Posts Tagged ‘woman’

Beginner’s Guide to Falling In Love With You

April 21, 2013

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I want to really talk to you today.  I’ve been thinking so much about self-love and how women just work and please and caretake.  You know, even when I try to write some very basic tidbits on how to begin to indulge in self-care, I run into women who can’t even wrap their minds around a few minutes of self-indulgence.

Someone wrote to me the other day and she was saying she really wanted me to expand on this concept.  She said that if a woman is so deprived of self-love that she has isolated herself and never gets out, where in the world does she start?  I told her that the fastest way to begin was to eye gaze.

It sounds weird, right?!  Eye gazing.  Like, what the heck is that?  And how on earth do you do it with yourself?  It’s actually a tantric technique, and Rumi, that world renown phenomenal poet of divine love, used to become enlightened.  He spent a full year in a room with his teacher simply eye gazing.  He emerged an enlightened being and wrote poetry that to this day touches the hearts of millions.

I tell people to eye gaze because it was where I began my journey to self-love.  Thirty-some years ago I couldn’t look at my own eyes in the mirror for more than a few seconds.  It made me so uncomfortable that I literally could not bear it.  Today, I could do it endlessly, falling deeper and deeper into blissful communion with my Self.  My Self as in the Divine that lives within, the gentle creature that embodies this Self, the vulnerable sweetness of my innocence and the compassion that wells up when I really see me.

So, for today, please try to look into your own eyes, even for 60 seconds.  Allow the discomfort to rise, and see if you can stay with yourself for a few more seconds.  See the tenderness that others see when they look at you. See beyond the face and into the soul, where, if you keep up this practice daily, you will meet the Self that loves you utterly and completely.

~Oceana LeBlanc is a women’s empowerment coach, tantric yogini, and shaman

http://www.goddessoceana.com

Embracing The Bad Days

June 26, 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One heck of a day I am having, beginning with powerful emotions surging from a very rough weekend of spouse in a strange mood-itis.  I’m so sensitive that it always hits me hard and takes me a while to recover, and he seems to react to my moods the same way, so we ride  nice big waves around here.  Some days I just chalk the whole mess up to our passionate Italian heritage.  Other days, I realize we are far more alike and sensitive than I had ever imagined.

It started with going to bed too late, which always sets me up for mood swings.  Then there was the fact that it was the first day of his huge successfulness in a brand new arena of career wins and the gifts and basking therein, and suddenly not only was I tired and emotionally worn, but I was hit head on with loss.  My choices, my sacrifices, my stubborn insistence on putting my child first before myself, and the endless windows of opportunities lost were all slamming me in the head.

Top that with reading a metaphysical book written by a woman who looked more like a man from a Victorian generation, about ego and serving others, with every reference to God in the masculine and suddenly I was having an internal war between my empowered, pissed off inner goddess and my good little conservative baptist inner child.  I set myself up with staring at my own failure at everything and wondering whether this spiritual path I had chosen was a big mistake.  Yup, I was a big, fat, lazy, inept, ungrateful failure.  Even this blog I was so excited about sucked.  My writing sucked.  I had no friends.  I felt fat, ugly, old, and opposite of fabulous.

While retching up my existential misery in successive Facebook status updates, I was making tortellini for my son and burned my arm on the pan.  Great.  I may as well just ensure my misery today and eat sugar and fat, too.  So I did.  Apparently, I like to go down with a big, hideous splat and then ricochet with a dramatic comeback.  Did I mention there was thunder and lightening and a brief power outage as well?

I have surrendered fully to this misery inasmuch as I know how.  Today, there is nowhere to go that is of any interest to me.   I want to hide my fat body in my too small for me apartment.  I’m in my own way and have no idea how to get out of it.  I’m so pissed that I don’t even care.  Every solution has a problem with it, why it won’t work, and a price that’s more than I want to pay.  Even no solution has a price, but right now it’s where I am and it still costs less than the calculations I’ve done on my standby fantasy of running away.  Nowhere with no solution.

I imagine you have a load of advice for me, and so do a ton of other people, and it’s all varied, some excellent, some peppered with spiritual cliche, and some empathetic, some not.  The problem is that none of it will help.  Did you know that it actually makes it worse?  The hardest thing for most people to do is to simply hold space and witness someone else’s brilliant process.  The best place for me to be is where I am, miserable, burned, regretful, frustrated, angry, jealous, grieving, and afraid.  I’ve learned it’s a good place to be and that the very best thing I can do is to love exactly where I am because the fertilizer down here is the richest thing happening.

Each individual has unfathomable wisdom and resource inside, and our egos don’t like to admit that someone may know what’s good for themselves better than we do, and we certainly don’t like to see the messiness that reminds us of our own “failing”.  When I rise, you can be certain I’ll be carrying some diamonds of wisdom, and that the simmering desires I’ve been sitting on will explode into a firework of new creations.


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