwards.  It all starts with being, and in order to just be, we require a certain amount of self love.  Without it, being is impossibly uncomfortable.

I notice that loving myself is easier when I’m more relaxed, feeling more pleasure in my life, and taking time to care for myself.  Having a daily spiritual practice is also another way of connecting to my center, loving myself, and filling up so that I am giving from a full place rather than a needy one.  Still, lately it felt like I wasn’t completely full, and was very surprised to notice some negative self talk I was hearing.

What I realized today is that I’m great at acknowledging what my gifts and skills are because I’ve consciously practiced doing so for years.  The place where I get caught up is in appreciating and loving the ways in which I’m not so skilled, not so perfect, not so talented.  There’s a difference here, where I saw that I could accentuate the positive and love myself up, while subtly avoiding what I deemed negative.

I think the real healing begins when we are able to love and adore the parts of ourselves that we fear others will find repulsive, the awkward parts, the places where we hold judgment about who we are.

My new self care practice is to find something about myself each and every day that my mind tells me is ugly, not good enough, lazy, stupid, silly, embarrassing, or bad…and then focus all of my love on that thing with all my heart.  I’m on a flaw finding mission, to love and embrace the ones I locate until they’re just more beautiful flowers in the garden of all that is me.


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